What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

I am involved, with my wife in looking after her mother. I lost my mother recently, and I seem to be meeting a lot of older people at the moment. WHY IS IT THEY THINK THEY CAN SAY ANYTHING THEY WANT TO YOU , HOWEVER MUCH YOU ARE HELPING AND DOING FOR THEM. They seem to have lost all tact in their later life. They sometimes make you feel that you are a nuisance to them, even though they could not manage without your help. SORRY seems to be a word of the past along with THANKYOU and PLEASE. Sometimes they are down right insulting but don't seem to care. I despair sometimes I would be in favour of putting them, or us, out of their misery. They do awful and ignorant things and expect that they get away with it. What is going on ..................................

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

I get this a lot, especially when I am out with the brat in his pram. People of a certain age seem to think they can say anything and have no comeback whatsoever. I once had two old ladies tutting disapprovingly at the fact that "I was obviously a single mother on the state" and "She probably doesn't even know who the father is". They had this conversation between themselves despite the fact that I was sat right there!
The look on their faces when they were (rather sharply, but oh so politley!) corrected was priceless though.:D

And I always notice that older people always check my ring finger as well. I don't know why that is.

Older people seem to think that because they are older they can say whatever they want. I say that if they want respect, they should try earning it.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

I agree I was always brought up to respect my elders but I must admit I am finding it rather difficult at the moment.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

I agree with everything you both have said, they think its us who have no respect, I know not all senior citizens behave like this but a lot do think that we owe our lives/freedom to them. Though some fought the war(s) and I have a lot of respect for them, a lot didn't and there are young people still fighting in wars, who dont know their born! Saying that its important to take care of our senior citizens after all its going to happen to all of us if we're lucky and I cant wait to be able to get away with being horrible !

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

My Mother in law said she didn't want to live to be 80 but she went and changed her mind at 79.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

I think you never feel any different as the years go by and when you get older that probably doesn't change, especially if you're healthy.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

My wife is a nurse and was once assessing an elder lady on admission to the ward . The conversation went a bit like this.

Wife. What is your full name?

Old lady. Made no reply.

Wife. Do you know your address?

Old Lady. Made no reply and stared intensly at my wife.

Wife. Do you know what day it is?

Old Lady.Again no reply.

Wife. How do you feel?

Old Lady. No reply.

Wife. Do you know where you are now.

Old Lady. SAME PLACE AS YOU AND YOU ASK TOO MANY BLOODY QUESTIONS.

Wife. No reply...............................

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Old people don't lack tact......they lack respect for others and can be very impolite.
I have often held heavy doors open for them and they never acknowledge you or say thank you.
Nowadays if an old person is rude to me I tell myself that maybe their arthritis is playing them up.
Oh........I should say not all Old people are like this.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Old people don't lack tact......they lack respect for others and can be very impolite.
I have often held heavy doors open for them and they never acknowledge you or say thank you.
Nowadays if an old person is rude to me I tell myself that maybe their arthritis is playing them up.
Oh........I should say not all Old people are like this.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

No I meant to say that they are not all like that but a lot of them are.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

I think some old folk work at being cantankerous. My hubby helps an old couple who have no living relatives........I used to help out too, but I gave up going because of the barbed comments from the old lady.
Hubby says she is lonely........I said 'well if she was a nicer person perhaps more folk would visit'.
Hubby does shopping for them and runs them to the docs and they never thank him for it.
They think that because he is retired he has nothing better to do.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

dont worry fireman they will be dead sooner than us :D

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

The same applies with us, because we are retired all beit early retirement it is expected that we devote our lives . My wife did not want to tell her mum we are going away next week. She will cry and say that it will seem for ever . We need a break too.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Sounds fab. It must be in compensation for all the other things they'd like to do but can't.

Good thread Fireman,makes a change from us moaning about the lack of respect of young people.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

ime all for respecting your elders but a miserable young ingrate will only become an old miserable ingrate

best thing to do is put the age aside and ask yourself if you would tolerate it from a person your own age

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Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

If it is my fate to go gaga late in life, I hope that I am one of the happy sort. I'd hate to turn into a whiner!

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Oh do stop, whining on and on........





[Only joking.] ;)

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Why should anyone tolerate it. Bad manners are bad manners, whilst we alldo try to make allowances for age and confusion being outright rude to people, especially people who are doing their best to help is not classed as acceptable behaviour.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

I must agree with this fireman.....I work as a auxhillary nurse with the elderly and I do think that they lose all manners that they most certainly had when they were younger.
It was only the other day that I was working with one elderly residant and I was stood outside her door disgusing something with the nurse-in-charge. The lady came out of her room and said to me '' what time do you call this you was supposed to get me dressed hours ago'' I explained to the lady that she was quite able to go and dress herself (promoting independance and all) she then said '' I hire you to dress me, now come and get my clothes and get me dressed''.
I was gobsmacked to say the least and a while later as I was thinking about I thought ''god I hope I dont lose my manners and blame it on BEING ABLE TO BECAUSE I AM OLD''.

