Part 2 - absent dad

So I stood outside the shop trying to see if I could see anyone familiar through the window... nothing.

Do I go in? do I stand here a bit longer hoping I might spot someone? Or do I walk away and maybe regret not taking the plunge in the future?

Well the decision was made for me when my then hubby decided he would take the lead and go in and I just followed.

It was quite a large shop, to the right of the door was the newspaper part of the shop and to the left was like a stationary section and straight ahead were a small flight of stairs leading to the little book section.

I looked round the paper and stationary section but saw no-one familiar... "Oh no" I thought maybe I've come on his day off!!!!

We headed up the small staircase and when we got to the top it hit me like a bolt of lightening... stood behind the counter to the right of the stairs, there was no doubt it was my dad!

Now when I was little my dad was quite a tall, very, very thin man with dark short wavy hair and a moustache.. Here was a man still tall, but with quite a lot of middle aged spread going on (which amazed me as I remember he could never put an ounce on no matter what he ate), white as the driven snow thinning hair and white moustache. But there was no doubt in my mind it was my dad.

I perused the books for a while, deliberately glancing over at the counter from time to time to see if he was looking. Then ... he spoke "Can I help you with anything?" splutter, splutter, splutter and I managed to ask about a book on children's cakes!!!! WHY?? I have no idea, maybe it was my way of saying "I have kids you know".

He showed me where the books were but still no sign of recognition, I looked through the books and chose the cheapest kiddies cake book I could find (as I really didn't want one, but wanted to buy something so he would have to serve me). I took it to the counter and looked him straight in the eyes...nothing. He served me, put the book in a bag, took my money and gave me my change... still nothing.

By this time I felt a bit miffed that he hadn't recognised his own daughter and as we were about to leave, I just couldn't help it.....

My mouth opened and before I could stop myself I blurted out "Bit of a poor do when you don't even recognise your own daughter... isn't it DAD??" and turned heal and walked down the stairs and behind me I could hear my husband say "Alright Geoff" (dad's name and he'd never met him before).

I couldn't get out the shop quick enough but in my mind I was thinking "He will follow me". I turned to hubby and said "So what do I do now?" and we decided to just walk slowly up the street to give him chance to catch up with us.... nothing. So halfway up I decided we should walk back down and slowly past the shop to see if he was looking. We did and once again through the window there was no-one to be seen.

It was strange, I wasn't quite sure how I was feeling about it. I think the nervous adrenalin was still running through my veins.

Later was a different matter, I cried and cried, but in all I think it finally gave me some closure and have hardly wondered about my dad ever again... Obviously till now.

In hindsight and after talking to my mum she pointed out that it was probably unfair to expect him to recognise me after 10 years especially as I was not even a teenager when he last saw me and was now a woman.

Strange experience in all though