Why Do They Do That?

[Less]

I went to a pub that I don't normally frequent, it was called **** (that will have the mods wondering, was I swearing or actually not naming the pub).

I ordered a pint, more fool me, within 5 minutes someone was ruining the atmosphere with Karaoke, I, being none P.C. went for a fag.

Out in the smoking area was a group of what I at first thought was a group of bikers.

The reason for this was that they were all dressed in leathers, nope they weren't kinky they were just biker wanna be's.

I recognised some from 30 or more years ago, back then we used to meet at the Wheatsheaf in Clitheroe, most of us would arrive on our bikes, these would, I imagine come by bus.

What are they doing now? The same thing, still not riding a bike, still wearing the gear, still going nowhere.

The shame is, as I decided to leave, a lass came over and said Les' it's ****.
Back in those days she wouldn't get on the back of a bike, now she's in her late 50's wears the gear, still hasn't been on the back of a bike, come on girl, not just the back of a bike stop pretending you are capable of riding a bike!!!

But are you capable of having a life?

Forgot to say, fancied her sommet rotten back then.

[Margaret Pilkington]

Less, they do it for two or maybe three reasons.
1)because they can.....these days people seem not to look in a mirror before the go out of the door. They do not realise how utterly butterly daft they look.
2)they are trying to feel like they did when they were eighteen....and it takes more than leather biking gear to soothe away the arthritis in the creaky old joints.
3) they are deluding themselves and trying to make others think they ARE bikers.

Anyway with reference to the woman in the leathers....had time been kind to her?
Or couldn't you tell where the leathers ended and her face began?
(I wasn't going to do this Less, but I just couldn't help myself)

[Less]

Originally Posted by Margaret Pilkington

Anyway with reference to the woman in the leathers....had time been kind to her?
Or couldn't you tell where the leathers ended and her face began?
(I wasn't going to do this Less, but I just couldn't help myself)

Oh gosh, actually, well, how to be kind even though you played the superb and amusing beach?
She like us all was worse for wear, life hasn't been as kind as the fond memory I used to have, but, what the hey, could be worth stripping her down to the basics, then maybe looking for an antique shop that deals in that style of naustalgic grot shop clothing?

[Mick]

But would she clean your microwave for you or Hoover up for you?

[Less]

Had a bit of a cold over the past couple of days, not been out until today, coughed my way down to the nearest pub, I really needed a beer and company. (O.K. I needed a beer company would be a plus).

Today is Thursday, Thursday down there is karaoke afternoon, I, in my desperation had forgotten, otherwise I would have got a bus into town.

So, first pint, so far so good, met a few folk, caught up with a few details, (who is dead, who is nearly dead and those of us that don't look as good as we should).

As pleasant as this conversation was it was killed immediately by a reasonable looking younger lady that announced she was the star of the show and would expect us all to perform in a similar manner to herself.

Volume went to max and she attacked a classic, 'Paper Roses', now, we have all heard this chugged out by a variety of performers,

She gave it her worst, it was like a recording of Marie Osmond that should be played at 45 being played at 33 and 1/3, such a masculine voice should not have come out of a feminine body. (It might be worthwhile if the older generation explain to those younger that I'm talking vinyl records here played at different speeds, I wouldn't want them to miss out).

However she was the best of the bunch, Three hours and several pints worth of this I was getting close to going home.

In fact I had determined that my next trip to the bar would be my last, a young man stood next to me pointed out that my hearing aids weren't in the correct place, i.e. removed from my ears and just hanging loose.

Yes, I replied, under normal circumstances they would be in the wrong place, however on a day like today they are in the correct place, it means I don't have to listen to this crap.

It was at this point he started to look insulted and he said how dare you? That's my missus singing!

Well I replied how would I know I can't hear it at the moment I'm just reading your lips and unless she's the one that organised this rubbish I haven't heard her.

Yes he replied she has organised it, and do you know? I wish I could remove hearing aids, I have to listen every time.

[MrPastry]

Nice read Less.
All the above struck a note as I straddled a Vespa 2-stroke scooter for near 40 years and definitely plugged into the scooter scene for a long time, way of life and all that jazz. I hung up my key only last year due to my 10" wheels disappearing in endless pot holes, age and felt 'the scene' was changing although probably just me actually.

I was one of those scooterists who actually rode all over the country in my time rather than hanging out in a Parka having ridden 5 miles only on sunny days looking cool. Back in the day we used to ride bloomin everywhere, anywhere day or night but what fun times. When I announced I was retiring from riding the scoot my chums nearly fell over with shock but there does come a day for everyone sad to say.

Probably seems a bit cranky to non believers but those scooter break downs in the middle of nowhere, punctures and being thrown into a hedge are precious memories for some great times we all had. Off topic...
Appy days!