Joke Of The Day - Page 16

lettie · 19-04-2004, 18:03

A man works in a busy office full of attractive
girls.
The man takes a particular shine to one of the long legged
lovelies and walks up to her in the office each day,
stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of
air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer,
and goes to HR.

Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the
co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual
harassment suit against him.

The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and
asks,

"What's sexually threatening about a co-worker
telling you your hair smells nice?

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the dwarf"

Len · 19-04-2004, 18:28

A LESSON FROM FAIRIES

A Fairy told a married couple: "For being such an exemplary married

couple for 35 years, I will give you each a wish".

"I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband" said the

wife.

The fairy moved her magic stick and abracadabra! Two tickets plus

expenses appeared in her hands.

Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well

this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once

in a lifetime. So....I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30

years younger than me".

The wife was deeply disappointed but, a wish was a wish. The Fairy made

a circle with her magic stick and.......abracadabra!...

Suddenly the husband was 90 years old.......

Men might be mean, but Fairies are.................... Female ! ! !

Sparkologist · 19-04-2004, 18:31

Oh dear...back to the lowest common denominator...sex.

One night, a couple were lying in bed. The husband was feeling frisky so he rolled over and tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. The wife turned over and said, 'I'm sorry honey, but I have a gynaecologists appointment in the morning, and I want to stay fresh.'
Rejected, the husband turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled over and whispered in her ear, 'Do you have a dentists appointment too?'

Len · 19-04-2004, 18:34

Ha ha ha ha ha. brill

lettie · 19-04-2004, 18:41

Nice one!!!!

lettie · 20-04-2004, 17:21

I went to the shop yesterday, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes.
When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I
went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a girl a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started
writing another ticket for my having worn tires! So I called him a piece of
horse s**t. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen
with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more
tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. I'm
trying to have a little fun each day. It's important.

Len · 20-04-2004, 17:36

Ya... nice one.

ellie · 20-04-2004, 19:54

"doctor doctor its the wife. Shes having trouble with her eyesight"
Said the agitated husband.
"Really?" replied the doctor, "in what way?"
"She keeps having visions of a pearl necklace"

ellie · 20-04-2004, 19:59

why dont women have hair on their chest?
you don't get grass growing on a playground

ellie · 20-04-2004, 20:06

Scrawled on a toilet wall:
Always aim high.....then you won't splash your shoes

Len · 20-04-2004, 20:31

Whats a pearl necklace? is it rude.

ellie · 20-04-2004, 20:33

yes...........

Sparkologist · 20-04-2004, 23:01

It's a damn sight cheaper than a diamond necklace!!!

Sparkologist · 20-04-2004, 23:20

Have we had a Redneck joke on here before? We have now...

The National Transport Safety Board recently announced that they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. car manufacturers for the last five years, whereby the automakers were installing black-box voice recorders in pick-up trucks.
This was done in an effort to detirmine, when accidents occured, the last fifteen seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find that in 49 of the 50 States, the last words of drivers in 62.9% of crashes were, 'Oh s**t!'
Only the state of Alabama was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'

janet · 21-04-2004, 11:15

Imigrants Lament
me come to england poor and broke
go down dole see labour bloke
fill in form stand around
kind man give me plenty pound

me thank him much and then he say
you come next week and get more pay
me write a letter to pakistan
tell friends come quick as can

all is nicely settled down
nice big house in bradford town
twenty families living up
twice as many living down
more in garden live in tent

six months later big bank roll
go more labour draw more dole
wife wants glasses teeth and pills
all is free we get no bills

me think england dam fine place
much to nice for white man race
god bless white man big and small
he pay tax to keep us all
and if you dont like coloured man
plenty room in pakistan.