Accrington Web - 2019/20 Prediction League; Game 1 v Lincoln City (away

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2019/20 Prediction League; Game 1 v Lincoln City (away_

Lincoln City

Accrington Stanley

2019/20 Prediction League; Game 1 v Lincoln (away)

At the beginning of our Second Season in the Third Tier, a thought for our missing legend Billy Whizz, to whom this is dedicated; Billy – wherever you are, and whatever you’re going through – please be aware that all our thoughts are with you, and that we hope to have you restored to good health and back among the team you helped to create very soon ............................

So; our 10th season of drivel, more stats than you can shake a stick at, stupid jokes, ridiculous nicknames, and a Tourist Guide To The Places Where They Play Footie in League One, let’s begin with this week’s First Starter for Ten! Which League One manager said, after his two most recent signings were announced: -

“I am sure the fans will be delighted at the addition. Today we have added two talented players to a good squad of men in our dressing room who, in my opinion, are shaping up eloquently”

Pardon? “Eloquently” is an adverb, meaning “something done in an articulate manner, or something that was done with good speaking skills” .............. so how do you “shape up eloquently”?

And amongst others, Mallik Wilks to Barnsley, Tarique Fosu to Oxford, Tom Aldred to the Antipodes (Brisbane Roar), Piero to Boreham Wood, where he played on loan in 2013 (after four months on loan with us he LoanSigned for BW, saying that he “wanted to go back to basics and enjoy playing football again”), Dan Barlaser to Rotherham, Paul Smyth to Wycombe (where his training regime will be to run round You Fat Bastard twice), Liam Gibson to Grimsby, and now Luke Armstrong (for £undisclosed) to Salford MoneyBags .... and I think the award for the most aptly-named player (given the position he plays) transferred during the close season has to go to Brizzle’s new Dutch GK Jordi van Stappershoef (which I originally mis-read as “Stoppershot”), and the player whose name will need to be in the smallest font (about 4) to get it all on the back of her shirt is likely to be West Ham Women’s new Aussie forward Jacynta Galabadaarachchi .................... and we’re already 12 points ahead of Les Trotters de Cochon and Les Puddings Noirs (Bolton and Bury).............. and speaking of Bury, apparently their season-opener will be suspended if they don’t provide proof of their financial viability by tomorrow (29th July) ........ It’s all happening, isn’t it, and we haven’t kicked a ball in anger yet (if you don’t count what Cashy succinctly (not to say eloquently) referred to as “The Frog Match”)

And who saw the piece a few days ago about Inverness Constipational Thistle, who’ve loaned NINE players to Fort William FC - officially the Worst Team in Britain (I thought that was Satanage?) who haven’t won in two seasons, scoring 21 goals and conceding 245, and who finished last season on -7 points, having been deducted 9 points for playing an unregistered player (three times!) ........... the loanee players appear to include Fyffe Robertson, Gavin Hastings, Herbert Morrison and Judith Chalmers, plus Bobby Kennedy and a winger called Gunn (Ross, not Ben); on the basis that goals win games they’ve signed one GK, four defenders, two MFs, a winger and a forward (but no strikers) ............. It’s harsh up that way, to be fair; the pitch at Eriskay FC is unfenced, has “a hill in one corner” (shades of Yeovil in the old days) and over winter the cows and sheep roam, which means that at the start of every season they have to clear a large amount of sh1t before they can even hang the nets out ................. Oh the romance of footie!

The earliest origins of Lincoln – then known as Lindum Colonia (I think I was once on a cruise on board that) - can apparently be traced to an Iron Age settlement from the 1st century BC, built next to a deep pool (Brayford Pool) in the River Witham at the foot of a large hill. On that hill the Normans – not all of them, of course – built a castle and a Gothic Cathedral in the 11th Century, the Cathedral being claimed, for over 200 years, to be the tallest building in the world (although since that would have been in the 13th Century I’m not sure how they knew there wasn’t anything taller anywhere else). The name Lincoln may come from the Iron Age Celts (I saw them play the MEN a few years ago), who named it “Lindon” (which means “The Pool” in AncientSpeak) ................ interestingly, the name “Dublin” seems to come from the Gaelic “Dubh Linn”, or “Black Pool”, thereby conclusively proving that Dublin is on the west coast of Lancashire. So it is. Begorrah. ............... Lincoln’s most interesting claim to fame, though, may well be that the Castle houses one of the only four surviving originals of Magna Carta (owned by the Cathedral), the others being in Salisbury Cathedral, and two in the British Library in London ..................tell you what, isn’t this edificational?

