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Looking on the bright side..

Posted 24-08-2005 at 07:03 by lettie

I did say at the beginning of these entries that my life changed as a result of this period of my life. In a sick kind of way it was the making of me....

I remember being bullied at school once and sticking up for myself. The bully never came near me again. I was only in the flat with Mark for 7 months, it felt like a lot longer at the time, but during that time I lost all sense of self, temporarily of course.. It was Andrea who reminded me of who I used to be and her encouragement made me see that I could get away, with very little repercussion...

I eventually told everyone I knew about what had happened. Bullies like Mark rely on you being too frightened to tell anybody and will always try to isolate you from friends and family and make you think that you deserve a beating and it's your fault. I found that by telling people it not only made me stronger but it weakened him. My old school girl self made a reappearance and I have never put up with being bullied since.

Although this was a horrible time, I came out of it realising how strong I could be. It gave me the determination to achieve my goals and be independent. It did leave me very distrustful of men for a long time. I didn't so much as have a date for over 4 years. When I did start going on dates again sometimes things that the fella said or behaviour he exhibited would have my mind screaming 'GET OUT' and he would find himself dumped...

Some of these effects have remained with me to this day, but they are positive things. I am still a strong person and still have that determination to succeed. I will not put up with any form of abuse whether it be physical, financial, verbal or emotional blackmail. If someone says to me "if you loved me you'd............" They get told to ****** off and I don't ever give in. I have a terrible stubborn streak.

I have helped other people to get through this. A colleague once asked me to relate my story to one of our students, so I did..... She got out too and now works tirelessly to help other people in the same situation. It is possible to build a new life, even if there are children involved and you have no money. In fact, it is a damn sight easier now because the police take this very seriously and there are voluntary organisations to help. There was nothing when I did it.....

I have to admit that it has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster writing about this in my blog. After all, it was 20 years ago and is something that I rarely think about. I do beileve that this changed my life for the better and made me who I am today. As for Mark, one of his old friends informs me that he is still one of life's losers and will never be anything more than that. His pregnant girlfriend gave birth and then got out..... I have seen her since, and she does remember me..

I do remind myself that although this was a horrible time, I came out of it much better off....
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    garinda's Avatar

    Re: Looking on the bright side..

    Thank you.
    Posted 24-08-2005 at 09:45 by garinda garinda is offline
  2. Old Comment
    slinky's Avatar

    Re: Looking on the bright side..

    Thank god his pregnant girlfriend was strong enough to get out too!!!!!!!!.
    Hope he leads a very sad but most of all LONELY life now!!!!!! evil men like this deserve it.
    I have a friend that is going through the same. Her boyfriend gets drunk, gives her a good slap, then begs for forgivness the day after and sayd the famous words "I wont do it again, I'm really sorry, I love you".
    The thing is, she has no ties to this lad, she still lives at home with her mum and dad, no children with him. She's a really bonny girl and very out going. I feel like slapping her and telling her to wake up sometimes. It is also hard for people outside of it to watch it happen, and not be able to do anything. I just hope my friend see's sence in the end!!!
    Posted 24-08-2005 at 10:59 by slinky slinky is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Margaret Pilkington's Avatar

    Re: Looking on the bright side..

    Lettie, they say 'what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger'.......and in your case it was true. Maybe the great fates that decree what we are destined to do in this life, chose you because they knew you could overcome, learn from your experience AND be a beacon for others. Even this blog may help someone out there that you don't even know. It may give some woman out there the guts to get up and leave. Good on Ya Girl!
    Posted 24-08-2005 at 11:16 by Margaret Pilkington Margaret Pilkington is offline
  4. Old Comment
    harwood red's Avatar

    Re: Looking on the bright side..

    sometimes we wonder why things happen in our lives... maybe this was your destiny to suffer this period in your life so as you have said you could acheive things you may not have attempted before. WELL DONE LETTIE XXX
    Posted 24-08-2005 at 11:32 by harwood red harwood red is offline
  5. Old Comment
    West Ender's Avatar

    Re: Looking on the bright side..

    Lettie, I compliment you on writing about your experience. You have obviously emerged from this a much stronger person and I'm glad for you.
    Posted 24-08-2005 at 21:57 by West Ender West Ender is offline
  6. Old Comment

    Re: Looking on the bright side..

    I'm so glad that you had the courage to write this. Thank you
    Posted 25-08-2005 at 02:24 by Ber999T
 

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