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Div3North · 16-09-2020, 15:48

Burton Albion

v

Accrington Stanley

2020/21 Prediction League; Game 2 v Burton Albinos (away)

I was up in Glasgow a few weeks back, and I went in to a cake shop on Sochi ... Sokkeye ...... Saucchi ....... the Market, and I said to the woman behind the counter, “Is that a custard, or a meringue?” She said, “No, ye’re no wrang – it’s a custard” (say it out loud in a Jim Taggart accent!)

HUGE kudos to Professor Coley, Jimmy the Wizard and the players for Saturday; we looked really good, and thoroughly deserved the win. Even accepting that the Posh – who are currently bottom of League One, by the way, albeit that it’s in part alphabetical - were without some of their squad, so were we, and I doubt many sides will keep a clean sheet against them (it only happened eight times in 35 games last season). Bragging Rights also to Harrogate in League Two (hands up if you knew they’re nicknamed the Sulphurites - apparently because of the Spa water in Harrogate – and if it’s that full of sulphur I’m not drinking it!) who followed their 8-7 penalty shoot-out win at Tranmere in the EFL Cup with a 5-4 penalty shootout losing draw (how in hell’s name can you have a penalty shootout losing draw?) at Grimsby in the Troffy, and whose first-ever League match ended with a 4-0 away spanking of Southend (who, if they carry on like that, look likely to be down the Greasy Pole of Oblivion by Christmas).

I might have picked out Swindon too – top of League One (we’re second – so I suggest the League is ended now, all placings to count for the season after!) – if they’d been up against anybody but Rochdale; but the Richdoodles, now without leading scorer Joe “Mr Piano” Henderson (who signed for the SalfordMoneybags) could have a long cold winter ahead ..... So instead of them, how about Vegan Greenpeace Utd, who went to Mighty Bolton and shot them down with a Winchester? .......... sorry, that should have read, “shot them down with a goal by Winchester” (Carl of that name) which – according to the BBC – “fired them to a League Two victory” (Winchester ..... shot ..... fired ...... Gerrit?). That also meant that Ian Evatt, ex-Manager of Barrow (who got a decent point), and currently the Boss at Burnden (or wherever the hell they play), is still without a win in any competition this season (losing to VGU 0-1 in the League, to Bradford 2-1 in the EFL Cup, and to Crewe 3-2 in the Troffy – and all at home!). I should check if you can defer your mortgage before they sack you, Ian, if I were you

Starter for 10 this week, then; there were four red cards on the opening day of League One on Saturday 12th September; Burton’s John-Joe O’Toole at Fleetwood, Oxford’s Rob Atkinson at Lincoln (although his was overturned later on appeal), Aaron Pierre for the long-nosed pointy things away at Pompey, and George Dobson for Slumberland at home to Brizzle; but what was remarkable about those four dismissals?

So it’s Burton (away) again, eh? I typed “interesting places to visit in Burton on Trent” into the search engine on my laptop, but they were both shut ............ So I tried “famous people called Burton”, which turned up Tim Burton (Gothic Filmmaker), Kate Burton (Swiss-born Welsh-American actress, daughter of Richard and Sybil), Sarah Burton (creative director of Alexander McQueen, and the designer of Kate Middleton’s wedding dress), and of course Taffy – Richard Burton, more correctly Richard Walter Jenkins Jr (which makes Elizabeth Taylor, correctly, Mrs Lizzie Jenkins) – not a name conducive, you may think, to a standout stage and film career ...... Oggy oggy oggy ..............!

And have you ever wondered about the origins of the expression “Gone for a Burton”? They variously include the empty chair – shades of Les Mis - at the table where the occupant has impliedly nipped out for a pint of Burton’s Ale; the visit to collect his demob suit from the stores by the bloke about to be discharged from the Forces at the end of WWII (most of said demob suits were made by Sir Montague Burton’s famous firm of Gents Outfitters), or as a reference to an (untraced) pilot who died when his plane was shot down into the sea. None of them are actually provable, although the expression is accepted as a RAF term meaning someone who’s missing or dead, and it certainly first appeared in the UK in the War, is attributed to the 40s, and quickly crossed the pond to the good old US of A ................ where, in June 1943, a story titled Husky Goes Down for a Burton appeared in Boys' Life, the magazine of the Boy Scouts of America.

