2018/19 Prediction League; Game 22 v Southend United (away)

Div3North · 14-12-2018, 00:56

Southend United

V

Accrington Stanley

2018/19 Prediction League; Game 22 v Southend Utd (away)

There are, as some of you may know, a total of 92 teams in the PrawnButty League and the EFL combined; this week’s starter for ten, then, is; “How many of those 92 sides have managers who have been in post less than 365 days?”

In these Days of Mists and Mellow Fruitfulness Brizzle’s manager certainly has; Brizzle are 21st – four points adrift (the gap’s opening) and having lost 7 of 10 – and Darrell Clarke was made to Walk the Plank of Shame after four and a half years, and Graham Coughlan (once assistant manager of Southend) is now in the hot seat (well, it’s not exactly a hot seat – more an electric chair – plugged in!); The Wombles new Manager (Wally Downes) has been wombling free a whole 9 days, and Bratfud’s David Hopkin – who left his suitcase in the Left Luggage at the Interchange, I heard – has been Boss for 100 .................. which leaves Plymouth’s Derek Adams, who – at 3 years 185 days – is actually 10th in the List of Longevity, but is probably very aware, being 22nd, 4 points from safety as well, and two points and a handful of goals above the bottom of the League, that the Wages of Sin is Death – which should probably read “The Wages of Sin Are Death”, “sin” for these purposes meaning risking the club GreasyPoling into the Oblivion of the Bananarama ............. sound like squeaky-bum time in Devon!

The last season we met Sarfend in the League (Two, as it was then) was 2014/15, when we finished 17th with 56 points, managed by James Beastie for the first six games, from which we got 4 points and he got a P45, and then by “King Coley – The Revenge”, and the Shrimpers finished 5th with 84 points, did over Stevenage 4-2 in the semis, and then did Wycombe in the Final (7-6 on pens after a half-Desmond) to climb The Wobbly Scaffolding of Life into League One .................. our season had started out pretty grottily, with a 1-0 home defeat to ............... Southend! ...... and didn’t improve hugely (except that King Coley Kept Us Up – even if Cashman would have made more subs, earlier in the game, and Thus Have Won More Matches) ......... however, we went to Roots Hall on St Valentine of Rome’s Day (to give him his full title) – and did you know that as well as Love, he’s also the Patron Saint of engaged couples, epilepsy, fainting, greetings, happy marriages, love, lovers, the plague, travellers, young people and bee keepers – and we only bloomin’ well went and won 2-1, innit? Goals from Piero on 53 and El Tel on 71 .......... So there! And how can there be a Patron Saint of the Plague, in Heaven’s name?

They finished last season 10th, with a Palindrome record of 17-12-17, 63 points and a GD of -4 .................. ok, it’s not exactly a palindrome, but you know what I mean. The shipped out 14 in the summer; CB Anton Ferdinand left for the Saints of Mirren; Marc-Antoine Fortune (who, being French, used to play with Nancy – they being a French football team, and not what you’re thinking - tumbles into the Bananarama with TwistySpires United, who managed to beat SalfordMoneybagsCity last Saturday 2-0 (goals by Alex Kiwomya) to climb out of the bottom four; CB Daniel Matsuzaka winged his way to Kataller Toyama, a Japanese club who play in J3; striker Freddia Lapado joined Plymouth; MF Michael Timlin, after eight years by the Bracing Essex Coast, went to Stevenage; MF Jermaine McGlashan signed for Swindon, who are still trying to live down losing to Woking in Round Two of the FA Cup; and CF Dan Walker (yes, really) was released, so can now concentrate on his presenting duties ...................

They brought in six new faces, the most interestingly named being DMF Timothee Dieng (no, actually he’s French), plus CB Harry Lennon from Charlton (he was there when current Sarfend Manager Chris Powell was manager of the Addicks), striker Tom Hopper from the Iron, MF Sam Mantom, also from the Iron (obviously a BOGOF deal), MF Luke Hyam from Ipswich and someone who’s so un-famous that he hasn’t even got a Wikipedia page! Various loans (including Birmingham’s GK David Stockdale for a couple of weeks in September), and Bob, as they say, is Your Uncle! (Does anyone know where that comes from, by the way? Apparently it refers to the controversial appointment in 1887 of the young Arthur Balfour as Chief Secretary for Ireland by his Uncle, Lord (Robert) Salisbury ............................)

They’ve had a season of three halves so far, and with a home record of W4 D1 L5, and an away records of W4 D1 L6, they’re behind the money both ways ............ after 8 games they had 2 wins, 1 draw and 5 losses; of their next seven they won 5, drew one and lost one; and of their last six they’ve lost five and won one, although the defeats have included the BlackMoggies, Barnsley and Pompey, all away ........ And Sunderland are now the only League One side with but a single league defeat, after Charlton Did It Unto Pompey in Chimer’s Back Garden, thereby denying them of a new Club record of nine straight wins – but they’re still the only side with more than 12 wins in the League (they have 14). Obviously with our games being DISGRACEFULLY abandoned – I thought, “Oh God, is he back?” – we’re still Numpty League Campiones Elect, with our 2 points from 15, but at least we now share that role with Coventry, while Brizzle have 3 points (lost their last four), and the Wombles, Plymouth, Scunthorpe and Fleetwood (who are reported to be watching my granddaughter’s boyfriend at AFC Fylde Academy – just thought I’d mention it).

They aren’t scoring loads, either; in the League, 25 in 21; in the FA Cup they did Crawley away 6-2 aet, and then bombed 4-2 at home to Barnsley; in the EFL Cup they bombed 4-2 at home to Brentford (getting to be a bit of a habit, n’est-ce pas?), and in the EFLTroffy they qualified second in their group, then put out Luton 4-2 on pens after a 1-1, and now play Pompey in Round 3 ................ Question; have we ever been in Round 3 before? Top (League) scorers are Simon Cox with 8, Tom Hopper with 7, four players with 3 each (Hairy Bunn, Timothee Dieng, Sam Mantom and Theo Robinson) ........ and I see that Keira Knightly’s scored as well ..................... oh, sorry, no ......... Michael Kightly!

Famous players include Ryan Leonard, Freddie Eastwood (wasn’t he in those scary films a few years back?), Mark Phillips (don’t tell Anne, for goodness’ sake), Brett Angel, Ronnie Whelan, Bilel Mohsni, Brett Assombalonga and Stan Colleymore (whatever became of him?); managers over the years have included Bob Jack (whose son David scored the first goal at Wembley, apparently), Arthur Rowley, and Bobby Moore; they contrived to have five different managers in 2003 (Messrs Newman, Robson, Wignall, Webb and Tilson); the Club was founded on 19th May 1906 at the Blue Boar pub, it seems; their biggest win has been 10-1, which they first did against Golders Green in the FA Cup in 1934/35, and which they’ve done twice more, to Brentwood and to Aldershot; all-time leading goal scorer is Roy Hollis back in the 50s, with 135 in all competitions; and their shirt sponsors this season, if I read it right, appear to be Prostate Cancer UK (?)

Deadline for entries is, as always, scheduled kick-off time, which is 3.00pm on Saturday 15th December .............. and here’s another fine piece of scheduling, where, on the two weekends before Christmas, Stanley fans who live in Accie would have to make a 526 mile round trip if they wanted to watch the Sarfend game dans le peau (“in the skin”), followed 7 days later by a 622 mile round trip to watch the Plymouth game ............. 1148 miles-worth of petrol? Clever or what?

Anyway; they’re below us; we’re due a win; they’ve lost more than they’ve won at home, and the same away; we beat them last time we met (see “2-1” above); and we’re The Stanley .................and it’s nearly Christmas! So – after telling you that 51 managers have been in post less than a year (including Sarfend’s Chris Powell), and that Coley’s now the 7th longest-serving Manager again – it simple remains for me to wish you A Happy Christmas From Me, and a Happy Christmas from Him, and to wish the Club, Mr Holt, the players, the staff and all of you (us) – the fans – what we dream of; yes indeed ................ pigs in blankets and Christmas pud!

Good luck to everyone! ............. Don’t be a Lidl, be a Waitrose! ........... Keep the Faith! ...................... And thanks for playing!