cyber sex???

staggeringman · 15-09-2005, 00:23

anyone want to try it?never been there will have a go so come on all you martians?????
cheers less.....thinking of you.
OHooooo i hope you dont, he ............hee

harwood red · 15-09-2005, 00:28

you don't wanna do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and no I'm def not offering

garinda · 15-09-2005, 00:38

We had it, but you were rubbish, you kept talking gibberish instead of dirty.

staggeringman · 15-09-2005, 01:50

still cant spell!

baby boo · 15-09-2005, 21:41

dad you really seriously worry me!!!!

shiny gem · 15-09-2005, 21:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by baby boo

dad you really seriously worry me!!!!

he worries us all!!!! lol

Neil · 15-09-2005, 21:44

He has had no offers, must be because we all know him LOL

staggeringman · 16-09-2005, 00:46

think i have had it? got a pulse in my finger so some one must have been trying to contact me!...................ooops sorry the plugs not earthed.....he.heee

shillelagh · 16-09-2005, 00:56

Stag over 77 people have looked at this and turned you down!!! think theres a message there dont you?

staggeringman · 17-09-2005, 01:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by shillelagh

Stag over 77 people have looked at this and turned you down!!! think theres a message there dont you?

yeah pull the bloody plug out!!he.........hee

why where seventy seven perverts looking at it in the first place?....

WINGY · 17-09-2005, 04:21

Good point there stag? they must be interested in it to read the thread!!! Pervs!!!!
But then again i read it

Tinkerbelle · 17-09-2005, 12:14

oohhh staggers you don't wanna do that, there cyber sex thing look what happens when it goes wrong ..........

I came back from holidays and looked at my favourite forum and I still see the same ol' stuff. So it's time to lighten up! I decided on a visit to the Chat Room where you can engage in some of that Cyber Sex stuff, I just found out about this last night!

I went to this Chat room. It was named something suggestive, but I can't remember which one it was. Something like,"Horney and Bald", or something like that.

OK so I get in there and man these people are talking some real s**t back and forth. I can't believe it. Somebody asks, "what's everyone wearing?" And everyone starts responding about what they are wearing. Girls were saying they were wearing silk nighties, leather and lace, or nothing at all, spikes, all kinds of kinky stuff. Well hell, I was just wearing a T-shirt and blue jeans and I felt sort of out of place.So I hurried up and put on a jock strap, my wife's bra, roller blades, ear muffs, and a ring of bratwurst around my neck.

Suddenly I realize that certain people are asking other certain people if they want to go to a private room and have Cyber Sex. I wasn't quite sure how this whole thing worked, so I asked, and members of the group explained that you could send another person in the room a private message, and then two members could talk back and forth without anyone else knowing, and that's how you have Cyber Sex. Way Cool!

OK, so I'm waiting, and one by one I keep seeing people ask other people if they want to have Cyber Sex, and they say yeah IM me. I found out that means Immediate Message or something like that. OK, so I wait some more, 'cause I know some really hot cyber chic babe is going to b asking me to have some private cyber sex any minute now. Well, I'm waiting and waiting, and nothing. I'm thinking, how do they know I'm getting bald, that I've been married 26 years, have three kids,and sometimes when I have a choice of making love to my wife or taking a nap, I choose the nap. Hey, I figure I can get some sleep and dream about having sex and kill two birds with one stone. Geez, I'm 47 and I'm at that point where my wife makes me have sex at least once a month whether I need to or not. I'm thinking this Cyber Sex thing will be great because I won't have to get out of breath or, get up in the middle to take a pee, or anything. But no one sends me an invitation to join them.

Then I got a brainstorm.I wondered if I could send myself a private message. Sure enough I could! So I sent a message to myself asking me if I wanted to have Cyber Sex. Well, I reluctantly agreed. Once I was in the private room I started telling myself what I was wearing, you know earmuffs and all.

At first I was really embarrassed and on some level offended by the things I was saying to me. But the next thing I knew I was really starting to get turned on, I was saying things to myself like, "oh yeah, oh yeah baby, that's it, that's the way I like it, you're the king, you're the king, oh jesus you're the chief of police, your the sheriff, go trooper, ride me like a K9 dog humping the Sergeant's leg, oh god, oh god, cuff me, beat me, call me dirty names, turn on your red light, scream like a siren....."Man it was really getting hot, then just when it was really getting good I said something about "my momma", well s**t, that did it, I just lost it. I really got p*ssed off and I started screaming at myself TYPING IN ALL CAPS and s**t, and I told myself that I was a no good insensitive asshole, I came back with a reply that I was nothing but a Cyber Google Page Ranking*ck Teaser, and then I said I couldn't believe that I would have done something like this with someone as digusting a pig as me... well to make a long story short I told myself "F off you Cyber Slut", and I disconnected myself from me.

God I am so sick and ashamed of what I did I never want to talk to myself again. Do you think I cheated on my wife? Should I tell her?

P.S. Anybody want some slightly worn bratwurst?

slinky · 17-09-2005, 12:55

Lmao that always makes me chuckle when I read that.......................

Tinkerbelle · 17-09-2005, 13:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by slinky

Lmao that always makes me chuckle when I read that.......................

God I hope I cleaned this one up enough lol!

One of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of a chat session doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does...

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels.I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Wal-Mart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you, do you want me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on thestereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swell.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks and accidentally rips ahole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck.Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching backundoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breast.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. You know, your breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breast are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry; Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop YUK!

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties .....umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed aching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet.And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our nakedbodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the roomand toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! I want you now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table.I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

garinda · 17-09-2005, 17:06

Lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

So you found the perfect place to post it!!!

I'd say you had cyber bollocks if I didn't know different.