The expression “Husky Goes Down for a Burton” is ...... errrm ........ ‘interesting’; it reminds me of Sir John Gieldgud, who pleaded guilty to ‘cottaging’ – “importuning for immoral purposes” - in a Gents public toilet back in 1953, a few short months after he’d been knighted. He gave his name as Arthur Gielgud (his middle name), and described himself as a self-employed clerk; produced at Chelsea Magistrates’ Court the following day, he was fined and told to “Go and see your Doctor at once” by the Magistrates, but instead he went off to the rehearsal of the NC Hunter play he was in, where he was met by Sybil Thorndike, also in the cast, who said to him – thus delivering the most magnificent, ultimate, unintended double entendre – the words, “Oh John, you have been a silly b*gger!”

Los Albinos finished last season in 12th place off the back of a record which reads P35 W12 D12 L11 GF50 GA50 for a PPG rating of 1.37 ....... we did them 2-0 at ours on 29th December (the start of our revival, as I recall) with goals from Sean McStillInjured on 39 and Big Ross on 65, and took a point from them four weeks later at the Racing Car Tyres Stadium with a half-Desmond (our goal from Dion Wonderstrike Charles). Six players left in the summer – Scottish AMF Scott Fraser to the PhoneyWombles, striker Oliver Sarkic to Blackpool, GK Stephen Bywater to Putting Your Feet up in Retirement and three others to the Bananarama, including one to The Place Where There Are No Moors (ie Solihull) ..... They also sold former Academy keeper Teddy Sharman-Lowe to Chelski and got him back on a season-long loan

Eight came in; one was Lawless, one was Reg Varney (On the Buses) – oh no, Luke Varney); other arrivals included ex Grimsby AMF Charles Vermin (hang on, Vernam – must get some new specs!), RB Neal Eardley and journeyman DMF Michael Bostwick (both from Lindum Colonia), striker Kane Lemmings – er, Hemmings – from Dundee (with cake!), RW Owen Gallagher from Notts Forest, and Irish GK Kieran O’Hara, who came free from Man U, so he did .................

They started their League programme at Fleetwood; they went one down to a Camps goal (that’s his name, not a description of the goal) on 17 mins, when they failed to clear a corner, equalised through John Brayford after 66 – the goal being awarded after something of a committee meeting, apparently, and then left Paddy Madman – er, Madden – unmarked in the box, from where he poked in the winner on 79; The CodPieces had 13 shots, 5 on target, 5 corners and 16 fouls; Burton’s Biscuits had 9 shots (3 on target), 8 corners and 12 fouls

They – Burton Albion - were formed in 1950, and made it into the EFL in 2002; before the Pirelli was built their home was Eton Park, and before he resigned (for financial reasons, I seem to remember) their Manager was Old Big’ead’s lad Nigel on his second stint there; current manager – well, as of 18th May, player-manager - is defender Jake Buxton, whose career includes Mansfield, Derby and Wigan as well as the Brewers (twice), and his career management stats are one winning penalty shoot out, one losing draw (in the Troffy) and a defeat by the Seaside; they’ve got Villa in Round 2 of the EFL Cup (Harrogate have got West Brom, whose season didn’t start too well) ......... Famous ex-players (taken from their Player of the Season list for a change) include John McGrath (now manager of Mickleover Sports), striker Stuart Beavon (Chairboys, Preston, Coventry and Wrexham) who now plays – what a coincidence - for Mickleover Sports (Northern Premier League Premier Division), Calvin Zola-Makongo (as in “couldn’t hit the floor with his hat” as per the Crewe Faithful) whose career ended at Stevenage (like many others have) in 2015, Lucas Akins, holder of the Burton Record for most goals scored in the EFL (which was previously held by Billy Whizz), and Darren Stride, who played there for 17 seasons, was captain for 12, played in central defence and sometimes in central attack, and scored 124 goals in 654 games with the club ...........And how come Billy Whizz was never Player of the Season?

Their biggest win in the League was 6-1 against Aldershot (which was the first team ever to win promotion through a Play Off, beating Wolves 3-0 over two legs in the Division 4 Final in 1987, and who now, as Aldershot Town, play in the Bananarama ..... Biggest League defeat was by 7-1 against Brizzle in April 2013, and again against Portly Vale the April after; they won League Two in 2014/15 and went up to le Championnat the year after in second place, two points behind Wigan and a point ahead of Walsall ..... and did you see that John Sheridan is the new Wigan Boss, making them the 23rd EFL side he’s managed overall? (Ok, it’s his 9th club, but he’s managed Oldham three times and TwistySpires Utd twice ...............)

