[Div3North]

Swindon Town

V

Accrington Stanley

2017/18 Prediction League; Game 46 v Swindon (away)

Could someone please have an urgent word with [email protected], and tell him to tell the club that there ISN’T a rule that says that the team relegated via the Greasy Pole of Oblivion to the Bananarama has to start with the same letter as the promoted team (which is Macclesfield, as we all well know). As is well highlighted elsewhere, Morecambe are now in A Bit Of A Pickle, courtesy of Saturday’s defeat by Mad Dog and His Boys .............. they have to go to the Ricoh and get at least a draw; Coventry themselves still need something to be certain of a play-off place, and their home record over the season is W13 D3 L6 GF36 GA24, whereas the Shrimps away is W3 (2-0 at Chesterfield and at Grimsby, and 4-2 at Wycombe, who they beat twice in the season!) D9 and L10 ................ Lincoln also need a point to be sure, otherwise Flitcroft’s FlipFlops could come shuffling up on the rail with a win over Crawley ................... Barnet, on the other hand, have won 3 and drawn 1 of their last four (10 points), and must start favourites against the TwistySpires, who’ve lost 27 of 44 and who play Newport today (Tuesday). Isn’t it. Look you. Eistedfodd.

So we won’t be playing Bury next year, or the Wimbledon Bandits (aka MK Donalds ); Northampton (46 points) are at Oldham (49), with Rochdale on 48; Northampton’s GD is -34 with only 41 scored, and Oldham’s is -17, so the Cobblers need to win at least 9-0 to stay up , and if they manage 9-0 (or 10-1, 11-2, 12-3) they’ll still go down if Rochdale (GD -9) take a point off Charlton at home (flying pigs!); if Rochdale DO get a point, the Cobblers would then need to win 26-0 to overtake them .............. looks like we’ll miss out on a couple of “local” derbies for next season come just after 7.00pm on Saturday (League One kick-off time is 5.30!)

Swindon are 10th, and can only move up one place if they beat us (which they won’t); P45 W19 D8 L18 GF64 GA65 for 65 points .......... last time out they managed a goalless Desmond at Colchester; the BBC described them as “out of form”, which isn’t unfair, since they’ve won once (3-1 at Cambridge) drawn five and lost five of their last eleven; they’ve scored 7 in their last eight, and they were still in the promotion places as recently as mid-February - so where did it all go wrong? They did Dartford 5-1 away in the FA Cup, and then blew it by losing 5-2 at Stevenage in Round Two; they left the EFL Cup in Round 1 (3-2 at Norwich); and they left the EFLTroffy 1-0 at home to Vegan Greenpeace in the knockout stages.......... and just so as you know, they’ve lost 4-1 at home to Barnet and 5-0 at home to LutonBestTeamInLeagueTwoNot Town so far this season, so they’re by no means invisible on their own turf ..........

They ProperSigned four in January; striker Marc Richards and LB Ryan McGivern from the Fated Cobblers (who weren’t fated in January, to be fair), Barrow GK Stuart Moore and Palace’s SS (secondary striker) Keshi Anderson; they ProperReleased LMF James Brophy and AM John Goddard to Leyton Orient and Stevenage respectively. LoansIncoming were Oldham’s AMF Ollie Banks and the Pirates’ CB Rollin Menayese, which sounds like an instruction in a recipe book; loans OutGoing took Tom Smith for a bath – sorry, took Tom Smith TO Bath (City) , Scott Twine to Chippenham Town (and his big brother Welsh String went too), GK Will Henry (will Henry what?) to Hampton Wick, and my old GK friend Vigorous Lawrence to Waterford Crystals .............. In 52 games (including all the cups) they’ve scored 80 goals and conceded the exact same; leading scorers are Luke Norris with 14, Marc Richards with 10, Paul Mullin with 9 and MF Matt Taylor with 7 .............Our leading scorers (lest we forget) are Billy Whizz with 25, Kayden with 16 and Sean McMarmite with 12

We never seem to stay in the same division for more than one season; we met in 2006/07, when we drew 1-1 at Ours and lost 2-0 at Theirs, then again in 2011/12 when we lost 2-0 at Ours AND at Theirs, and then back in February this year we Did Them 2-1 at the Wham (Billy Whizz with a pen on 25 and Kayden with a second on 62, with a Richards pen giving them hope but the final whistle extinguishing it!)

Deadline for entries is, as always, scheduled kick-off time, which is 3.00pm on Saturday 5th May ..................Well, who’d a thowt it? 66-1 for promotion, we were, back around Christmas; did anybody have a nibble at that? Next time we should have a Collective, and see if we can Bust the Bookies! Fantastically Well Done to every single person connected with our Club; we’ll none of us forget this season, me’thinks!

And a huge Thank You from me and from Him to all of you for playing along with this right load of drivel; is this eight seasons, or is it nine? ............. I think we’ve reached the stage now that you wouldn’t understand the thread starters if you didn’t play regularly ........... I can see all these bemused folk sitting at home reading it going, “Who’s a Fat Bastard?” “What’s a Vegan Greenpeace?” Where’s Bananarama?”, and a million and one other things ................ But we know, don’t we, boys and girls? And Mr McGregor, when he comes back from the Potting Shed, he’ll know .......... and so do Bill and Ben and Little Weed....... And .............NURSE!

Good luck to everyone! .................. Keep the Faith! ............ Thanks for all the Craic! ................... And thanks, for another season, for playing!