What is a bully?
 

I've just been reading through the Celebrity Big Brother thread and it got me thinking, what exactly is a bully? The term 'bully' is used so often these days. When I was younger, a bully was someone who used physical violence or intimidation, usually on smaller, more vulnerable kids.

I could be wrong but these days it just seems that the term 'bully' is used so liberally. Does it make you a bully if you don't get along with someone? Name calling, we've all done it, is that 'bullying'?

I know it's a contentious issue because many people have suffered at the hands of bully's but it is a genuine question.

Re: What is a bully?
 

I agree, but I think it also comes in other forms. Yes i think name calling is in a way bullying, even if its behind your back.
I dont think your a bully if you dont get on with someone, unless you start to call them, abuse them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bully

Re: What is a bully?
 

Re: What is a bully?
 

Examples of bullying behaviour may include (this is not an exhaustive list):

Verbal or physical threats and intimidation
Unjustified persistent negative comments
Humiliating someone in front of others
Unjustified persistent criticism
Offensive or abusive personal remarks
Setting unreasonable and unattainable targets
Ostracism
Picking on one person for criticism when there is a common problem
Making false allegations

Re: What is a bully?
 

so me calling tinks , short arse , stumpy , midget , poison dwarf etc is bullying ?

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nah - she can give as good as she gets. :D

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Yes it does you over confident cat killing dip stick....:)

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i would agree but i would also add for it to be bullying it would be using the above to intimidate someone in a weaker position than yourself

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I think the old typical bully.."big hard nut, no brians" type has been put out of business, its more verbal these days.. like kids slaggin off other kids for not being up to the fashion bods in footwear and stuff.
I would have said that some smart/clever people can manipulate a group to give aggro to someone they don't like, but if its come to the state were Jade Goody is smart enough to manipulate a group to her own ends then lets just give up and let the experts work that one out.

Re: What is a bully?
 

Thanks for the link Lolly It was an informative read

Would you like a kick in the nuts Mr Westlife? :p

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I have no idea so why don't you shut your gob before I give you a slap!! :rolleyes: :D

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Again cheers Doug for the info. I'm rapidly trying to catch up after being disturbed by mthead needing to use the pc ..... he's such a bully!!


Manipulate? Is it not a case of the 3 girls share a mutual opinion?

Re: What is a bully?
 

That would make your nose bleed Neil :rolleyes: :p

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3 girls? you mean dannele,jade and the s club girl ? even if they worked together I doubt they would pass the entry exam for a toddlers nursey.

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So telling someone u have had difficulties with to their face, being open & honest about their feelings towards that person.......is that bullying??

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naah that's just honesty!

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I'm sorry but 'bullying' was a serious issue when I was younger but now it's used so often out of context it has become a joke. For instance, if I tell one of my kids off one of the others whispers (thinking I can't hear) "BULLIED!!!" How can serious issues regarding bullying be addressed when minor incidents are regarded as bullying?

I still don't get it! :confused:

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Even if your honesty isnt nice & complimentary ?????????

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Honesty can often come over as aggressive. Is that bullying?

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Thats a bloody point???

Where is the line drawn?? How many times as when u were a kid u got told off for tittle tattling/tell taling on someone over a very minor incident of little name calling but then theres a kid with a serious sytematic mental & sometimes violent bullying that says ..nothing nor admits about it, suffering in silence.

There must be a line between ?:confused:

Re: What is a bully?
 

I would'nt say it is.. telling them how it is.. but then to spread your opionin to others.. to give yourself back up, is maybe bullying.

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Tho couldnt that talking behind back be for something else like, sharing a problem or asking opinion on how to handle the situ or to gain factual support in a mutual shared problem .......... thing is we do all do it ...is it human nature to gossip? the newspapers/media/tabloid make a living off it!!

Re: What is a bully?
 

That's my point, Where does disagreements, dislike of a person or general strength/weakness of a character end and bullying start?

Re: What is a bully?
 

yeah Mel...lol.. what do you mean?

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Re: What is a bully?
 

well.... even gossiping about someone could be deemed as bullying:rolleyes:

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if making somones life a misery is bullying them maybe its about time marrage was outlawed :D

Re: What is a bully?
 

Good thread Tinks.

