Punishing the Parents.

[Margaret Pilkington]

My father only had to give us children one of his 'looks' and we knew we had gone too far.
My father was a strict man...his word was the law. Any wrong doing was punished.
We were not afraid of him because he was a loving man. but we were taught boundaries and we were told what would happen if we crossed those boundaries.....my father never threatened us...he promised......and if we did wrong then we knew those promises would be carried out.
OK, as teenagers we all tested the boundaries, but found them to be firm and only certain ones were negotiable.We were taught honesty and respect for other people and their property...we were taught work ethics and morals.....these are the stars that guide us through the dark times.
I have lived my life following these teachings.

[Margaret Pilkington]

I think my upbringing was one of the most valuable things my parents gave me....it can't be stolen and it is priceless.

[jaysay]

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

My father only had to give us children one of his 'looks' and we knew we had gone too far.
My father was a strict man...his word was the law. Any wrong doing was punished.
We were not afraid of him because he was a loving man. but we were taught boundaries and we were told what would happen if we crossed those boundaries.....my father never threatened us...he promised......and if we did wrong then we knew those promises would be carried out.
OK, as teenagers we all tested the boundaries, but found them to be firm and only certain ones were negotiable.We were taught honesty and respect for other people and their property...we were taught work ethics and morals.....these are the stars that guide us through the dark times.
I have lived my life following these teachings.

I think a lot of people in our age group Margaret were brought up the same, I knew my boundaries and how far to go, I can only ever remember my father hitting me once, the look was enough

[WillowTheWhisp]

That's just it. Knowing the possibility was there meant the actual punishment itself rarely had to be resorted to. Now kids know they cannot be punished so they push the limits and beyond.

[Margaret Pilkington]

Yes, you are right Willow..they know their 'rights', but understand little of the responsibilities that go with those rights.......and very young children cannot be reasoned with, and have little perception of dangers(as in high windows, hot ovens, busy roads)...but yet we as parents still have a resposibility to keep them safe.
I think that the government were wrong to tell parents how to dscipline their children...now they are reaping the rewards, and I think it will be a very hard trend to reverse.

[cashman]

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

Yes, you are right Willow..they know their 'rights', but understand little of the responsibilities that go with those rights.......and very young children cannot be reasoned with, and have little perception of dangers(as in high windows, hot ovens, busy roads)...but yet we as parents still have a resposibility to keep them safe.
I think that the government were wrong to tell parents how to dscipline their children...now they are reaping the rewards, and I think it will be a very hard trend to reverse.

what makes it so hard to reverse is demonstrated to a degree by some of the fools that post on here.

[polly]

Originally Posted by jaysay

By what you have said polly it appear that you could be a teacher (again back at school) well what happens if one of the little darlings smacks you in the face, send them to sit on the naughty step whist you pop of to hospital to have your face stitched, there is no respect because you can no longer teach it, love is a pair of Nike trainers, and nobody trust anybody anymore. When teachers are leving in their droves because of classroom violence and stress, parents have their hands tied behnd their backs (as Derek has said) and the police are shackled by red tape or are sat at a desk meeting government targets, and the human rights act has everybody hog tied, the future certainly isn't bright and it isn't orange either

Your right I am a qualified teacher but no longer work in schools, although I have spent my whole adult working life involved with children in some form or another. I have worked in some very rough schools and can truly say i have never felt physically threatened although I have known other teachers who have been physically assaulted.
I have always had the respect of pupils because after first introducing myself to a class I will read them a list of my rules which include behaviour I will not tolerate. I always have rewarded good behaviour in a way suitable for the age group and situation, one of the most effective rewards with even the 'toughest' classes is allowing pupils out a few seconds earlie especially at lunchtime- simple, no cost and it works.
I promise you when I walk into a classroom they always go quiet.I rarely shout in class, saving that for when it is absolutely necessary but have seen other teachers who constantly shout and get irritated being totally ignored by pupils.
As for my own kids, now 27 and 25, we were not 'lucky'. We had very few problems and nothing serious, we spent a hell of a lot of time and energy, not to mention money on them. They simply did not get time to get into trouble as they were constantly occupied. I do not understand why parents bother to have children and then kick them out on the streets for hours on end

[jaysay]

Originally Posted by polly

Your right I am a qualified teacher but no longer work in schools, although I have spent my whole adult working life involved with children in some form or another. I have worked in some very rough schools and can truly say i have never felt physically threatened although I have known other teachers who have been physically assaulted.
I have always had the respect of pupils because after first introducing myself to a class I will read them a list of my rules which include behaviour I will not tolerate. I always have rewarded good behaviour in a way suitable for the age group and situation, one of the most effective rewards with even the 'toughest' classes is allowing pupils out a few seconds earlie especially at lunchtime- simple, no cost and it works.
I promise you when I walk into a classroom they always go quiet.I rarely shout in class, saving that for when it is absolutely necessary but have seen other teachers who constantly shout and get irritated being totally ignored by pupils.
As for my own kids, now 27 and 25, we were not 'lucky'. We had very few problems and nothing serious, we spent a hell of a lot of time and energy, not to mention money on them. They simply did not get time to get into trouble as they were constantly occupied. I do not understand why parents bother to have children and then kick them out on the streets for hours on end

Cannot disagree polly, but unfortunately, not all teachers can aspire to doing things your way. As for bringing up children what you say is 100% spot on

[Margaret Pilkington]

I think some parents see the streets as being the 'university of life'...which it most definitely isn't.

[AccyLass]

An off duty police officer came in the shop last night, we were talking and he mentioned he worked on the bit to get people "booked in" (can't remember what he called it)

He said they get quite a few kids/teens in over the weekends, they are not allowed to release them until an appropriate adult is there to take them

They ring the "appropriate" adult and many times get told to go and whistle.... they aint coming to pick them up

He said he just then looks at the minor and thinks no wonder you ended up here

[Margaret Pilkington]

It really isn't any wonder these young people end up in trouble is it.......parenting is hard and it doesn't just 'happen'...it has to be worked at.

[AccyLass]

That is some people's excuse tho isn't it

"They didn't come with a book!"

[Margaret Pilkington]

none of them do, but yet generations of parents have turned out children who have been a credit to them.....How?...by knowing where their children are!
By doing things with them! By not just giving 'things'...but giving of themselves!
By teaching their youngsters that no-one owes them anything! By making sure that they earned the 'rights' that the young people seem to know so much about! By teaching them that ALL actions have consequences...and some consequences are NASTY, and to be avoided. By letting them know that parents do not want to be killjoys, but want to share their experience of life so that the mistakes can be minimised.

[panther]

Its not that hard to bring kids up, my two know right from wrong, maybe its because they dont see me or their dad acting like yobs., we give em kisses and cuddles and want to know what they are up to etc......

WE CARE!

[cashman]

Originally Posted by panther

Its not that hard to bring kids up, my two know right from wrong, maybe its because they dont see me or their dad acting like yobs., we give em kisses and cuddles and want to know what they are up to etc......

WE CARE!

its all about spending quality time wi em, no doubt n in the main you will get good results, always remember though some kids fer whatever reason DO have behaviour issues which this may not be the answer.