Deadline for entries is, as always, scheduled kick-off time, which is 3.00pm on Saturday 19th September ............. We had 24 entries last Saturday, including all last season’s top-20 except for Revived Red and Leylandii, and – newly arrived (where have you been all these years?) - Mr & Mrs Red Darreners, who seem to have entered a joint prediction ............... Three changes on Saturday v The Posh from the team that met the Brewers in the Carabao – Conneely, Sangare and Uwakwe (his name’s worth 16 points in Scrabble letters, in case you’re interested!) in for Johnson, Barclay and Allen ................ We’ll see how Professor C rings the changes (if at all) for our second meeting by the side of the Trent .... we got a draw – this time for a win!

And who can tell me the last time we won our opening game of the season? Well, it was 2017/18, when we beat Colchester United 3-1 (goals by Kayden Jackson, Billy Kee and Omar Beckles) ....... And when have we ever had a more promising-looking squad (that’s put the mockers on that, hasn’t it?) – worthy of a few quid on (whisper it) Going Up ........ Actually, SkyBet had us favourites against the Posh (21-10 us, 11-10 them, 23-10 the draw) ........

And the remarkable thing about the four sendings-off in the opening week’s fixtures was that they all happened in Time Added On (FergieTime); O’Toole on 90+ 6, Atkinson on 90+5, Pierre on 90+ 4, and Dobson also on 90+ 6

And if we don’t have our Best-Ever Season this season, I’ll show me bum in Burton’s window (known on Tyneside, I gather, as “bare me arse in Fenwick’s window” – Fenwick’s being a Northumberland department store which is – I quote – “famous for the quality of its window displays, especially at Christmas”) – and you’re all doing the same! That’ll give them a Christmas Display to Remember! And Macclesfield’s obituary will follow next time ............... sad!

Good luck to everyone! ………….. Stay safe and keep well! ………… And – sorry Cashy - thanks for playing!

