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To The Board of directors Emmersons:
From The Spokesperson HBC:

Dear Sirs,
On behalf of the various departments here at HBC that now have taken an interest in this case, I feel it necessary, to remind you in whose area your company resides, OURS!
We have therefore formed a committee to analyse your last missive.
We will start by answering your Post Script First:-


P.S. What if we where to foot the bill for the other site & you were to let it slowly fade away? Wouldn't this work out cheaper for both of us?

Never in the Annals of Local Government has any-one ever dared to tell us where we can waste, erm’, use the monies contributed to us. Do not ever be so bold in the future or we will have you prosecuted for bribery!
As to your four part plan to rid us of this person, we find that these excuses are not good enough. (More on this in item A).

Those three points you came up with are also rather feeble, (do you have a history at one time of working in local government?).

We still think that you should go to the ends of the earth to resolve this situation, below is how you will do it:-

A] As you have admitted you are one of the areas last remaining Engineering works. This will have to stop, we are sending you details allowing you to change business use of your premises (please see section B]).

B] Being in a prime location i.e. next to the Leeds-Liverpool Canal & the fact that you can be seen from Dunkenhalgh Way by any-one that comes to the area. You will now re-name yourself

Ye Olde Hyndburn gift & Ice cream Parlour.

C] The above can be done by giving over 100% of your shop floor (10% to 'The shoppe', & 120% (approx) for administrative purposes).

D] This now leaves you free as our Director of Tourism points out for you to change Roys Work title to, Procurer In Soft (ice cream) Samples-Honorary Executive Arctic Division or P.I.S.S.-H.E.A.D for short.

E] Priority of display must be given on your souvenir stand for our exclusive (I've seen the B*lls up on Broadway car sticker).

Your sincerley,
Spokesperson HBC

P.S. You have thirty days to comply.