collegue relationship advice...

mani · 15-07-2005, 12:37

ok

a guy at work is basically cheating on his wife with some girl he's met from the internet. neither is aware of the other. the gf and him regulary meet up for liasons like this weekend he's takin her either to the lakes or to a holiday inn in salford *L*

and the situation has come to the point where i came across the email of the gf and the phone number of the wife...

personally i cant stand cheaters esp this one. he's soo full of crap when he talks.

so do u think i shud make the gf aware of his true marital status from an anon email add or shud i just let sleeping dogs lie?

Gayle · 15-07-2005, 12:41

Tricky one! I think this kind of cheater is the lowest of the low. The trouble is it's possibly not really your place to interfere. I'd just suggest your first tactic should be to make it known to this person that you don't approve.

mani · 15-07-2005, 12:44

oh he knows i dont approve

i know where the guy lives too and all his family are blissfully unaware of his activities. he makes up lil lies to cover up the real places he's at...

Margaret Pilkington · 15-07-2005, 12:55

It is a toughie.......and if he knows you don't approve, then could you perhaps tell him that you plan to let the gf know of his marital status if he doesn't 'fess up himself.......maybe give him a date to do it by and then tell him that you'll tell her if he hasn't.

Gayle · 15-07-2005, 12:57

That's a good idea Margaret. It's always better if they can shop themselves.

Margaret Pilkington · 15-07-2005, 12:58

Well, it does give the cheater the chance to do the decent thing.......although other than that I would keep out of it.

Gayle · 15-07-2005, 13:01

Thing is that if you were the person he was cheating on you'd want to know about it wouldn't you - I know I would.

One suggestion - do you know any mutual friends of either the wife or girlfriend who you could tell. It's basically passing the buck but if they know them it's better coming from them.

Margaret Pilkington · 15-07-2005, 13:04

I would certainly want to know.......but it is how to do it in the right way....somebody is going to get hurt however it is done.

He needs 'LOVE RAT' tattooing on a sensitive part of his anatomy.

Doug · 15-07-2005, 13:06

One problem you have is that you maybe responsible for the disintegration of his family if you act, even if you do so with the best of intentions. His wife may well know of the situation and be dealing with it in her own way. Quite often if you do not have the full facts these situations can get out of hand and are all too often complicated as it is. Don’t get involved just because you don’t like this person. Whatever you do their maybe consequences that you have to live with. I’ve been on both sides of the fence at the end of the day it’s the innocent that always lose out.

Margaret Pilkington · 15-07-2005, 13:11

I don't agree with dobbing this guy in to his wife...for the reasons that Doug has outlined, but the girl friend has a choice of whether she wants to carry on in this relationship......he is LYING to both of these women. I would certainly not want to be deceived by a guy like this and would be happy to have the info........and if ANYONE is breaking up a relationship.....it is this two timing rat.

Margaret Pilkington · 15-07-2005, 13:12

His 'Little Brain' is leading his BIG brain.

glasgow guy · 15-07-2005, 13:32

I would say keep out of it as it doesnt have anything to do with you - what people get up to is their own thing regardless of whatever it maybe - are you wanting to tell his bit on the side because you dont like him/cheaters ? - if so thats quite bitter, you may end up doing more damage in the long run by telling his g/f who may find his wife and tell her - then you may be talking marriage breakup/ courts / money etc and if there are kids involved then it could get nasty - all because you dont like this guy cos he's doing the dirty and that he talks crap ?? - if you could live with that then fair enough - I couldnt do it personally.
I would be inclined to keep my nose out of it as have my own problems to sort out and these things have a habit of coming to light on their own and for all you know his marriage maybe a sham and over and this is why he's seeing this girl - just becuase he go's home at night doesnt mean to say that everything is fine at home maternal wise.
I know he's cheating (alledgedly), I know its wrong (if his own marriage is fine) but if you dont know all the facts you cannot going telling his g/f this or his wife that.
I am presuming that there both adults and know the consequences of what they are doing so why not just sit back and wait for the fireworks to go off - then you can say ' I told you so'.

chav1 · 15-07-2005, 13:35

its non of your buisness and remember the messanger is usually the one that gets shot

my advice is keep out of it

glasgow guy · 15-07-2005, 13:38

very true chav - mani , if you were tell and blow the secret affair into the open you may make a few enemys and end up being the big bad person.

harwood red · 15-07-2005, 22:16

As I have been in the position of the wife I can only give my experience of similar situation. I found out about my husband through a friend but she was the kind of friend who only had my best interests at heart. The fact it came from her made it easier for me to handle but to have found out from someone I didn't know or not very well I don't think would have been as easy to handle. So I would advise to stay out of it. 7 years later the friend who told me is still my best friend but even to this day when we talk about it she still apologizes and I then have to spend ages telling her about how she did me a favour!!!