16-09-2020, 15:48	#1
Div3North Senior Member+ Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: South(ish) Preston Posts: 4,008 Blog Entries: 1 Liked: 1260 times Rep Power: 896013	2020/21 Prediction League; Game 2 v Burton Albion (away) Burton Albion v Accrington Stanley 2020/21 Prediction League; Game 2 v Burton Albinos (away) I was up in Glasgow a few weeks back, and I went in to a cake shop on Sochi ... Sokkeye ...... Saucchi ....... the Market, and I said to the woman behind the counter, “Is that a custard, or a meringue?” She said, “No, ye’re no wrang – it’s a custard” (say it out loud in a Jim Taggart accent!) HUGE kudos to Professor Coley, Jimmy the Wizard and the players for Saturday; we looked really good, and thoroughly deserved the win. Even accepting that the Posh – who are currently bottom of League One, by the way, albeit that it’s in part alphabetical - were without some of their squad, so were we, and I doubt many sides will keep a clean sheet against them (it only happened eight times in 35 games last season). Bragging Rights also to Harrogate in League Two (hands up if you knew they’re nicknamed the Sulphurites - apparently because of the Spa water in Harrogate – and if it’s that full of sulphur I’m not drinking it!) who followed their 8-7 penalty shoot-out win at Tranmere in the EFL Cup with a 5-4 penalty shootout losing draw (how in hell’s name can you have a penalty shootout losing draw?) at Grimsby in the Troffy, and whose first-ever League match ended with a 4-0 away spanking of Southend (who, if they carry on like that, look likely to be down the Greasy Pole of Oblivion by Christmas). I might have picked out Swindon too – top of League One (we’re second – so I suggest the League is ended now, all placings to count for the season after!) – if they’d been up against anybody but Rochdale; but the Richdoodles, now without leading scorer Joe “Mr Piano” Henderson (who signed for the SalfordMoneybags) could have a long cold winter ahead ..... So instead of them, how about Vegan Greenpeace Utd, who went to Mighty Bolton and shot them down with a Winchester? .......... sorry, that should have read, “shot them down with a goal by Winchester” (Carl of that name) which – according to the BBC – “fired them to a League Two victory” (Winchester ..... shot ..... fired ...... Gerrit?). That also meant that Ian Evatt, ex-Manager of Barrow (who got a decent point), and currently the Boss at Burnden (or wherever the hell they play), is still without a win in any competition this season (losing to VGU 0-1 in the League, to Bradford 2-1 in the EFL Cup, and to Crewe 3-2 in the Troffy – and all at home!). I should check if you can defer your mortgage before they sack you, Ian, if I were you Starter for 10 this week, then; there were four red cards on the opening day of League One on Saturday 12th September; Burton’s John-Joe O’Toole at Fleetwood, Oxford’s Rob Atkinson at Lincoln (although his was overturned later on appeal), Aaron Pierre for the long-nosed pointy things away at Pompey, and George Dobson for Slumberland at home to Brizzle; but what was remarkable about those four dismissals? So it’s Burton (away) again, eh? I typed “interesting places to visit in Burton on Trent” into the search engine on my laptop, but they were both shut ............ So I tried “famous people called Burton”, which turned up Tim Burton (Gothic Filmmaker), Kate Burton (Swiss-born Welsh-American actress, daughter of Richard and Sybil), Sarah Burton (creative director of Alexander McQueen, and the designer of Kate Middleton’s wedding dress), and of course Taffy – Richard Burton, more correctly Richard Walter Jenkins Jr (which makes Elizabeth Taylor, correctly, Mrs Lizzie Jenkins) – not a name conducive, you may think, to a standout stage and film career ...... Oggy oggy oggy ..............! And have you ever wondered about the origins of the expression “Gone for a Burton”? They variously include the empty chair – shades of Les Mis - at the table where the occupant has impliedly nipped out for a pint of Burton’s Ale; the visit to collect his demob suit from the stores by the bloke about to be discharged from the Forces at the end of WWII (most of said demob suits were made by Sir Montague Burton’s famous firm of Gents Outfitters), or as a reference to an (untraced) pilot who died when his plane was shot down into the sea. None of them are actually provable, although the expression is accepted as a RAF term meaning someone who’s missing or dead, and it certainly first appeared in the UK in the War, is attributed to the 40s, and quickly crossed the pond to the good old US of A ................ where, in June 1943, a story titled Husky Goes Down for a Burton appeared in Boys' Life, the magazine of the Boy Scouts of America. The expression “Husky Goes Down for a Burton” is ...... errrm ........ ‘interesting’; it reminds me of Sir John Gieldgud, who pleaded guilty to ‘cottaging’ – “importuning for immoral purposes” - in a Gents public toilet back in 1953, a few short months after he’d been knighted. He gave his name as Arthur Gielgud (his middle name), and described himself as a self-employed clerk; produced at Chelsea Magistrates’ Court the following day, he was fined and told to “Go and see your Doctor at once” by the Magistrates, but instead he went off to the rehearsal of the NC Hunter play he was in, where he was met by Sybil Thorndike, also in the cast, who said to him – thus delivering the most magnificent, ultimate, unintended double entendre – the words, “Oh John, you have been a silly bgger!” Los Albinos finished last season in 12th place off the back of a record which reads P35 W12 D12 L11 GF50 GA50 for a PPG rating of 1.37 ....... we did them 2-0 at ours on 29th December (the start of our revival, as I