I think it had been coming on for a long time. I kept telling my GP that I was tired all the time and various blood tests were done but nothing showed up. Then last Summer I had what they said was a bout of bronchitis and I was poorly for a few weeks but I rallied.

Anyway, this time I did it in grand style. I started feeling ill the week before Christmas, sort of flu symptoms with rather disturbing delusions. Have you ever dreamed about Lembit Opik - of all people - and you have to help him because he's hurt his hand? Oh, yes, and he's calling himself Jack London for the time being. That's how delusional I was.

By Boxing Day, when all the family comes round, I was mostly in bed. I looked, apparently, like...

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We've got this cat. She's quite a big cat, tabby and white, and has thick, luxuriant fur. We think she's about 10 years old but we don't know because she appeared in our garden 4 years ago looking healthy and well fed, wearing a collar without a name-tag, and we couldn't find out who owned her despite posters all over the village and notices in the post office and the vet's. She's been spayed too so someone had loved her but - she's still here and we call her Maddy. We love her too.

Our next-door neighbour moved out 12 months ago and his son is moving into his bungalow. The son is having a large extension built and it's been going on a long time. The site is muddy and oily (dad used to have oil-fired central heating) and...

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It's amazing what you see in Valletta. A couple of years ago I was there with my grandson and as we walked down busy Republic St. we passed a man with a ferret on a lead, trotting along just like a dog being taken for a walk. I've seen people walking on 6' stilts, for no apparent reason, and a perfectly ordinary-looking man who was walking on his hands.

On my first Saturday in Malta, this time, I took the bus to Valletta. It was a hot day, about 30'C, and I planned a walk to the square for lunch then to amble down to the harbour and take the ferry across to Sliema.

As I walked through the archway into the city I heard a familiar, though not Maltese, sound. I edged my way through the crowd and there, in front...

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When I first used to go to Malta the Germans didn't go there. Due to the, then, fairly recent hostilities the Maltese didn't want them. The Germans probably felt a bit embarrassed, anyway, about their dads having bombed the hell out of the place and, all in all, not having been very neighbourly.

Over the last 20 years a new generation has emerged, in both Malta and Germany, that doesn't know much about WW2 and wasn't born when Malta was awarded the George Cross for its people's bravery under such intense bombardment. In the last 10 years there has been a new invasion by Germany and, this time, it's been successful; the tourist invasion.

I would estimate the ratio of Germans to English, at the Riu Seabank, was...

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The flight to Malta was smooth. We left Manchester on time and arrived at Luqa on a warm, velvety evening. The baggage was on the carousel when we arrived in the hall and in no time we were dispersing to our various destinations. There were 3 of us for the Riu Seabank, me and a couple. Having stayed there before and knowing my way around I strode, confidently, up to the reception desk.

I knew by his face that all was not well. The young man at the desk frowned and tapped away at his computer keyboard then he gulped and said, ''I'm sorry, Madam, there is a problem. The hotel is overbooked and you are booked into the Riviera for one night. You should have been told at the airport.'' I felt my blood pressure rising. ''I'm...

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