Sometimes I wonder if it appears as if I am a cyber bully on here. If I think I'm right, and someone else is being rude, or patronising to anyone, I will use everything at my disposal to get the better of that person. Is that bullying? I don't know.

Like I'm sure lots of people on here, I could tell you how I was bullied as a child up to about the age of eleven for being a 'puff'. After that I used humour as an armour and it stopped. I realised if people didn't like me, tough titty. Also being 5 foot 11, and built like a brick sh*t house sort of helped.

What I'm proud of most in life, is at about the age of 14, I went against my classmates mob rule, and protected, and physically stopped the bullying of other kids.

Bullying can take many forms, but to me always shows a weakness on the bully's part.

Re: What is a bully?
 

i wouldn't say so though i suppose it depends on the context in which you are using the honesty.

i suppose if someone were overwieight and a person repeatedly referred to it for the purpose of belittling them orto make them feel insecure or hurt then yes
but if a person were to refer to it once with no intention of causing any hurt (ie just making an observation) then no

i guess what i'm trying to say is for it to be bullying there has to be the intent there to cause either repeated physical or mental hurt.

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i wouldn't say that rindy you've just got your own opinions and you stick to your guns
a very respectable characteristic!

Re: What is a bully?
 

Yes, (thank you) but Tinks has raised what is a very difficult question.

When does standing your own ground, and being as aggressive as necessary to achieve what you want, become bullying?

I'm sure we'd all teach a child to stand up for themselves, even when threatend with violence, to fight back. It does become a very grey area.

Re: What is a bully?
 

my eldest son was bullied at school and i couldnt understand why because he could easily flatten teh offenders but then i found out what was going on.


to put it simple he was forbid by his mother who worked as a teaching assistant at his school to hit them which gave the green card for teh bullies to say and do what they want as because as we all know what school grounds are like you get 10 kids saying teh same lie then they get believed and the poor victim ends up in trouble for somthing they didnt do

this however got remedied rather quickly when i told him that daddy knows better than mummy and he had to hit the leader of this bullying ring as hard as he could in the nose and if anyone asked questions tell them to speak to me

he wholloped the ring leader as instructed and suddenly the very same people who were bullying him now wanted to be his friends or in his gang as he told me they put it to which i said gangs are for puffters and not to bother with them

up until him smacking the little gobsh1te he was excluded from football at breaks and all sorts of other mean stuff but now all is well in the world , his results are better because he no longer dreads school for starters

the school never did contact me but boy did i get an earfull from his mum but it was worth it not to have my son been bullied anymore

smacking someone is wrong yes but sometimes its just the right thing to do especialy where bullies are concerned

i would rather see my kids expelled for defending themselves than sit through years of bullying

Re: What is a bully?
 

It is such a difficult subject, I've typed and deleted so many replies to your last post. You've pretty much summed me up too in your last post.

I'd hate to be thought of as a bully on here but I can't help but defend my beliefs, which, I have been told often it comes across as aggressive.

Re: What is a bully?
 

smacking someone who gives you grief is a great response.. but gets you into real trouble..

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Everyone is different but I was a perfect candidate in school for bullying, yet I never was bullied ...... and I didn't have to smack anyone.

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coz no one could hit that low :D

seriously though u dont have to be small to be bullied its usualy a matter of if your face fits or not and if a kid that is popular dislikes you then thats when trouble can begin

i recall one kid at school getting bullied and one day he turned and stuck a fork intoteh bullies hand in the canteen lol

the bully got no sympathy from teh teacher and the guy who was getting bullied got to lie down and rest , not even a detention which i find applaudable :)

Re: What is a bully?
 

I was bullied when i was at school all the way through primary school and high school. It only finished when i went into the 6th form. Even then i got snide comments from some of the others for stopping on in the 6th form and not going to work or going to college. All because i was overweight, my mum & dad were older than everybody elses, and the epilepsy when that come back. You learn to shrug it off and laugh and carry on though. Its hard and i didnt like it and still dont like it.

I'm like you tinks - praying no one sees me as a bully because of what i've said or what i've done because i say what i think even though it does get me into trouble at times.

Re: What is a bully?
 

You're right. I was always brought up, and I'm sure you teach your children the same thing too, to be confident, and that their point of view is valid, and deserves to be heard, and never let anyone silence them.

When pushed in a corner though, I will be mean, to win brownie points. Even today I accused someone of not being one of life's 'doers', but content just to watch. Not very nice, fair, or true.

