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Do they put co2 in crumpets as a safety measure?
I've noticed that if I leave them under the grill and forget about them they tend to turn straight into charcoal rather than burst into flames. (Do not try this at home, borrow your brother-in-laws grill that way it's him that gets the bollocking and has to clean it).

As for women, if there is something they don't know they will jump to the first conclusion at hand, convincing her it is wrong can only be done by admitting to something far worse.