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Re: what livens you up?
You have my sympathy. I have never suffered from depression but have heard from people who have, how debilitating it can be. I am told that you can't just 'cheer up.' That would be like telling someone with a broken leg to run a marathon. Like somebody else on here said, maybe bereavement counselling would help you. Maybe you should ask your doctor to refer you. I really hope you start to feel better very soon.
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Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs, cackling and telling me
'You'll be next.' They stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals. 
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