2017/18 Prediction League; Game 16 v Barnet FC (home)

Div3North · 24-10-2017, 21:21

Accrington Stanley

V

Barnet FC

2017/18 Prediction League; Game 16 v Barnet (home)

Tell you what, this is a close, close Division; Luton (on top) have won 4 of their last five; next best are the Stanley, Swindon (7th), Cheltenham (14th), Colchester (15th) and Port Vale (21st) with three wins in five ................ nobody else has won more than twice in their last five outings ........... form team over the last three is Port Vale (three consecutive wins), with Luton and Cambridge each on W2 D1 .............. Morecambe now have 14 points from 15 games, and are only two above Vegan Greenpeace Utd, who’ve won two in a row away, including doing unto Stevenage what Stevenage did unto us last Tuesday, scoring twice in 12 minutes in the second half to turn 0-1 into 2-1 and brighten up many-a Stanley Fan’s day .......... and who’s the League Two leading goal scorer? Billy Whizz, that’s who ............. Go Billy!

The only sides in the top ten to win on Saturday were us and Swindon (who moved up to 9th); until Notts County’s second half equaliser at Carlisle we were actually second (on goals scored); Luton have 34, Wycombe 28 and we have 26 ............course, if you take Luton’s 8 v Yeovil and 7 v Stevenage away, they’re pretty average in the “sticking it in the net” department; 19 goals in 13 games? Rubbish!

Barnet, who we welcome this Saturday, are struggling; after 6 games they had 10 points and were in the Play-off places; their current record of W3 D5 L7 GF18 GA20 has them now in 20th place with 14 points, above Port Vale and Morecambe on GD (-2 plays -4 and -8) - although on form you’d expect Gareth Vale FC to pass them any time soon – and only 2 points above Vegan GU in 23rd .......... the wins were 3-1 against Cambridge (on 9th September), 4-1 at Swindon the week before, and 1-0 at home to Luton in week 2, and despite winning against teams we’d like them to win against earlier on, they haven’t actually won in their last 9 games (4 draws, 5 losses) ......... they lost on penalties to Luton in the EFL Troffy, beat the Posh 3-1 in the EFL Cup Round 1, and went out in Round 2 by the odd goal in one at Brighton ....... probably they had a couple of dodgy whelks, or something ............. They’ve got Blackburn of the Ewoods in Round One of the FA ProperCup.

They finished last season in 15th place, having won 14, drawn 15 and lost 17, scored 57 and conceded 64, and with 57 points; they were two places, but 8 points and ten goals, behind us .......they did us 2-0 at the Hive in August (bet they were buzzin’ about that!), and we won 1-0 at ours in March Shay McBratfud getting the goal; it wasn’t a good season to be Manager of the Bees, wasn’t last season .............. Mad Dog Allen jumped ship to the Spitfires on 1st December (can you jump ship to an airplane, I wonder?) where he lasted two and a half months before getting a P45, and Rossi Eames and Henry Newman were appointed as joint caretakers; Newman left on St Valentine’s Day, and on the 15th Feb Kevin Nugent was appointed manager with Rossi (who must have given up riding the bikes for a while) as his assistant; Nugent lasted two months and eleven games (of which he won one) before MutuallyConsenting down the road a bit sharpish; Valentino got the job (Rossi, not Rudolph – he’s been dead for ages anyway); frankly if it’d been me, I don’t think I’d have wanted it by then, but there you are .................. and he’s still there, but I bet he’s looking over his shoulder a lot and not sleeping nights!

Seven departed Sunny Barnet in the summer – mostly drones and worker Bees – of whom only one stayed in the EFL – RB James Pearson, who was sent to Coventry; striker Shaun Batt went to Chelmsford City, LW Luke Coulson to Ebbsfleet, Michael Gash – ex Ebbsfleet, Cambridge City, Cambridge United, York and Kidderminster – went to King’s Lynn Town, and CB Bira Dembele joined Stade Lavellois – nicknamed Les Tangos – who grace (presumably) the French Third Division ..................... for those who were once members of MyFootballClub (“Own the Club (Ebbsfleet), Pick the Team”) you may remember his name, since we voted 94.2% to 5.8% to sell him for £55,000 to an unnamed team, which turned out to be York City. Where he bombed ....

They signed but six – one GK (Craig Ross from Macclesfield), two defenders (Richard Brindley (Sheridan), one time Poet, who mused in from Colchester, and Andre Blackman from Crawley), and three strikers – Malakai Mars from Chelsea (known to his mates as “LifeOn”; “Life on Mars?" Gerrit? No? Oh for Heaven’s sake!), Maidenhead’s Dave Tarpey, who hit the net 45 times last season and four times at Mill Farm, home of AFC Fylde, earlier this - as they went up from the Bananarama South, and Shaquille Tyshan Coulthirst (22) from the Posh; incidentally, they paid £undisclosed for the latter two, but whether it was the same £undisclosed was undisclosed .............

Currently they’re 20th, as mentioned; their home form has earned them 9 points (W2 D3 L3), and their away form has produced 5 – one win, two draws and four losses ................leading scorer is Shaq Coulthirst with 7 goals and two assists (though that was only Ice Hockey?); You Fat Bastard has 7 goals and three assists (I assume he flattened one more play than Shaq did).... Their squad includes, as well as boring English players, players from Portugal (2), Jamaica, DR of Congo, Nigeria (2), Spain, Romania, France and Guyana; I bet their dressing room’s fun – but at least they can swear in moré languages – not counting Cockney Rhyming Slang - than the Refs will be able to understand, which might be useful

They’ve been up and down the Conference/League divide like a whore’s drawers over the years, have Barnet; promoted to the League in 1991, left it again in 2001, came back in 2005, departed down the Greasy Pole again in 2013 and came back up again two years later; they’d only turned semi-pro in 1965/66; they’re the only team to win the Bananarama Conference 3 times (1990/91, 2004/05 and 2014/15), their record League victory was 7-0 against Blackpool, and their record League defeat was 1-9 at Peterborough; you may remember that Jimmy Greaves – yes, THE Jimmy Greaves - played for them towards the end of his career, and other notable players include Dougie Freedman, Linvoy Primus, Jason Puncheon and Albert Adomah; well-known players who came to the club towards the end of their careers include Mark Lawrenson, Alan Pardew, and Edgar Davids (I was there when he got sent off at Ours!)

Deadline for entries is, as always, scheduled kick-off time, which is 3.00pm on Saturday 28th October; you’d like to think that this one shouldn’t trouble us too much, but we did cocky when we played Yeovil, if you remember, and we got us arses whooped ............... So; with a bit of luck and a following Tropical Storm (downgraded from a Hurricane), ‘appen the Gods of League Two Footie will smile on us this weekend ................ and then again, ‘appen they won’t!

Good luck to everyone! ................ Keep the Faith! .......... And thanks for playing!