Elderly people stood at busstops tickle me, you hear them saying things like ''KIDS nowadays they have no manners, we would have got a clip round the ear'ol''. Thinking about it I know we get some BAD kids these days but me at 25years old I do think I have more manners and respect for people than some of the elderly do.
Also the other thing that makes me laugh is the FIGHTING that goes on between elderly people. Some of the worse punches I have seen have been between two little elderly woman at work. So yes I do think that they can be rather rude and bad mannered at times.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

It's not always something that they can control. I've known any number of folks who had a serious personality change due to medical problems. It can be Alzheimer's, a stroke, or depression, just to name a few causes. It can even be an insulin-dependent diabetic going into insulin shock (my wife has been a Type I diabetic for more than forty-five years, so we'v had a lot of experience with this).

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

oo shoot me please if i get like that..............:eek: .

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

We all ,I'm sure understand that sometimes this can be brought about by a medical condition but I think some of them use that as an excuse just to be rude,,,,,,,,,

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Actually having dementia and being abusive do not in anyway go hand in hand.
I have just done some intensive training on DEMENTIA. One thing that sticks in my mind is a article that I read that was true. A man was diagnosed with dementia and after 3 years of being in the care of his own wife. They started him on a new drug to try to slow down the process of the symptoms. After 8 months of the drug being given the wife was becoming withdrawn and had bruising when attending a hospital appointment. To cut a long story short, the gentlemen with the condition used to be a wife beater, when he got dementia he forgot, then when he was given the drugs he remembered and continued to beat his wife. As to say they stooped his medication because he was more aggressive when taking it. Yes SOME dementia sufferers get abbusive but not always.

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Yesterday I was in Homebase making a purchase. when I was stood in the queue with quite a few others ,waiting to pay ,an elderly woman came in anwent to the other side of the desk, obviously wishing to return something. It had just come my turn to be dealt with. The old lady butted in and almost demanded to be dealt with first. The lady on the till told her that she must wait her turn. "but I have a car waiting for me and hes parked in a funny place" A voice from the back of the queue came, it was a lafy of similar age. "Then go and tell him to park in a place that is not funny its a bloody big car park and then come back and wait your bloody turn like us"

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

This just reminded me of an amusing incident some years ago in Asda when a little old lady was complaining to anyone who would listen that some people use the "baskets only aisle" when they've got a trolley and more than six items. She repeatedly told people in the queue that she had only 5 things in her basket. She then began to COUNT the contents of the basket of the man in front of her! She came up with 9 but she'd counted a six pack of coke cans as six individual items. He got rather annoyed with her and told her to mind her own business to which she replied. "Wait till you're as old as I am. I'm seventy three you know!" and he responded "I am older than you, you daft old bat. I'm eighty one!" :D

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Have you been looking after Tinkerbelle again?

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

No but as I was doing the training I thought to myself '' I know someone who fits this discription''..................................... .hehehehe:D

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

oh why do i feel guilty,,,,i think i am getting a crammed old git sometimes ,i dont seem to have as much patience as i used to have,but i hope i dont act like some of the people described on this thread ,,,,,,,,,,,i am only in my 60,s ,,,,,,,,,,,,what will i be like in 10 years time? gulp

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

you are only a spring chicken yet x

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I agree on this one too. why is it that we feel it polite to ask how people are? hoping that the answer will be "yeh i'm not too bad" as we answer when asked the question, usualy for ease i might add. But for some reason once you reach 70, the reply has to go something along the lines of "oh my piles are playing me up today" !!!! or something equally sickening!!

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

LMAO wingy..........yes I agree and thread wondering but (welcome home buddy);)

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Nice to see you back Wingy. :)

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it happens to quite a lot of elderly people in my experiance,i try to make allowances but depending on my circumstances wether i manage it, then i feel guilty if i don't theres not really an answer to it,but has the way societys changed over the years been a factor?i tend to think its made some contribution,in my teens i lost my gran grandad,2 aunts and a few elderly family friends, i can honestly say none of them used to behave like this,thats what makes me ask the question

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

what cracks me up is people still say dont forget these people fought a war for us when in fact most of the people that fought in ww2 are long dead and burried

the majority of todays old people merely lived through the war as children

ive lived through 3 wars that spring to mind ( 2 iraq wars and the war with argentina) now wheres my damn respect

respect of course to those that are still around who actualy fought in the war

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

I think living through times during which wars were fought on foreign soil and living through a war which involved the country you live in being bombed are quite different situations.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

agree they are differant situations but whats it to do with RUDE IGNORANT old people?