Still as long as I sleep at night I'm not going to worry if I'm a bully or not.

Hang on, I don't sleep!!!

Oh, hell.:D

Re: What is a bully?
 

hey .. all of us can be think they were really hard... but I'll bet when you left school..got a job.. you are in a different situtuaton, and repsond in the proper manner

Re: What is a bully?
 

and the proper manner is .. beating the greaser's up down the bottom of fielding lane!

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It's strange. When I was up from London one weekend a couple of years ago, I went for a haircut. I recognised one of my tormentors, that I hadn't seen since the age of nine.

After she left I asked the girl who was cutting my hair to confirm she, yes I was bullied by an older girl, was the same girl that I though she was. I laughed and told her how I knew her. I was told she was an exceptionally nice woman, a good Mum, and was even a Sunday School teacher.

I hope she is nice now, and that if she even remembers making my life what seemed like a living hell, she regrets it. Still, I shouldn't really harbor feelings of sadness towards her...I should shake her hand for making me into the adorable little poppet I am today.:D

Re: What is a bully?
 

Is being lambasted with negative karma for posting an alternative thought/idea not bullying (especially with no name attached) ?

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i used to bully tinks when she was ickler, i'd say to her ''if you dont come over here and talk to these boys with me i'll push you over'' :D nice friend arent i

Re: What is a bully?
 

:rofl38: here here! something we agree on hehehehehehe:D

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Totally Agree standing up for yourself or someone else cannot be bullying and isnt (IMO).

I to have witnessed the hounding of people on Forum's Mainly because a regular member who has been posting for many years suddenly has a disagreement with a newbie, more people will back up there friend or known forum member. (This is Bullying IMO) unless justyfied. Or as I have called it in the past.

Its Clicky.:D

Re: What is a bully?
 

Unless the newbie happens to be psychic and extremely irritatitng? ;) - sorry, couldn't resist. :D

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Thats what the ignore button is far.:D

But I also agree.;) :D

Re: What is a bully?
 

Some certain individuals ahem come on forums especially to dishevel, harrass & bully people but cant take it themselves once its given back :rolleyes:

Re: What is a bully?
 

True. but them kind of people deserve it.

Re: What is a bully?
 

say his name in the mirror 3 times and he will come :eek:

madhatter , madhatter , nah i aint risking it :D

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NOOOOOOOO dont risk it chav pleeeezzeee

Re: What is a bully?
 

Seems This madhatter character had quite an impact on this site.:D :D

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Re: What is a bully?
 

Re: What is a bully?
 

It is so sad when these young bullies grow into older bullies. You see this with some cops, army guys, and arrogant bosses.

I too got picked on a bit but then again I used to be an annoying little brat. Plus I had a big brother to protect me. One time (in about 3rd grade) a kid took my report card. I got off the bus crying. When my brother asked what was wrong I pointed out the kid as he was running off with his friend. My big bro ran em down, pop one of the kids, and came back with my report card.

Came to find out he popped the wrong kid but it stopped that group from picking on me.

I'd like to say I could just ignore the bullying but laying there alone in bed at night was very hard on me.

Re: What is a bully?
 

bullys are people who are jealous of that person and it can be verbal or physical! the best way to stop a bully is to clobber the git! always go for the ring leader stood in the background! :D

Re: What is a bully?
 

Who ....... :confused:


Some people must just be easily forgotten. ;)

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And another thing, I believe Rindy's depiction of Nellie:eek: "THE Bully of the Prairie" Olsen is both offensive and his suttle way of lording it over on us. Please cease and desist Mr. Roo (or at least get a moustache on the curly-qed whench!):D :p :D :p :D

Re: What is a bully?
 

ok i dont remember mad hatter

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Then you are a very lucky person. :D

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Lovely Nellie has got by far the biggest reaction, to any of my much changed avatars.

I think we might be a couple for a while longer yet.:D

Re: What is a bully?
 

Okay, okay, I admit it. I'M AFRAID of Nellie Olsen. The trauma she caused (from what I understand) in the Little House on The Prairie (I think that's what it was called) to those sweet little children in the one room schoolhouse (I assume they had) would have scarred them for life.

Also, she probably had a little annoying little brother (let's call him Willy) who was lured into her many schemes. Just a hunch!

Pedro