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The Musings of a Mule.

This being the thoughts & commentaries, musings & ponderation of said Donkey. A rather irrelevant look at life & its aspects seen through the eyes of someone who finds thistles ........ rather tasty !
Rating: 1 votes, 5.00 average.

Festive reflections (Or - A Christmas Conundrum)

Posted 28-11-2010 at 20:23 by DaveinGermany
Updated 28-11-2010 at 22:14 by DaveinGermany

Merry Christmas one & all ! (Now you can blame our very own Marge P for setting me off again )

It's some what strange don't you think that at one of the most coldest, darkest & primeval times of the year that we're expected to abound with "Joie de Vivre" (that's horrible French touchy feely smugness by the way) & generally be full of goodwill to our fellow Man (& Woman) regardless of past feuds, slights, digs & snubs. The very same people who you've (for the past 363 days) happily, imaginatively & on numerous occasions been plotting the untimely & quite possibly painful demise of ! Suddenly it's December & all bets are off ? Why ? Do we have a renascence at this time of year ? Or is it down to the enlivening of "Spirit" (Take your pick here ! I think mostly it's spirit in the liquid form )

Regardless this "Spirit" brings forth a change in Mankind & attitudes are therefore altered. No longer do we feel that "I'm not letting that miserable sod in in front of me !" to a more mellower "On you go mate ! I've got time" sort of demeanour. We tend to smile more at rambunctious kids & harried young Mums as they bounce around the toy section of the shops as opposed to the more usual refrain of "Tsk, tsk, in my day they'd of gotten a damned good hiding !" or the other standard of "Does it bite ?" ( go on deny it if you can). This change, this metamorphosis is brought on by what ? Alcohol ? (quite possibly) the Season ? (probably) Or the ghosts of Christmas past inherent in us all ? (more than likely) Or a combination of all of the above (I reckon so ).

Furthermore the family ! When was the last time Auntie Ethel & Uncle Fred where last round ? Oh yeah, I remember last Christmas ! Long lost relatives, friends & acquaintances make reappearances not seen since their last sighting at, oh about this time last year ! Especially if you're renown for having a good spread & an over average bout of "Seasonal Bonhomie" (another nauseas French habit) towards all the prodigals, waifs & strays . Alongside of all this that eternal dilemma of prezzies ! Do you ? don't you ? Money, smellies, socks. shreddies, ties or zilch ? Do you palm off grannies Lavender bath cubes (given to you 3 years ago & still wrapped) to the lesser spotted Auntie Mabel or will they meet & talk ? Or do you get her something like a good Bottle of Whisky (Just like the one you had last year which she managed to destroyed on boxing day over Turkey Butties while insisting her dislike of strong Alcohol & all things foreign). The options are infinite & the chance of family feud pretty much guaranteed !

We touched on food just, which in itself is another peculiarity of the festive Season. For 363 days of the year beans on toast suffices, the occasional roast with all the works or an odd heavy duty, artery hardening, grease laden, truck drivers fried Brekky are seen as special treats & not the norm Now mention Christmas & all rules about healthy eating, over indulgence & dietary restraint do a lord Lucan & disappear along with all sense of propriety. A Cuppa at Christmas without a Mince pie scandalous ! Tins of sweeties, packs of dates & tubs of Turkish delight, waylay the incautious, "Oh go on then ! Just the one, it is Christmas after all !" So it begins the slide into sloth & slobbery for the foreseeable future. (the folly of which then becomes apparent on the 27th of Dec when the Christmas ads are replaced with Summer Holiday ads, showing beautiful people chasing whales off a golden beach, sadly in our reality we are that Whale).

The main culprit in all this, that 16 stone bird out back (and I don't mean the one with all the piercings & mis-spelt self needled tattoos you picked up at the boozy works Christmas do you had either ! ) I mean the one you intend to cook come Crimbo day ! Why ? Your normal Sunday chicken, a paltry insignificant thing, like a Pigeon on steroids, normally does the family adequately weighing in at 3lbs wet ! So why the hell have something so huge for one day & more specifically one meal ? I assume most blokes are responsible for buying said beast (that being the case, things become clearer, ladies it's a size thing ! You need not know or worry about it & besides that expectations are seldom lived up to ! So I'm told). That aside not just this festive fowl bedecks & graces our table at this Season of Joy, spuds, the humble 'tater, mashed, roasted, duchessed ? Peas, Stuffing, Pigs in blankets, gravy, roast parsnips, carrots & of course the marmite of the festive meal, those blaring Brassicas "Sprouts". And all this is just one meal !

On survival of the above & with the aid & assistance of large amounts of intoxicants the frivolities of the day may continue. A short pause, bellies like poisoned Pups and paper crowns rakishly adorning Beer befuddled heads, seconds out round two, back to the table, the "Duff" is presented. Now tradition decrees that said "Duff" shall be set alight by dousing in spirits & ignited, this job usually falls to the family arsonist, who after several false starts, firstly wrestling the Brandy bottle off Gran, singed eyebrows napkins aflame & smoke detector disconnected because of the deafening noise, manages to kindle this relic of a bygone time, shimmering prettily with ethereal blue flame, sighs of contentment around the table, as we bask in the radiance & serenity of family unity for at least one brief hiatus, which by this time next week will be forgotten about in the tumult of our day to day lives & family intrigues, ah well !

I don't really suppose I need to describe, how the rest of the day pans out, you've all been there, seen it, done it, read the Book (Which you intend to exchange as soon as Smiths is open again ) & got the T-Shirt ! The continued noshing of dainties, further carousing & quaffing, the sleeping through repeats & Christmas specials & eventually ambling off to bed, well that's Christmas over & done with for another year ! Suppose it'll be Turkey for the next couple of days, souped, curried, buttied, even the Grimlin would've had a belly full of Turkey by now, don't you just love Christmas ? So what next ? Well New years just around the corner should be pretty good fun !

One final note, most of us are lucky to have good family & friends around us at this time, & despite the inevitable sibling rivalry & infighting that is just a part of life, kiss & make up (What the hell even your hairy, blokey, macho mates !) Lifes to short & true friends to few & precious, but we shouldn't have to wait for one specific time in the year to realise this it should be our constant companion, sadly though that isn't always the case, so please, spare a thought for those less fortunate. And on that note I'll leave you to ponder & finish by wishing you all out there where ever you may be "Seasons greetings" & "Merry Christmas" to you & yours ! Enjoy, I know I will !

Take care & thanks for reading .....
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Views 906 Comments 3
Total Comments 3


  1. Old Comment
    cashman's Avatar
    yer started off wrong Dave if i detest someone all year, i sure as hell still detest em at christmas, sod the goodwill to terdheads.
    Posted 28-11-2010 at 20:28 by cashman cashman is online now
  2. Old Comment
    Margaret Pilkington's Avatar
    Great Blog again son
    Glad I loosened those nuggets of reflection from your scone.
    I could picture it all at your house......that is a real skill...making your reader feel like they are participating!

    I'm still carmudgeonly though....maybe it is down to a lack of spirit ...the bottled kind, I mean.
    If you get a chance....please read my blog....'A Perfect Christmas'

    A Perfect Christmas...... - Accrington Web
    Posted 28-11-2010 at 21:38 by Margaret Pilkington Margaret Pilkington is online now
    Updated 28-11-2010 at 21:43 by Margaret Pilkington
  3. Old Comment
    DaveinGermany's Avatar
    Thanks Ma & have done, intuitive again as most of your observations are.
    Posted 28-11-2010 at 22:04 by DaveinGermany DaveinGermany is offline

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