Hamneggs, write them this.
For the person that has complained about seeing a member of staff hugging other members - we have investigated this issue and have come to the conclusion that we would like to offer you a hug. this can be in private if you wish for it to not be seen by others however we feel that you must have not been hugged enough in younger years and are in need of a nice hug.
Whataplonka! hugging indeed.
The only thing it would be inappropriate for is if the buttocks were part of the hug