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Having lived through a difficult period in history doesn't give anyone an excuse for rudeness. There are even those who can be rude without having lived through difficult times. The post war years were probably also a struggle with rationing still being in place.

Personally I find that pain makes people grouchy and due to various assorted ailments elderly people do tend to suffer more aches and pains. Perhaps that accounts for some of it.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

agree no question that accounts for some of it i still feel the way societys changed accounts for most % of it though

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Like others I was always brought up to believe that I should treat my elders with respect, but it does become very difficult when respect is regarded as a one-way street. It is true to say that for some people (note I say some, not all,) the acquisition of a pension book is seen as a licence to be as rude and obnoxious as possible.

I don't think that aches and pains are really the cause of most it though. I have noticed that as they get older people tend to become less like adults and more like wilful children, with some of the more unpleasant traits often coming to the fore; self-pity, aggression, impatience etc.

Speaking for myself, I have only fifteen years to go before I am handed my licence to gratuitously offend - I can hardly wait! It will be my reward for having behaved myself for fifty years.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

I have always understood that times of hardship, fear, and deprivation served to bring people closer together. It is not our fault we were not around when the wars were raging so why should some of these people throw it in our faces. I don't buy it , a lot of them just want to be awkward to say the least.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Fireman you are lucky you are only looking after 1 old person like slinky Anne is a senior care assistant in a nurseing home and they have 14 in there ,
i have seen Anne come home in tears before now with what the old people call her she has even come home with bruses after being hit by them .
and the language some of them come out with ......

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

I'm just going to say a word for the older people l know who aren't at all grumpy and rude. I have lots of friends over 70 who are intelligent, vital, and full of fun, and like the rest of us only get grouchy when faced with something worth it- such as telephone cold sellers phoning in the middle of your tea etc.

I think as you get nearer those Pearly Gates, some older people must decide it's not worth being pleasant, and they are the ones in the minority we have mentioned on here.

Fireman, you seem unlucky in having a grouchy elderly in- law, perhaps now the weather's getting better if you unshackle her and tether her in the garden, the sunshine might reflect in her temperament? ;)

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Nice thought Garinda and she is not grouchy a lot of the time but she is always very tactless. It would be unfair to leave her in the garden as she would be totally marooned, and if she spoke to the plants like she does to us sometimes the garden would soon be a baron wilderness (joking).

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I know all about it mick as I said earlier my wife is a nurse and used to be sister in charge of a large acute medical rehabilitation unit at fairfield hospital. The tales she can tell make your hair curl,(and then fall out before you get that one in)

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

just bin into town tried to get one for you on kingstreet fireman,but he was too quick for me lol

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

I wonder why they are so malcontent in their twilight years I hope I never end up that way :(

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

It may well be that some people have been rude all their lives, they didn't just get that way with age. I have been told "I fought a war for you" - the answer is "No, you didn't, you fought it for yourselves". Not disrespectful, just true.

HOWEVER - I have my cunning plans laid. I am going to buy myself a Harley Davidson, and a black leather jacket with SOD across the back in rivets, and I'm going to be a Hell's Granny! When I get past that (falling off bike, etc) I shall have an ebony cane with a silver top which I shall bang on the floor to demand attention. I can hardly wait ....

I have had an old lady push in front of me at the Post Office because she wanted to get her pension. I told her that I had to get to work to earn it for her, so she could wait her turn. One other oldish dear pushed in front in our local shop and said "You don't mind, do you. I only want a tin of cat food". So of course I replied "Do go ahead, if you're that hungry".

Perhaps it's fun to be rude and get away with it? That might be why they do it.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Personally I find that pain makes people grouchy and due to various assorted ailments elderly people do tend to suffer more aches and pains. Perhaps that accounts for some of it.[/QUOTE]

Just because you have a pain doesn't mean you can BE a pain!

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Fireman.......maybe you should explain to your ma-in-law that her manner is sometimes a bit.......how shall we say .....? Curt. Maybe she doesn't realise.

And as for your break next week......just tell her you are going...ask if there is anything she needs getting before you go away.......and tell her you know just how resourceful she is......after all she lived through the war without your assistance.

Enjoy your break and don't feel guilty......!

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Going to let David ride with you? Will he have leathers of his own (and what will the rivets on his spell out)?

Now that is something I'd pay good money to see!:cool:

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Thanks Margaret we already did that she was told that we also need a break and that we have put in place everything that it is possible to put in place. She has a remote control for everything even the curtains and careres going in 4 times a day . Heaven help them.

