2019/20 Prediction League; Game 30 v AFC Wimbledon (home)

Div3North · 29-01-2020, 16:28

Accrington Stanley

V

AFC Wombles

2019/20 Prediction League; Game 30 v The Commoners (home)

I’ve been told that I can’t change my name to Sexwulf ………. Shame!

Some bits of the ProperWomblingWombles’ Fairy Story merit repeating; they were formed in 2002 after Wimbledon FC beggared off up the Motorway to Milton Jones (sorry, Keynes), and played their first season in the Combined Counties League Premier Division in 2002/03 (Tier 9); promotion in 2004 saw them into the Isthmian League Div One, which they won at the first time of asking, joining the Isthmian League Premier; in their third season there, they won the Playoff Final and moved up to the BananaArmour South, which they won, again, at their first attempt – four promotions in seven years …………… Then it took them two seasons to get into the EFL, winning the Payoff Final once again by beating the Louts 4-3 on pens after a Goalless Desmond (AFC’s team including Ismael Salami Yakubu (“The Yak”), and after four seasons there, finishing 16th, 20th, 20th and 15th, they took the Playoff Final route again, coming 7th over the season, beating us in the Semis 3-2, and Doing Over Plymouth 2-0 in the Final, their second goal being scored after 100 minutes (90+10) by You Fat Bastard (who they then promptly released)

And speaking of Luton, did you see that they’re currently 24th in the Championnat on 24 points and a -26 GD, and that Barnsley are 23rd, also on 24 points and a GD of -19 (with both of them having changed Managers from the ones at the helm when they went up a division)? And to put last season’s League One promotions in proper perspective, Charlton are 21st, four points above the GreasyPole spots ………………. Fewest wins in the second tier are Barnsley’s five, in League One are Southend’s two, and in League Two it’s Stevencage’s three – and That Nice Mr Westlife’s Boys are now four points adrift of Morecambe (with just the one side to go down come May) …………. And how in the name of all that’s Holy can you dock a team 105 points in the one season? As I recall, the greatest punishment in the EFL has been 30 points in two lots …………….. Unreal – even if you do intend to rig the table so they – Saracens - can’t stay up whatever they do.

This week’s Starter for Ten Chimers, then …………….. The ProperWombles hold the record for the longest run of unbeaten games at any level of Senior Football; how long was the run, how many games did they go without losing, and who finally beat them to end it?

I looked up “Wimbledon”, and – rather like its original footie team – found that technically it doesn’t exist …………… you’ll want to know that it wasn’t moved to Milton Anywhere, but might not have known that it was abolished in 1965 by the London Government Act 1963, and the area transferred to Greater London to be combined with the Municipal Borough of Mitcham and the Merton and Morden Urban District to form the present-day London Borough of Merton. I wonder if anyone’s told the All-England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club? “Andy Murray’s just won Merton” doesn’t have the same ring to it al all …….. While it did exist, censuses (censii?) show that over 60 years from 1901 the population only went up by 16,000 (woeful lack of reproduction in Wimbledon), and that the Borough’s motto was "Sine Labe Decus" meaning "Honour without Stain" ……… try telling that to The Crazy Gang and the footballing citizens of Old Wombledom!

And there are rumours going round of Great Uncle Bulgaria Coburg’s impending retirement from professional football, and a suggestion that Tomsk, Tobermory, Orinoco and Bungo are all about to be signed by Man U ……………. Well, to be fair, they can’t be a lot worse than the players they’ve got – and don’t forget that the Motto des Wombles is “Make Good Use of Bad Rubbish” anyway …………… I rest my case.

