An easy way to commit suicide...lol - Page 3

Less · 01-02-2005, 23:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bazf

Just to help out here either of these any use?

That second picture is a bit hard Bazf, but I'll have a go , the car is behind the small bush in the middle of the picture. But from here I couldn't tell you what colour it is!

Bazf · 02-02-2005, 02:16

Your very close Less but not spot on....its very hard, I only know because I have the answer sheet in front of me.

Margaret Pilkington · 02-02-2005, 12:52

If men are so smart how is it that they cannot follow simple instructions, get the woman in their life to fill out all the forms......except the racing form.
I once heard a man on a stall at Blackburn Market say he would never understand women as they were 'queer folk'.......I came back quickly with the quip 'well, God made them to match men'!

lettie · 02-02-2005, 15:35

Sorry Busman but you asked for it...

. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on
the ground?
Shoot him again.

How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the
noose.

. Why do little boys whine?
Because they're practicing to be men.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve
around him.
OR
Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the
screwing part.

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask directions.

Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

What is the difference between men and women...
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman
to satisfy his one need.

How does a man keep his youth?
By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

Bazf · 02-02-2005, 16:39

Busman, Iwant to help you so I was wondering if you had come acroos these for your collection

-pixie · 02-02-2005, 20:51

Always up for a bit of friendly male bashing...

What is the difference between garbage and men?
Garbage gets thrown out and stays out!

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the
circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best
friend.
So which is the dumber sex?

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

Men are proof of reincarnation.
You can't get that dumb in just one lifetime.

A man finds his wife in bed with another man.
What are you doing? he yells.
See,she says to her lover, I told you he was dumb.

When would you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.

Busman747 · 04-02-2005, 16:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bazf

Busman, Iwant to help you so I was wondering if you had come acroos these for your collection

Got a couple more of my own yet Bazf

Margaret Pilkington · 04-02-2005, 19:29

Another one for you...... How can you tell when a man is lying???????
Answer- his lips are moving!

Busman747 · 04-02-2005, 21:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by -pixie

Always up for a bit of friendly male bashing...

Feel free pixie, let us men know when you have any funny jokes

-pixie · 05-02-2005, 11:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by Busman747

Feel free pixie, let us men know when you have any funny jokes

When I said male bashing I meant with this...

Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

Two new additions to periodic table of elements:

Element name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic weight: (don't even go there)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.
Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180+/-50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possible good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

Women don't make fools of men.
Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

Margaret Pilkington · 05-02-2005, 14:05

Willow.....take note, the picture that Pixie has posted is a bed bat with spikes in...... they do more injuries but they do have a habit of not just ruining the man but also the mattress......now you can get a man anywhere, but a good mattress costs money!

WillowTheWhisp · 05-02-2005, 15:26

I'll save it for when we go camping at that rate.

Q. Why are men like a lava lamps?
A. Some of them look quite attractive, some of them even look interesting but none of them are very bright.

Busman747 · 08-02-2005, 09:13

Female Hormones in Beer

Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the Travis Company fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, couldn't think, ----

and refused to apologise when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

WillowTheWhisp · 08-02-2005, 12:21

.....................

yerself · 08-02-2005, 16:09

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No.
2. No = Yes.
3. Maybe = No.
4. I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
5. We need = I want.
6. It's your decision = The correct decision should obvious by now.
7. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
8. We need to talk = I need to complain.
9. Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to.
10. I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
11. You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
12. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
14. Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
15. How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like.
16. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
17. Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
18. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
19. Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead.