The perils of.....DIY beauty treatments
Posted 06-04-2012 at 12:06 by lettie
What a glorious week last week was!! Deciding that it was time to shed my winter woolies for the week, I dug out last years summer clothes. After all, I didn't get much wear out of them last year, I distinctly remember it being a bit parky at times.
Donning a short sleeved top and 3/4 length pants made me notice how pale I looked. I have the type of skin that doesn't tan easily, a blueish shade of white usually associated with people of a Celtic background....
In order to rectify this and try to make me look like I wasn't in need of a lie down on a mortuary slab, I decided to invest in a fake tan. I was out shopping at the time so instead of taking the time to have a professional fake tan at the Beauticians, I decided to buy one over the counter and do it myself.
I did this for two reasons really, I thought it would save time and....... I couldn't bear to have to show my fat white flesh to another living soul. Let's face it, nobody deserves to have to go through that when they are trying to make a living. The only person that ever sees more than a bit of ankle is Sparks (and I genuinely think he's half blind, and loves me anyway).
So I invested in a bottle of fake tan. Now I'm nothing if not cheap, and not wanting to waste money on the very pricey St. Tropez, I went for the St Moriz, a snip at £3.
I got the stuff home and read the instructions. It advised wearing gloves during application, or using the special St Moriz applicator (which I didn't have). My only gloves were my Marigolds and, seeing as I had cleaned the loo with them on, only a few days before, I didn't want to use those.
I read on, it advised to wash hands immediately after use and, to allow 4-6 hours before showering, perspiring (although, how you can avoid that, I'm not quite sure), or swimming.
Now, call me an idiot but, to me, those instructions actually imply that the stuff is not waterproof and will simply wash away......
I decided to go for it. Well, the stuff sprayed out of the can with the ferocity of a car jet wash. It was the colour of liquid treacle, I immediately started to rub it in and was relieved to find that it went a very pale golden colour. I quickly did my arms and lower legs. Wiped up the mess from the bathroom tiles where I had had a bit of a mishap with my aim, and went to wash my hands.
Well, the stuff wouldn't shift with soap and water!!!!
With hands the colour of an Oompa-Lumpa I went looking for something to help me shift it. I tried:- nail varnish remover, white spirit, Mr Muscle window cleaner, vinegar and Flash Bathroom cleaner. All of this was to no avail. In the end, I thought 'sod it' and went up to the Peel Park for a drink with Sparks. He never did notice my orange hands, and thankfully, the colour did fade after a couple of days.
I don't yet know if I am game to try it again. My colour has faded now and I am looking pasty again. With my track record of failed DIY beauty projects, I'm thinking that I should maybe leave well alone. On the other hand, the results of this were nowhere near as traumatically devastating as the Immac incident. I don't know if I ever blogged about the Immac incident, I may do though..........
Donning a short sleeved top and 3/4 length pants made me notice how pale I looked. I have the type of skin that doesn't tan easily, a blueish shade of white usually associated with people of a Celtic background....
In order to rectify this and try to make me look like I wasn't in need of a lie down on a mortuary slab, I decided to invest in a fake tan. I was out shopping at the time so instead of taking the time to have a professional fake tan at the Beauticians, I decided to buy one over the counter and do it myself.
I did this for two reasons really, I thought it would save time and....... I couldn't bear to have to show my fat white flesh to another living soul. Let's face it, nobody deserves to have to go through that when they are trying to make a living. The only person that ever sees more than a bit of ankle is Sparks (and I genuinely think he's half blind, and loves me anyway).
So I invested in a bottle of fake tan. Now I'm nothing if not cheap, and not wanting to waste money on the very pricey St. Tropez, I went for the St Moriz, a snip at £3.
I got the stuff home and read the instructions. It advised wearing gloves during application, or using the special St Moriz applicator (which I didn't have). My only gloves were my Marigolds and, seeing as I had cleaned the loo with them on, only a few days before, I didn't want to use those.
I read on, it advised to wash hands immediately after use and, to allow 4-6 hours before showering, perspiring (although, how you can avoid that, I'm not quite sure), or swimming.
Now, call me an idiot but, to me, those instructions actually imply that the stuff is not waterproof and will simply wash away......
I decided to go for it. Well, the stuff sprayed out of the can with the ferocity of a car jet wash. It was the colour of liquid treacle, I immediately started to rub it in and was relieved to find that it went a very pale golden colour. I quickly did my arms and lower legs. Wiped up the mess from the bathroom tiles where I had had a bit of a mishap with my aim, and went to wash my hands.
Well, the stuff wouldn't shift with soap and water!!!!
With hands the colour of an Oompa-Lumpa I went looking for something to help me shift it. I tried:- nail varnish remover, white spirit, Mr Muscle window cleaner, vinegar and Flash Bathroom cleaner. All of this was to no avail. In the end, I thought 'sod it' and went up to the Peel Park for a drink with Sparks. He never did notice my orange hands, and thankfully, the colour did fade after a couple of days. I don't yet know if I am game to try it again. My colour has faded now and I am looking pasty again. With my track record of failed DIY beauty projects, I'm thinking that I should maybe leave well alone. On the other hand, the results of this were nowhere near as traumatically devastating as the Immac incident. I don't know if I ever blogged about the Immac incident, I may do though..........
Total Comments 7
Comments
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Oh, Lettie...if you could see me now........I'm sat here with big fat dobrous tears of laughter coursing down my cheeks........you have really given my chuckle muscle a run for it's money today........I'm going to look for one of your posts and deliver you a chunk of Karma!
As for the Immac incident.......I hope it is going to be blogged and it is of laughalicious proportions(a bit on the style of my Hairy Mary blog)
Posted 06-04-2012 at 14:36 by Margaret Pilkington 
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Never mind, the weather now means you won't be showing much flesh again for a while! Surprised you had any skin left on your hands after trying that lot on them!Posted 06-04-2012 at 14:37 by susie123
Updated 06-04-2012 at 16:01 by susie123 -
why yeh using crap like that? good lookin birds don't need it.Posted 06-04-2012 at 14:57 by cashman 
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I agree with you Cashy......Pale and interesting, pale and interesting......but I'm glad lettie tried it, but from a purely selfish point of view....it gave me the best laugh I have had this week......sorry Lettie
Posted 06-04-2012 at 16:43 by Margaret Pilkington
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get some latex gloves from the poundshop .. and a fake tan mitt from superdrug .. does save having the orange hands ...Posted 08-04-2012 at 00:10 by shillelagh
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A good looking bird comes in a roasting tin swimming in gravy & surrounded by tatties.Quote:Originally Posted by cashman
why yeh using crap like that? good lookin birds don't need it.
The truth about the penny pinching bottle of St. Moritz fake tan... It was actually Tango!Posted 10-04-2012 at 16:56 by Sparkologist
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I tried doing DIY on my legs and Bikini area using a TRIA home laser hair removal device. I like yourself am not the best at DIY as my husband would tell you. Anyways to cut a long story short I made a right mess. I had hair in some places but not others and I always got a red rash near my private area. I know just go to the London Premier Laser Clinic to have it done professionally. Just wish it wasnt as expensive
Posted 15-06-2012 at 12:03 by sparker10
