2020/21 Prediction League; Game 20 v Doncaster Rovers (away)

Div3North · 25-12-2020, 00:19

Doncaster Rovers

v

Accrington Stanley

2020/21 Prediction League Game 19; v The Flatlanders

Our friends Fort William FC are part of the Highland League, as you know; the winners of the Highland League play the winners of the Lowland League every season, and whoever wins that game enters a two-legged play-off against the bottom side in Scottish League Two .... If the Highland or Lowland team wins, they're promoted to said League Two, and the losing team is GreasyPoled to the appropriate regional league, depending on whether their 'home' is north or south of the middle of the Tay Road Bridge (no, seriously) ............ since the system began in 2014/15, East Stirlingshire (which is from Stenhousemuir near Falkirk) lost their place to Edinburgh City (2015/16) and Berwick Rangers lost theirs to Cove Rangers in 2018/19 ......And Edinburgh City are currently 5th in L2, and Cove Rangers 5th in L1 ....... and Brechin have 3 points from 8 games so far this season, and it ain't looking good!

To be honest, I had no real idea where Fort William was, except that it was a couple of miles south of the Arctic Circle ..... it's actually in the Aberdeenshire area, South East of the Cairngormlesses, and a few miles up the Gay Gordons ........ errr, sorry, up FROM the Gay Gordons .....

"A far croonin' is pullin' me away,
As take I wi' my cromack to the road;
The far Coolins are puttin' love on me
As step I wi' the sunlight for my load.
Sure by Tummel and Loch Rannoch and Lochaber I will go
By heather tracks wi' heaven in their wiles
If it's thinkin' in your inner heart the braggart's in my step
You've never smelled the tangle o' the Isles."

..... and it's the furthest South of the teams that make up the HL ............ and they hadn't played since March ....... and last Saturday their ground must have been waterlogged (again) ..... so their home game against Brora Rangers (nicknamed 'The Cattachs') was transferred to Brora, which is in the Land That God Forgot He'd Created ............ and they lost 10-0!

And if you think 'The Cattachs' is strange, Buckie Thistle are "The Jags", Fraserburgh are "The Broch", Nairn are "The Wee County" and Wick Academy are "The Scorries" (funny people, the Scots) .......... But - this week's Starter for Ten; what is the nickname of Forres Mechanics FC?

And then I coupled all that with Revived Red's comment when he posted in the Tangerines thread - where he said,

"I've been pondering how to maintain my dismal record for this season. The answer would be to go for a 9-8 Stanley win. But I'll settle for a 1 - 1 draw."

Na' then, I thought ............. and I looked up "Highest Scoring" ..... Now we've all heard of 'Arbroath 36 Bon Accord 0' (1885/86 Scottish Cup; 12th September 1885) ........ Bon A newly created (in those days, anyone could enter the Cup) - so new that they arrived without a team kit to play in (I assume they played in the buff, but that's not confirmed); they were 15-0 down at half time, and let in 21 more in the second half ....... and Arbroath GK Jim Milne didn't touch the ball once all game ...... and for the record (see what I did there?), I don't count things like 'Australia 31 American Samoa 0' in a 2001 World Cup Qualifier (I believe all the goals are on YouTube, if you're interested.... Or bored.)

But do you know the highest-scoring international - apart from one-sided rubbish? Answer is Austria 7 Switzerland 5 (1954) .......... or one-time League side Darwen's visit to the Baggies in 1892 (and not, as one website says, 1982), where they lost 12-0 - a feat equalled by Leicester Fosse at Notts Forest in 1909 ............ or Halifax Town's 13-0 demolition at the feet of Stockpot Country (1934) - famous because the Shaymen's GK, one Stan Milton (of "Paradise Lost" fame), only conceded 2 in the first half, but let in another 11 after the oranges and the Bovril, thus cementing his place in Footie Folklore .......... but if the Voodoo Gods of Football have your number, be sure your phone will ring ... Mwwwwwwwwhahahahaha

And let's not forget Clapton's FA Cup First Round game at their Old Spotted Dog ground in 1891 where they lost 14-0 to Notts Forest ....... or Hyde United's trashing at Deepdale (the world's oldest continually used football stadium, apparently) in 1887, where they gave PNE a 26-goal start and drew 0-0 .......... PNE made the Final that year, but lost, 2-1, to West Bromide Albion (welcome back to the World of Football, Fat Sam; how was it for you?)

And I've been at the Festive Latin again (after the Festive Sherry. And the Festive Brandy. And the less Festive 15 pints), looking for a new Festive Insult for you all to try out over the Festive Games ........... And I came across

"Parvi ingenii parum adversarii mentulas"

.......... which apparently means, "Our opponents have little talent and small willies" ................ Worth a try, maybe? And if we receive a red card at all (Sean?), you could try,

"Pedicabo me, et festinato expulerant eum sed habet agri!"

- which means "My goodness" - doesn't it, Oh My Latin Tutor (or something like that) - "he has expelled him from the field of play" ......... look it up .......... Google Translate! ...... Cobras!