recall) with goals from Sean McStillInjured* on 39 and Big Ross on 65, and took a point from them four weeks later at the Racing Car Tyres Stadium with a half-Desmond (our goal from Dion Wonderstrike Charles). Six players left in the summer – Scottish AMF Scott Fraser to the PhoneyWombles, striker Oliver Sarkic to Blackpool, GK Stephen Bywater to Putting Your Feet up in Retirement and three others to the Bananarama, including one to The Place Where There Are No Moors (ie Solihull) ..... They also sold former Academy keeper Teddy Sharman-Lowe to Chelski and got him back on a season-long loan Eight came in; one was Lawless, one was Reg Varney (On the Buses) – oh no, Luke Varney); other arrivals included ex Grimsby AMF Charles Vermin (hang on, Vernam – must get some new specs!), RB Neal Eardley and journeyman DMF Michael Bostwick (both from Lindum Colonia), striker Kane Lemmings – er, Hemmings – from Dundee (with cake!), RW Owen Gallagher from Notts Forest, and Irish GK Kieran O’Hara, who came free from Man U, so he did ................. They started their League programme at Fleetwood; they went one down to a Camps goal (that’s his name, not a description of the goal) on 17 mins, when they failed to clear a corner, equalised through John Brayford after 66 – the goal being awarded after something of a committee meeting, apparently, and then left Paddy Madman – er, Madden – unmarked in the box, from where he poked in the winner on 79; The CodPieces had 13 shots, 5 on target, 5 corners and 16 fouls; Burton’s Biscuits had 9 shots (3 on target), 8 corners and 12 fouls They – Burton Albion - were formed in 1950, and made it into the EFL in 2002; before the Pirelli was built their home was Eton Park, and before he resigned (for financial reasons, I seem to remember) their Manager was Old Big’ead’s lad Nigel on his second stint there; current manager – well, as of 18th May, player-manager - is defender Jake Buxton, whose career includes Mansfield, Derby and Wigan as well as the Brewers (twice), and his career management stats are one winning penalty shoot out, one losing draw (in the Troffy) and a defeat by the Seaside; they’ve got Villa in Round 2 of the EFL Cup (Harrogate have got West Brom, whose season didn’t start too well) ......... Famous ex-players (taken from their Player of the Season list for a change) include John McGrath (now manager of Mickleover Sports), striker Stuart Beavon (Chairboys, Preston, Coventry and Wrexham) who now plays – what a coincidence - for Mickleover Sports (Northern Premier League Premier Division), Calvin Zola-Makongo (as in “couldn’t hit the floor with his hat” as per the Crewe Faithful) whose career ended at Stevenage (like many others have) in 2015, Lucas Akins, holder of the Burton Record for most goals scored in the EFL (which was previously held by Billy Whizz), and Darren Stride, who played there for 17 seasons, was captain for 12, played in central defence and sometimes in central attack, and scored 124 goals in 654 games with the club ...........And how come Billy Whizz was never Player of the Season? Their biggest win in the League was 6-1 against Aldershot (which was the first team ever to win promotion through a Play Off, beating Wolves 3-0 over two legs in the Division 4 Final in 1987, and who now, as Aldershot Town, play in the Bananarama ..... Biggest League defeat was by 7-1 against Brizzle in April 2013, and again against Portly Vale the April after; they won League Two in 2014/15 and went up to le Championnat the year after in second place, two points behind Wigan and a point ahead of Walsall ..... and did you see that John Sheridan is the new Wigan Boss, making them the 23rd EFL side he’s managed overall? (Ok, it’s his 9th club, but he’s managed Oldham three times and TwistySpires Utd twice ...............) Deadline for entries is, as always, scheduled kick-off time, which is 3.00pm on Saturday 19th September ............. We had 24 entries last Saturday, including all last season’s top-20 except for Revived Red and Leylandii, and – newly arrived (where have you been all these years?) - Mr & Mrs Red Darreners, who seem to have entered a joint prediction ............... Three changes on Saturday v The Posh from the team that met the Brewers in the Carabao – Conneely, Sangare and Uwakwe (his name’s worth 16 points in Scrabble letters, in case you’re interested!) in for Johnson, Barclay and Allen ................ We’ll see how Professor C rings the changes (if at all) for our second meeting by the side of the Trent .... we got a draw – this time for a win! And who can tell me the last time we won our opening game of the season? Well, it was 2017/18, when we beat Colchester United 3-1 (goals by Kayden Jackson, Billy Kee and Omar Beckles) ....... And when have we ever had a more promising-looking squad (that’s put the mockers on that, hasn’t it?) – worthy of a few quid on (whisper it) Going Up ........ Actually, SkyBet had us favourites against the Posh (21-10 us, 11-10 them, 23-10 the draw) ........ And the remarkable thing about the four sendings-off in the opening week’s fixtures was that they all happened in Time Added On (FergieTime); O’Toole on 90+ 6, Atkinson on 90+5, Pierre on 90+ 4, and Dobson also on 90+ 6 And if we don’t have our Best-Ever Season this season, I’ll show me bum in Burton’s window (known on Tyneside, I gather, as “bare me arse in Fenwick’s window” – Fenwick’s being a Northumberland department store which is – I quote – “famous for the quality of its window displays, especially at Christmas”) – and you’re all doing the same! That’ll give them a Christmas Display to Remember! And Macclesfield’s obituary will follow next time ............... sad! Good luck to everyone! ………….. Stay safe and keep well! ………… And – sorry Cashy - thanks for playing!