Having Scrambled Up the Greasy Pole of Oblivion in 2016, their first season in the Dizzy Heights League saw them finish 15th on 57 points; by 2017/18 they’d dropped to 18th (53 points); and by 2018/19 they were 20th on 50 points, staying up by winning 5 and drawing 6 of their last 12 games, including beating The Posh, Donnie and Wycombe ………… we did them 2-1 at ours (Billy Whizz and Sean McInjured), and drew one each a-piece all round at theirs (Jordan Clark) ………… in their promotion season (2015/16) we lost at home by the odd goal in seven (Billy with two, Sean with one, and Terry “El Tel” Gornell getting a yellow), the return game being goalless …………… I’m not to be drawn on the Playoff games; Josh McWindass from 12 yards and Piero got our two goals in the second leg, and that’s all I’m sayin’

Having performed enough miracles for Beatification of the whole squad last year, AFC Wombles shipped out 12 and signed four in the summer (for details see the thread from the first game; in the current transfer window they’ve LoanSigned Danish CB Mad Bech Sorenson - sorry, that's MADS Bech Sorenson - from The Bees – no, the other Bees (Brentford) – and GK Joe Day from Cardiff, who he joined in the summer after four very successful seasons at Newport ……………… Day it was who scored nul Brownie Points at home in February 2019, when he played in a 2–0 FA Cup fourth round victory against Middlesbrough while his wife gave birth to twin daughters; he claimed that he knew that her waters – not a topic you might expect to read about in a football-themed thread opener - had broken before the game, but said he didn’t know she had given birth until after the match ended …….. Yeah, right …………….. You’d have heard the screams from Newport up in Teesside, easy!

We met at the Cherry Red Records Stadium (we carried furled umbrellas and copies of the Times) as the third game of this season, and shared a half-Desmond (actually, if it’s a half-Desmond you’ve pretty much got to share it, come to think of it), our goal coming from the Bishop of Wham (his first) with an assist by Courtney Baker-Richardson, while Zaine Francis-Angol got two yellows and an early bath; The Pointy-Nosed Furry Creatures had ventured into Europe (for the one and only time) in the close season, and had lost at both 1FC Kaiserslautern and Kickers Offenbach (I saw that once at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, I’m nearly certain) …… They went out of the FA Cup in Round One (2-0 to Donnie after a 1-1), they didn’t survive any longer in the EFL Cup either (4-2 on pens at home to the PhoneyWombles after a Desmond), and to complete their Cup Triumphs they failed to get out of the Group stages of the Troffy ………….. Home form so far in the League is W5 D6 L3 GF17 GA16, away, it’s W2 (4-1 at Sarfend and 2-1 at Brizzle) D1 (2-2 at Bolton) L10 GF16 GA24, giving them overall P27 W7 D7 L13 GF33 GA40 for 28 points and 19th place (two points behind us with two games in hand) ……… adding the cup games in, they’ve scored 41 in 33 and conceded 50 …………. Leading scorers are Marcus Forss with 11, Joe Pigott with 6, and Scott Kashket with four (although he won’t be scoring against us on account of an FA Ban for two months for betting on matches – but he could have a punt on the Wombles to lose this one if he wanted) …… and You Fat Bastard’s got seven so far for Wycombe, if they’d kept him ….. and Wycombe also seem to have signed the Lawyer “Mr Loophole” (Nick Freeman), because he’s allegedly scored twice, according to the list, although it doesn’t say who with

Deadline for entries is, as always, scheduled kick-off time, which is 3.00pm this Saturday, 1st February ……………… and RIP to the Wycombe fan (Mark Bird) whose heart attack at the match rightly led to the kick-off being delayed last night ….. sadly he didn’t make it, which puts things into perspective rather ………….. and the very best of everything to Billy Whizz, whose decision to retire was announced today; enormous credit to him for the way he’s handled himself, and his dignity and courage in speaking out to try and help others ……… Legend? For what he’s done for us, and for who he is, I think he must be …………. Good luck Billy! Come back and say hello sometimes …………… And Will Grigg may be on fire, but the suggestion that he go to SalfordMoneybags seems to have dampened his fire and his ardour ……….. tell you what, Will, how d’you fancy a spell of proper footie with the Stanley? We’ve room for a striker, but until we find one, you’ll do …………

And AFC Wimbledon’s run of unbeaten league games lasted for 78 league matches between 22 February 2003 (a 2–0 defeat at home to Withdean 2000) and 4 December 2004 (a 2–0 defeat at Cray Wanderers). But you knew that!

Good luck to everyone! ……….. Keep the Faith! ………. And thanks for playing!