I used to work in Doncaster fairly often over four years or so back in the late 1990s .......... it's frankly not pretty - in fact, if England had piles, it's where you'd apply the cream ......... The town, historically, is generally believed to be the place called "Cair Daun", listed as one of the 28 cities of Britain in the 9th-century work "History of the Britons". It was certainly an Anglo-Saxon 'burh' (fortified settlement), during which period it received its present name: "Don-" from the Roman/Latin for "settlement" and "river", and "-caster" from an Old English adaptation of the Latin word 'castra', meaning "military camp or fort"; it was an important staging post on the route from Lincoln to York in Roman times.

During the Industrial Revolution the railways came to Doncaster, and the GNR established the Doncaster Locomotive and Carriage Building Works. The town had expertise in specialist metal products, and the Doncaster Plant became famous for building LNER 4-6-2 locomotives, including Mallard and the Flying Scotsman, as well as many thousands more .

And as well as Railways, Donnie did Aviation; In 1909 Doncaster Racecourse was chosen as the venue for an Air Show, following the world's first international air display in Reims, France that same year. Around a dozen aviators - they didn't have any pilots in those days, only 'aviators' - were there, the most famous being Léon Delagrange and Roger Sommer (never heard of either of them). American-born Samuel Cody - in an attempt to win a prize offered by the Daily Mail for the first British pilot in a British aeroplane to fly a circular mile - signed British naturalisation papers in front of the crowd, with the band playing God Save the King and the Star Spangled Banner

"Oe'r the Land of the Free, And the Home of the Trump" ....

Unfortunately Sammy Baby crashed his plane on the first morning of the show, and didn't actually make any flights to speak of ....... whether he renounced his British Citizenship isn't recorded, but he was born Samuel Franklin Cowdery (later known as Samuel Franklin Cody), and he was a Wild West showman and early pioneer of manned flight, most famous for his work on the large kites (Cody War-Kites) which were used by the British before World War I as a smaller alternative to balloons for artillery spotting. He was also the first man to fly an aeroplane built in Britain, on 16 October 1908. He was often confused with (Buffalo Bill) William Cody, whose surname he took when young; he died in 1913, aged 46.

Doncaster Rovers FC was formed by Albert Jenkins, a fitter at the GNR works, who gathered up some mates to play the Yorkshire Institute for the Deaf and Dumb in September 1879. The institute side took a 4–0 lead, but the game ended as a 4–4 draw. Walking back from the game the team talked about forming a regular side, and called themselves Doncaster Rovers .... The first match was on 3 October 1879, a draw away against Rawmarsh. The club turned professional in 1885 and Rovers entered the FA Cup in 1888–89, losing 9–1 to Rotherham Town

They were first elected to the Football League in 1901, replacing New Brighton Tower. Their first season in the League was in fact the one where Donnie achieved their highest position ever (7th in the Football League Second Division - then, Tier 2); they only lasted two seasons before being voted out of the League in favour of local rivals Bradford City, but were quickly re-elected. This time, in 1904–05, they finished bottom with W3 D2 L29, adrift by 12 points, gaining only 8 points – (still a record, although not one they shout about) - and they were voted out again.

The Club reformed after the war in 1919, re-joining the Midland League a year later; in their third season they moved to Belle Vue, finished runners up and were accepted into the Football League Div 3 North for 1923–24 to replace Stalybridge Celtic; their first game was a Goalless Desmond. Over the next many years they were up and down the lower leagues like a Bride's Nightie, until in 1946–47 they set a record for the most games won in a league season (33), gaining the Div3N title. The following season saw them relegated from the Second Division, but two years later with Peter Doherty as player-manager, they won the Third Division (North) again. This time they stayed in the Second Division for eight seasons, their most successful period to date.

Famously, Donnie were involved in the longest ever competitive match in England, against Stockport County at Edgeley Park on 30 March 1946, in a Division Three (North) cup tie. The match was reported as being "deadlocked" at 2–2 at 90 minutes (therefore a "Deadlocked Desmond"), and after two 10-minute periods of extra time there was no further score. The rule at that time was that the game carried on until one team scored. However, after 203 minutes, and with darkness closing in, the game was finally stopped. Rovers won the replay, at Doncaster, 4–0 .......

And never mention Ken Richardson to a Donnie Fan; in the early 1990s, Richardson, who was later described by detectives as "the type that would trample a two-year-old child to pick up a 2p coin" took over as the majority shareholder of the club. He ploughed a lot of money into the Rovers, with one thing on his mind - a new stadium. When that was refused by the council, he soon lost interest. Richardson, it's said, hired three men to torch Belle Vue, and planned then to sell the ground to developers. In 1998 Rovers dropped out of the league with a GD of −83, and just weeks after they GreasyPoled, Richardson was found guilty of trying to set fire to the Rovers ground, apparently hoping to pay off the club's debts with the insurance money. That put Richardson in jail for four years, ruined Belle Vue and, as a result the club subsequently went into administration. It took them five years to get back, which they achieved by winning the 2002/03 Playoff Final 3-2 against the Daggers (with Tony Roberts - now GK coach for Brum and Wales - in goal), courtesy of a Golden Goal in the 110th minute ...... and it was to be the only time a Promotion game was decided by the Golden Goal - which they called the "Promotion Goal " - method

They ended the 2020 Covid League One season in 9th place, with a record showing P34 W15 D9 L10 GF51 GA33 and 54 points (PPG of 1.59) - 6 points behind Slumberland and Posh, and three ahead of Gillingham ..... we went to the Keepmoat on 21st December 2019, and came away with a point following a half-Desmond, our goal scored by Offrande Zanzala on 82 mins (4 mins after he came off the bench) when he "poked home from close range after a corner was tossed around the box" ......... the return was fixed for 21st March, so didn't happen .........

