collegue relationship advice...
 

ok

a guy at work is basically cheating on his wife with some girl he's met from the internet. neither is aware of the other. the gf and him regulary meet up for liasons like this weekend he's takin her either to the lakes or to a holiday inn in salford *L*

and the situation has come to the point where i came across the email of the gf and the phone number of the wife...

personally i cant stand cheaters esp this one. he's soo full of crap when he talks.

so do u think i shud make the gf aware of his true marital status from an anon email add or shud i just let sleeping dogs lie?

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

Tricky one! I think this kind of cheater is the lowest of the low. The trouble is it's possibly not really your place to interfere. I'd just suggest your first tactic should be to make it known to this person that you don't approve.

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

oh he knows i dont approve

i know where the guy lives too and all his family are blissfully unaware of his activities. he makes up lil lies to cover up the real places he's at...

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

It is a toughie.......and if he knows you don't approve, then could you perhaps tell him that you plan to let the gf know of his marital status if he doesn't 'fess up himself.......maybe give him a date to do it by and then tell him that you'll tell her if he hasn't.

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

That's a good idea Margaret. It's always better if they can shop themselves.

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

Well, it does give the cheater the chance to do the decent thing.......although other than that I would keep out of it.

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

Thing is that if you were the person he was cheating on you'd want to know about it wouldn't you - I know I would.

One suggestion - do you know any mutual friends of either the wife or girlfriend who you could tell. It's basically passing the buck but if they know them it's better coming from them.

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

I would certainly want to know.......but it is how to do it in the right way....somebody is going to get hurt however it is done.

He needs 'LOVE RAT' tattooing on a sensitive part of his anatomy.

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

One problem you have is that you maybe responsible for the disintegration of his family if you act, even if you do so with the best of intentions. His wife may well know of the situation and be dealing with it in her own way. Quite often if you do not have the full facts these situations can get out of hand and are all too often complicated as it is. Don’t get involved just because you don’t like this person. Whatever you do their maybe consequences that you have to live with. I’ve been on both sides of the fence at the end of the day it’s the innocent that always lose out.

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

I don't agree with dobbing this guy in to his wife...for the reasons that Doug has outlined, but the girl friend has a choice of whether she wants to carry on in this relationship......he is LYING to both of these women. I would certainly not want to be deceived by a guy like this and would be happy to have the info........and if ANYONE is breaking up a relationship.....it is this two timing rat.

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

His 'Little Brain' is leading his BIG brain.

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

I would say keep out of it as it doesnt have anything to do with you - what people get up to is their own thing regardless of whatever it maybe - are you wanting to tell his bit on the side because you dont like him/cheaters ? - if so thats quite bitter, you may end up doing more damage in the long run by telling his g/f who may find his wife and tell her - then you may be talking marriage breakup/ courts / money etc and if there are kids involved then it could get nasty - all because you dont like this guy cos he's doing the dirty and that he talks crap ?? - if you could live with that then fair enough - I couldnt do it personally.
I would be inclined to keep my nose out of it as have my own problems to sort out and these things have a habit of coming to light on their own and for all you know his marriage maybe a sham and over and this is why he's seeing this girl - just becuase he go's home at night doesnt mean to say that everything is fine at home maternal wise.
I know he's cheating (alledgedly), I know its wrong (if his own marriage is fine) but if you dont know all the facts you cannot going telling his g/f this or his wife that.
I am presuming that there both adults and know the consequences of what they are doing so why not just sit back and wait for the fireworks to go off - then you can say ' I told you so'.

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

its non of your buisness and remember the messanger is usually the one that gets shot

my advice is keep out of it

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

very true chav - mani , if you were tell and blow the secret affair into the open you may make a few enemys and end up being the big bad person.

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

As I have been in the position of the wife I can only give my experience of similar situation. I found out about my husband through a friend but she was the kind of friend who only had my best interests at heart. The fact it came from her made it easier for me to handle but to have found out from someone I didn't know or not very well I don't think would have been as easy to handle. So I would advise to stay out of it. 7 years later the friend who told me is still my best friend but even to this day when we talk about it she still apologizes and I then have to spend ages telling her about how she did me a favour!!! ;)

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

keep well out of it if youve any sense,its a crap situation but its their crap NOT YOURS.

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

I was in a similar situation when I found out my best friend's fiance was cheating on her. After a couple of weeks of soul searching and worrying about what to say, I told her....

She is still a brilliant mate and I had the pleasure of attending her wedding a couple of years ago to a lovely fella (not the cheater). She dumped her fiance, they had been together for 10 years and she was naturally upset. She was glad that I told her, and that she didn't hear it from somebody else.

I think that this is the kind of news you can only break if you know somebody really well.

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

I can understand your feelings about the cheat Mani. I'd feel exactly the same. On one hand my first reaction was that the g/f should know because from what you said she must think he's single and think they have a future together when he's just stringing her along. I wouldn't tell the wife because that could end up breaking up the family which if he dumped the girlfriend and the wife never knew then maybe the family would be OK.

On the other hand if I were the wife and I'd been cheated on and later found out about it I'd feel like my whole marriage from then on had been a sham even if he'd tried to make it work.

Then on a totally different hand (yes, I've got three hands this morning) I think that for your sake you'd be better off keeping out of it because you could end up being seen as the trouble maker.

You've told him what you think of him and what you thnk he ought to do and that's probably as far as you should go.

Maybe the wife will see him with his g/f somewhere and the whole thing come to light that way or maaybe he'll just dump the girl eventually anyway and carry on with his family as if nothing had ever happened.

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

maybe his wife already suspects her husband is cheating and is also cheating with the window cleaner or somthing lol


edit:

lol somone thinks ime cheating on my partner and deducted my karma for it lol

speaking of hiding things wheres the name lol

to stop any heart ache i would inform her of his marital status

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

Don't do it, Mani. You will only create a sh*t-storm, and you will still have to work with this guy afterwards. The girlfriend could potentially take it badly and in some misguided way blame you for splitting up the relationship.

As the saying goes; "it will all come out in the wash". So sit back and watch the miscreant come apart when he gets found out.

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

Really just stay out of it, it's a different matter if you are friends with one of these people, but this situation just has the potental to be incredibly messy. It's up to the guy in question, his decision and therefore his potential mess, he's the one with alot to loose at the end of the day and if it happens it's his own fault. Good luck to all concerned I say. What people don't know, don't hurt.

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

If only it was that easy to get rid of you dear!:)

If you could find not one, but two women to put up with you that would be the best trick since turning water into wine!:p

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

willow - well the girls from london - he lives in blackburn - and they always meet up in manchester....

so not much chance of her seeing them two together...

at the moment the one i'm leanin for is tellin the gf... he cud as much as an idiot he is cud make things work with his wife despite him neglecting her after the miscarriage. she can move on. maybe this guy needs a kick in the balls to stop him thinkin iwth them.

if he devoted as much time to his wife as he did to her then daym!! his marriage wud b made for the heavens

Re: collegue relationship advice...
 

The same could be said for most marriages where an affair is involved. Honestly just let sleeping dogs lie, if the gf is in London and they're carrying on in Manchester, as you say yourself there isn't alot of chance of gf and wife coming face to face at any point. At the moment the bloke is probably finding it all bit exciting, but he'll know which side his bread is buttered, and as soon as the gf starts making demands on his time (and she will) that will be that. There is quite a bit of distance involved here and chances are things will just fizzle out anyway and nobody will be hurt.

Stay well away from all of it. No one will thank you for interfering.