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The Musings of a Mule.

This being the thoughts & commentaries, musings & ponderation of said Donkey. A rather irrelevant look at life & its aspects seen through the eyes of someone who finds thistles ........ rather tasty !
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On an Ouch scale of 10!

Posted 29-10-2016 at 14:43 by DaveinGermany

Hiya all,

As of late those who browse my postings may have noticed a somewhat erratic & random approach to posting. Instead of orderly regular timings they're proper "Farmer" postings (chucking my muck out at all hours, times & all over the place!) in the main due to having far to much time on my hands, disrupted kip/daily routines out the window & boredom! (always a bad thing when an urchin like me has nothing to occupy or gainfully employ me, ask the Wifey for references! )

The reason for this insouciance? (That's a good word that there ...) My mortal injury as mentioned a wee while back, while doing my daily endeavours & going about my lawful, gainful employment I had the misfortune to misstep, leading to a curving backwards descent from height, culminating in instant deceleration trauma upon tarmac contact. (Er yeah, I fell off the back of a truck )

Point of contact being upper right shoulder & road, swiftly followed by rapid compression & deceleration of 98 Kg of prime me! Result 3 seconds of "What the hell just happened there?" a further 2 seconds of "Am I hurt? ....Ooh yeah that smarts somewhat" closely followed by cussin' whimper, yowl, cuss some more ,ooh ooh ow ow, that really does hurt & why wont that move like it should & ooer that don't look right! Whimper, snort, Ouch.

Contemplating the damage, broken cases of bottled water smashed & spread across the street, trolley in the ditch & me huffin', puffin' & ouch ouching! Eeh, it were a proper bomb site. Luckily the Lass I was delivering to came out after the second round of yowling, saw the death & destruction (and unlike my peers when such a thing happens) showed genuine concern & sympathy for my plight! But like the Pony express from days of yore, I picked up my crumpled pride, bent trolley & continued the mission, albeit with one & a half arms despite the good ladys admonishments (for good or bad I tend to have a stubborn streak) and the job was a good un'.

That done though it was game over, no chance of driving the truck or doing the remaining deliveries so I had to make the call! Ring, ring, "Er Hello boss, Dave here, I think I may have broken something, that something being me!" He was good about it, we sorted out the problem of an abandoned wagon, lock up & key collect & that I should get the Witchity one to pick up my sorry & battered arse & get it carted off to the Hozzy to see if I needed putting down or not.

Eventually the duty broomstick & driver turned to & off to Hozzy we did go. Arriving at about 10 past 10, it was then a case of going through the procedures, form filling, explaining, re explaining. navigating the rabbit warren maze of the Hozzy to get the right departments, then the same rigmarole all over again with the next gang of officialdom & all the while the initial adrenalin rush was wearing off & mr kick arse pain was slyly sneaking in! The ouch scale was arising.

Eventually after much to-ing & fro-ing, prodding, poking, x-rays, renewed prodding, poking, twisting bending, paperwork, explaining & chuntering, I was scheduled in for an op on the Friday (this being the wednesday). So off I was sent on my merry way with a fistfull of horse tablets, happy drops & a gert big harness/sling for the offended appendage. (All done by 14.40)

Now throughout my adventurous & colourful existence I've been in & out of Hozzys on numerous occasions for various ills (mine & other folks, admittedly others folks visits were more to my liking as I could cut out sharpish when the implements were presented) but this was to be my first ever, arse hangin' out your nightie, no idea what just happened? full on prody,pokey, pass us the 'ammer op! Worried, terrified, angst? Nah, rufty tufty ex Squaddie me, bring it on ...... just make sure I'm fully wacked out thank you very much.

To be honest, I was a little concerned about the thought of tubes being shoved down me neck as that really is a no go for me, but the very nice & Germanic anaesthetist informed me in no nonsensey krautish, don't be such a wuss! You'll be spark out, k.o. so you'll not know a thing about it she (grinned) said.