In the summer they moved ten out; CB Alex Baptiste joined Bolton, Rieves Boocock - whose parents clearly had a sense of humour - went to Cleethorpes Town (and did you see that "charismatic" manager Ian Holloway - "I'm going to move to Grimsby, and invest in the club" - has parted company with the Mariners (doesn't fancy the new regime, it seems) without - if I read it right - having actually bought any shares); striker Devante Cole now plays for Motherwell, and RW Alex Kiwomya for TwistySpires United (now 16th in the Bananarama, but 16 points behind top-placed Torquay) ...... Then Kieran Sadlier signed for the Millers, and RMF Matty Blair teamed up with Cheltenham Town ..........

They've LoanSigned seven, including GK Joe Bursik from Stoke, but I think he's behind QPR's Joe Lumley in the pecking order (although I can't see Lumley's loan has been extended beyond Christmas Day, so it may be Bursik's Chance), and they ProperSigned five - Congolese RW Jason Lokilo from Palace, MF Ed Williams from Kidderminster, Wolves CB Cameron John, CB Andy Butler from the Iron, and from the Cherries, RB Charlie Seaman ..... wonder what trade his ancestors plied?

Current form at home is W6 D2 L2 GF19 GA11, and away it's W4 D1 L3 GF13 GA 9, giving them P18 W10 D3 L5 GF32 GA20, for 33 points and fourth (even though the Pointy-Nosed Furry Things did them 1-0 on Tuesday) ....... at the end of October they'd W3 and L3, but since then it's been W5 D2 L2, and their last five games have earned them 12 points ....... Having done FC United of M/c and Carlisle (5-1 and 2-1 away, respectively) they're at Blackburn in Round 3 of the FA Cup; curiously, they went to Blackburn in Round One of the Milk Cup and lost 3-2; and they finished bottom of their group in the Troffy, winning a packet of wine gums ...... Leading scorers (all competitions) are Ben Whiteman (8), Fejiri Okenabirhie (6), Reece James (5), and Spanish MF Madger Antonio Gomes Ajú with 4 ..........

Famous players include Alick Jeffrey (whose career was ended by a bad fracture to his leg) who got 129 goals in 262 League games, James Coppinger (leading appearance holder with 595 in the League and 676 overall as at 17th December), John Marquis, Glyn Snodin, and NI international Peter Doherty .......... Their record League win was 10-0 v Darlington in January 1964 (see "Fort William" above) and record defeat was 12-0 by Small Heath in 1903 ..... Managers - apart from some of the Usual Suspects - include Billy Bremner (twice), Kerry Dixon (Chelsea striker), Joe Kinnear, Dave Mackay, Cyril Knowles, Maurice Setters, Bill Leivers (Man City RB) and Lawrie McPublicEenemy

Who remembers Cyril Knowles? Who remembers the song? In 1972, Wonderloaf Bread created a television advertising campaign with the slogan "Nice one, Cyril", where the slogan was used to congratulate a baker named Cyril for baking a good loaf of bread. Itwas picked up by Spurs fans, who sang "Nice one Cyril" to Knowles. The song was actually released as a single (not by Spurs fans) and peaked at number 14 in the charts ......... and the drummer on the recording was Nicko McBrain, later of Iron Maiden

Deadline for entries is, as always, scheduled kick-off time, which is 3.00pm on Boxing Day ....... The nickname of Forres Mechanics (who withdrew from the Highland League this season - don't know if it's permanent) is "The Can-Cans" (nothing to do with frilly knickers, as I can gather) ...... And did you see that Barrow have appointed ex-Grimsby manager (there's a few of then out there) Michael Jolley? He spent one season in Sweden (recommended by Sean Dyche) with Athletic Football Club Eskilstuna, also known as AFC Eskilstuna or simply AFC, previously known under the names FC Café Opera and Väsby United, at the end of which they were relegated .... And I don't know much about Sweden except ABBA, Saab-ba, and that they're not famed for their sense of humour, but I do happen to know that the Swedish for "Merry Christmas" is "God Jul"; so it's "God Jul" from Me, and it's "God Jul" from Him

GOD JUL!

And to finish off, a Swedish Joke (you have to say this out loud, doing your best impression of the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show) .....

This man goes into a Chemist's shop in Malmo and asks for a deodorant; the Chemist says (this is the Swedish bit), "Ball or aerosol?" ....... and the man says, "Neither - it's for under my arms"

Oh yes you did get it ...............!

Good luck to everyone! .......... Stay safe and keep well! ............ And thanks for playing!

Cherry Mistmas!