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hERE i AM TALKING ABOUT OUR ELDERS AND i FIND MYSELF IN THE MIRE, WHY IMISSED WASHING A PAN AFTER DINNER,. nO LES NOT THE GRILL PAN . SO THE WIFES GRUMPY AND SHES YOUNGER THAN ME i DESPAIR..............

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

I can't wait to be cantankerous and demanding..... Ok more cantankerous and demanding than I already am. ;) :D

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

I thinkg that most of us have been in more or less the same situation, fireman! I'm sure you will find some way to make amends. Missing a pan when washing up is hardly a major crime - unless it has become a specialty of yours, that is!:o

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Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Perhaps his wife should have it bronzed?:s_sick:

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

I believe that rude old people were once rude young people but they do it louder because they're a bit mutton-jeff and they do it in public because they're not hidden away at work any more.

I don't think personalities change very much with advancing years. If they do, I'm not looking forward to what some of my middle-aged aquaintances are going to become. I know one or two pretty obnoxious 40 and 50 year olds who will make foul 80 year olds. ;)

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Dont feel guilty about your break or the grill pan Fireman, you deserve to get away for a while it sounds like your putting the hours in with you Mum in law, have a good time.

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I have no doubt you are right, if they are allowed to live that long. I think that the lack of tact is pretty much endemic to our society. Take a look at this fellow Bolton that President Bush has nominated as ambassador to the United Nations. One would think that a diplomat would usually display more tact than most, but not this one!

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Yes Billcat I am famous for it. I love to cook and I don't mind the clearing up afterwards, but for some reason I always seem to forget to wash 1 item and I get in trouble for it.Maybe she is taking after her mother.

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Take some time out to lounge about and rest though Fireman :)

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Thanks Tinkerbelle I fully intend to. Inbetween taking my two grandsons round Disneyworld. I'll proably be glad to get back to the mother-in-law.

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Oh surely that can't have been said meaningfully lol !

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How is it that, when you do the cooking, you are also required to do the cleaning up? Somehow, that doesn't seem quite fair.:confused:

I've been stuck with that situation since my wife is not well enough to cope with cooking or cleaning up, but the deal used to be "I cook, you wash up."

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Just joking I am really looking forward to seeing them and their mum and dad have a ball.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

that works in this house billcat i cook my g/daughter takes care of the washing up, works quite well here.

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I don't mind admitting that I really enjoy it and even though I say it myself Iam quite good at it, or so any of our dinner guests have said.

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I know sometimes they DEVALUE things but also on the other hand some of them can show they VALUE you more than ever which, in my kind of work can be lovely.

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Girls always turn into their Mothers......... good luck!!


Bring her to the next Accy Web meeting, stick her up a corner next to me, l'll teach her some manners- just like Lucretia Borggia taught me.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

It isn't all bad, just occasionally they come out with something that makes you think, yes they do appreciate it but it is not usually long before you are dahed by some tactless dig, and your back to square one.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Sometimes you wonder were they are coming from and if they have lost the plot a little :confused:

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I'm sure you will Garinda but after nearly 38years I think I will cope. lol

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Not a little Tinkerbelle the whole 9 yards...........

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Don't they manage to make you feel like the oaf while they lose the whole nine yards lol!

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thats it ..

can someone please inform pixie the weddings off :alright:

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

They do love and at the end of the day it's you who feels like you need to apologise.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

i'll second that fireman, though hope you can get on the plane with your head swelling lol.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

What doyou mean cashman.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

mean you are a good cook-but don,t let it go to your head lol

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Support stockings wrapped round your head should resolve any inflight swelling.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

Looks like fireman has found another convenient excuse to go out and have some fun!;)

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

A tourniquet applied to the neck work in a similar manner. It also would stop him from being talkative! ;)

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All you need to say is shut up and i i will go and have a drink with councillor jones. If I don't blow the trumpet ???????????????

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

thats a new excuse for a drink fireman lol

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[QUOTE=garinda]Girls always turn into their Mothers......... good luck!!

Oh No Garinda.......that is bad news.........I am already a pale shadow of her.
Does this mean I'll inherit her wheelchair and her bossy ways (only joshing Muti).

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

It's true, we do turn into our mothers. There is one awful day when you are talking to/yelling at your children, and you suddenly hear your mother .....

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

my daughter nette has already said that she sounds like i did, when shouting at her children, ooooooo poor her, he he he

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

well i hope mine turns into hers,she,ll not go far wrong.

Re: What happenned to TACT in our Elders?
 

I dispute that....... I have been trying so hard not to turn into my mother that I have turned into my dad. The sad thing is that it crept up on me from nowhere and I didn't see it coming.:D