No need for all the grisly details but on the Friday it was off to the op. Can't say I know much about it really, they'd explained the process, our neighbour from over the street works in O.P. so as I lay on the mobile scratcher part way fuzzed up with tablets she nipped in to say hello & not to worry as she'd be there during the procedure. Which is easy for her to say as it was me they were about to mangle .

I think the most traumatic part of it all wasn't the prep, the op itself or the waking up post op totally monged out on whatever they'd injected & made me breathe in, oh no. But having to pack me spuds & owd chap into an elasticated micromesh onion bag which the staffer on the ward assured me were a pair of grollies, (mortified) then the brick like pad I had to pinch between me butt cheeks in case of involuntary expulsion (crushed) and the piece de resistance, frilly hat & a back to front nightie with me little rosy arse cheeks exposed to the wicked world at large (devastated). Oh for shame! (who am I trying to kid? No worse than full parade down the Sqn bar on a P.o.e.t,s shout.)

So there you go, that's the stand of things 2 weeks down the line. Had my first Phsyioterrorist session yesterday evening with another 10 to go over the next 4 weeks. Then it's back in again for part deux where they take out the wires with all the above mentioned horrendousness & humiliation all over again (I think it's probably Karma catch up for being such a scuzz bucket ) Still what can you do eh?

So thanks for ploughing through my soliloquy, grab yourselves an extra chokky bikky you've earned it.

Go well & go safe in all your doings, kindest regards, Dave
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 1824 Comments 8
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Total Comments 8


  1. Old Comment
    Margaret Pilkington's Avatar
    Sorry to hear about your fall off the back of a wagon.
    Must've been a hell of a bounce.
    Your report on the hospital excursion had me I lie, I was proper giggling.....especially the onion bag bit.
    How many times have I seen bare bum cheeks hanging out of the back of theatre garb( though they always belonged to ladies)....too many.
    All that said, I hope you keep on doing the physio stuff, that part two of the process restores you to some sort of normality.
    Take care son.....and hasten slowly, recovery takes as long as it takes.
    Posted 29-10-2016 at 15:25 by Margaret Pilkington Margaret Pilkington is offline
  2. Old Comment
    DaveinGermany's Avatar
    Cheers Ma, I'll take your advice on board being as how you know the score through vast experience. The phsyioterrorist also gave me the gypoes warning, needless to say Witchity one's loving it ticking me off constantly under the guise of "The Doc said ... nag, nag,nag!"

    It's a cruel world when you're me!
    Posted 29-10-2016 at 16:44 by DaveinGermany DaveinGermany is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Margaret Pilkington's Avatar
    Yes...cruel it is...but it will be more painful and much more cruel for longer if you do not heed the gypsis warning.

    Anyway, I thought you chaps had a 'deaf' the button and you do not hear those nagging(but caring) words.
    Posted 29-10-2016 at 19:07 by Margaret Pilkington Margaret Pilkington is offline
  4. Old Comment
    DaveinGermany's Avatar
    We do have, but its been slapped that often it's permanently stuck in the on position.
    Posted 29-10-2016 at 19:14 by DaveinGermany DaveinGermany is offline
  5. Old Comment
    cashman's Avatar
    Get well soon yeh gormless sod.
    Posted 29-10-2016 at 21:26 by cashman cashman is offline
  6. Old Comment
    DaveinGermany's Avatar
    Cheers Cashy!
    Posted 30-10-2016 at 10:25 by DaveinGermany DaveinGermany is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Sorry to hear that your truck mishap has caused so much damage and pain to you and hope you get better very, very soon. Yes, do as Margaret says, she does know what she's talking about.

    Have to say, though, although I really do feel sorry for you, your blog did make me laugh. It's good to know that you haven't lost your sense of humour. You've probably needed it.....
    Posted 02-11-2016 at 06:27 by dotti34 dotti34 is offline
  8. Old Comment
    DaveinGermany's Avatar
    Thanks Dotti, and yes the humour has helped & I'm glad you chuckled at my misfortunes, no offence taken.
    Posted 02-11-2016 at 08:10 by DaveinGermany DaveinGermany is offline

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