Lincoln City – known as the Limps (well they are now!) – have played at Sincil Bank since moving there from John O’Groats – sorry, John O’Gaunt (the football ground) – in 1895.Their history is a tad shrouded, but there was footie in the area from the 1860s, firstly Lincoln Recreation, then Lincoln Rovers, and when they disbanded in 1884, Lincoln City .............. and from 1945, Lincoln United as well .......... the Blimps helped form the Second Division in 1892/93, and their first game was against the Blades, who sliced through them at will (gerrit? .... Blades? ........sliced through them? Oh suit yourselves!.......), winning 4-2; the first competitive game at Sincil Bank was a half-Desmond against the Gunners

They hung about Div 2 until 1907/08, when they finished last of the 20 competing teams and failed the Re-election Test (a feat they repeated in 1911 and 1920). Stoke also left the League, but they were 10th and that was money issues; Spurs and Bradford PA took their places. They were also Founder Members of the Third Division North in 1921. They were up and down the Leagues like a whore’s drawers over much of their existence; they GreasyPoled into the Bananarama twice, regaining league status in 1987/88 and 2016/17 (when they were also the first non-League side for over 100 years to reach the Quarter Finals of the FA Cup), and they won League Two last season at a bit of a canter.

We met, you’ll remember, in said League Two in 2017/18, losing 2-0 at theirs just before Christmas (our goals scored by .......oh no, hang on ................) but winning 1-0 at ours (Jordan Clark getting the goal on 35); that was part of the post-Christmas run of 17 wins, 2 draws and 3 defeats which took us to the title, and the Lincoln home crowd was 4753 – then the biggest crowd ever at the Wham ............ Oh, and we lost 3-2 at SinCity Bank in the 2nd Round of the EFLTroffy as well that year ....... Before that it was 2006/07 to 2010/11 – ten games, lost 6, drew 2 and won two – 1-0 at home in 2009/10 (the goal from defender Darren Kempson – who remembers him?), and 3-0 (also at home) in 2010/11 (one from Sean McC and two from El Tel)............... bit of a bogey team, then ........ and speaking of Sean McC, your second starter for ten; how many times has the aforementioned Sean McC been top scorer for the Stanley, either alone or jointly? AND ............. since 2006/07 we’ve had 11 players who’ve held that title (we had 3 in 2010/11, all with 13)...... Paul Mullin, Jimmy Ryan, Bobby Grant, Lord Sunbeds, El Tel, Podge, Rommy Bocu, Sean McMarmite and Billy Kee ........... plus which other two?

Two left the Wimps over the Transfer Window (so far); MF Tim Akinola joined Huddersfield for compo, and 6’ 4” tall/35 year-old forward Matt Rhead (whose profile picture makes Fatty Parkin look like Twiggy – who says the camera doesn’t lie?) signed for BiliousRicky ............... three have ProperSigned, knowing a good thing when they see one; Huddersfield’s former Band Leader and AMF Jack Payne and the Baggies’ CMF Alex Bradley (20) came in on frees, and goal-scoring sensation of a couple of years ago Jorge Grant was signed from Notts Forest for £MYOB ...... One loan in to date – CMF Joseff Two-Effs John Morrell from Bristol City, who spent last season at Cheltenham ............…

Their best ever finish was 5th in Division Two in 1902; they’ve won the Lincolnshire Senior Cup 38 times and been Runners-Up a further 32; famous ex managers include Chris Sutton, Keith Alexander (twice), Alan Buckley, Sniffer Clark and Man U’s David Herd; their oldest-ever player to play in a League game was – blast from the past – Albert Iremonger (42 years 312 days); record League win was 11-1 against Crewe (who, you might recall, lost 13-2 to Spurs back in the days of Charles Buchan’s Football Monthly); and they won the Checkatrade Trophy in 2018, beating Shrewsbury 1-0 .......... and the match report in the Guardian featured this;

• “Their vast centre-forward Matt Rhead was extraordinarily fortunate to stay on the pitch after a fairly brutal challenge on the Shrews keeper Dean Henderson while going for a cross”

See – it’s not just me ............... and speaking of well-built footballers, I’m delighted to see that You Fat Bastard’s still in the Wycombe Squad!

And the man who eloquently can’t speak English proper was That Nice Mr Evans, now of Gillingham; and Sean has been leading scorer twice (2010/11, alongside Lord Sunbeds (we got a lot of penalties that season) and Terry Gornell, and last season); and the two missing from the list are Kal Naismith (10 goals in 2013/14) and Piero Mingoia (8 in 2014/15)

Deadline for entries is, as always, scheduled kick-off time, which is 3.00pm on Saturday 3rd August ............ Second Season Syndrome? No such thing! ...... And this is a season full of promise, as our Good Squad of Men stick the ball in the back of the net with Monotonous Regularity (and no little Eloquence) ................ And We Are The Stanley – and let no b*gger forget it!

Good luck to everyone! .......#seeyousoonbilly ..............Keep the Faith! ...... And thanks for playing!

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