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On the topic of motherhood...

Posted 30-05-2005 at 19:53 by -pixie

Margarets admissions of not being an "Instant Mother" has made me reflect a little on my own abilities as a mother and how I seem to deviate from the "norm". For instance at playgroup I will smack the brat on the hand if he misbehaves after he has already been warned, whilst other mothers take a softly, softly approach (which doesn't work I might add). One of them actually hinted that the "tap" on the hand was tantamount to child abuse.
I also refuse to "baby talk" to the brat. He has never known "moo-cows" or "woof woofs" - he has known "Cows" and "Dogs". Again its something I have been criticised for - for talking to my own son like a human being rather than a retard!
The main struggle was over breast vs bottle feeding. The sheer thought of breast feeding gave me cold shivers - I didn;t even want to attempt it. However the midwives had other ideas and guilt tripped me into trying it (it's more natural and maternal and better for baby), resulting in a very grumpy baby and an upset mother. I then had to cope with other mothers looking at me like some sort of freak when I whipped out a bottle, rather thana breast when the brat was hungry.
I wonder why other people assume that mothers and babies come out of a set mould, and that they always know whats best...

I should also add that my nickname of "The Brat" for my son is meant in good humour. Its part of our little family joke that I live with "The Brat" and "The Tw@t" and they have rhyming nicknames that suit them. We have a very strange sense of humour in my house.
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  1. Old Comment
    Margaret Pilkington's Avatar

    Re: On the topic of motherhood...

    Pixie.......I thought they had broken that particular mould......I think it is the one I came out of.

    I never used baby language when my daughter was little.......the midwives in those days were quite happy if you wanted to use formula.......or diluted Carnation Milk, however I couldn't get away with not breast feeding because every kind of formula/milk gave my daughter a very sore I had to persevere. (Even now she hates milk).
    Smacking too......I warned first and if the naughty behaviour continued I carried out my warning.

    I used to put her to bed at a set time and if she cried I would go in to check that she wasn't dirty or wet and then leave her to cry.......hubby said I was heartless.
    We had more rows over how the child should br brought up than any other single thing. Yet my daughter feels that the boundaries that were set for her were realistic and in her interests and is using the same methods with her son.

    I just didn't feel a 'natural'mother.......I would have swopped her for two kittens.
    Posted 30-05-2005 at 20:37 by Margaret Pilkington Margaret Pilkington is offline
  2. Old Comment
    -pixie's Avatar

    Re: On the topic of motherhood...

    Margaret that is EXACTLY how I feel. Except for the kittens - I'm more of a dog person! Why do people think that if you are not fawning over your child that you don't love them? Setting boundaries early on IMO, will make my job as a mother much easier later on. And why do people think that if you discipline your child, you don;t love them?
    Posted 30-05-2005 at 20:41 by -pixie -pixie is offline
  3. Old Comment

    Re: On the topic of motherhood...

    i loved being a mum , i had 3, & i loved every minurt of them when they were young, tried the breast twice, didn't work out, nearly lost the youngest, & was told to put him on carnation milk mmmmmmmmm another failure, but. never regreted giving them the bottle or the warnings before the (slap)...........(tap)... on the nappied bum for sticking fingers where(plug sockets) they should not go, result: 3 healthy healthy people.
    Posted 31-05-2005 at 00:21 by mez
  4. Old Comment
    lettie's Avatar

    Re: On the topic of motherhood...

    You sound like you have the right attitude to motherhood to me. You should have given up breastfeeding earlier. The midwives have to promote breastfeeding but they should also have told you that it is your choice. I can honestly admit that I have never made anyone feel guilty for not breastfeeding, although I know colleagues who have and I don't agree with it.
    Posted 31-05-2005 at 06:40 by lettie lettie is offline

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