It's a hard life being a Mum.....
 

A few weeks ago the government produced the results of a survey that encouraged mums to put their child into Nursery Education.....they reported that children in Nursery Education were better at social skills. Another survey published today gives the opposite view, and suggests that sending toddlers to nursery is not such a good idea. Now they are saying that a child benefits from the one-to-one attention from Mum.

The survey was conducted over 3 years and looked at 1000 children.

How confusing it must be for Mums to get conflicting information within such a short space of time.

Surely all children are different......some must relish going to school, while others may initially not be keen. Aren't children little individuals.....?

Re: It's a hard life being a Mum.....
 

I saw that on the news when the going gets tough pick on the mums last time it was stay at home mums now its working mums!!!

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I agree with you Margaret, it is confusing, most Mums dont have a choice but to go back to work, and the decision of which nursery/childminder is the correct one is difficult because you want the best for your child. Ellie goes to full time nursery, she has definately not suffered, she's bright and confident and loves going. The Government are always coming up with something, I dont think they know what the're talking about half the time.

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the only reason i cant work is that there is no childcare facilities for my kids & thats what the gov was telling us that promise & making me feel guilty for not working & yet not my fault - then all of a sudden opposite, one ponders why?

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I'm sure they don't Grego. In fact when the results of one of these surveys come out, the cynical part of me starts looking for their ulterior motive. Like when they were saying Nursery Education was good for children, it was because they wanted Mums to go back to work. If they think Mums should stay at home because it is best for the children, then they should pay Mums to do this......personally I think most children benefit from Nursery Education.....they gain in confidence, social skills and learn through play. It is a shame that it costs so much to send children to Nursery.

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Ellie's 3 now Margaret so she gets vouchers which knock £31 per week off the bill which helps. It is extortion though, our nursery has just put their prices up again!

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This thread is talked about all over especially from single parent groups & quite a few upset single dads cos they feel as much mum but not recognised & valid as mothers & trust me there is a steadily increasing trend of single fatherhood & mothers walking out on their kids:(

Re: It's a hard life being a Mum.....
 

It is still daylight robbery......I know my daughter looked at putting her toddler in the nursery while she is at college, but she just can't afford to do it......so I look after both of her little ones......family members looking after children also come in for some stick from this latest survey......but if children can't go to nursey, for whatever reason, then surely children will get loving, safe care from family members. Yet my daughter cannot claim anything against this kind of child care....well, no Mum can.......and there is a dire shortage of childminders.

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Guess who is being targeted for increasing that Margaret, single parents like me who cant get out of the house much for adult company & suddenly rather than make work accessible & a choice of working environments & theres minding the one & only job open to me & to be honest i have enough being stuck with my 2 nevermind more & its isolating !!

Very unfair position for some people to be pigeon holed to that because of their circumstances & didnt get a choice in.

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It would be good if all the under fives got vouchers for time in Nursery Education. Looking after children IS very isolating......and Mums who stay at home and have a gap in their CV are often at a disadvantage when they CAN return to the work situation......not to mention the fact that being with children all day saps your confidence to do anything that needs any brain power.....you start to doubt your own ability.

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Yeh i know that one Margaret sadly the downside of it but suppose kids come 1st whether working or not.

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My daughter and neice benifited from going to nursery but as has been pointed out it is not for all. It suits married mums as well as singles as they can work part time and keep the CV gap.

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Re: It's a hard life being a Mum.....
 

I was in the fortunate position of staying at home with my two boys until they had done a year at primary school before returning to full time work. But I did suffer from the CV gap!! thats another story though...

Mine also went to nursery from 3 years old and although I was a full time mum (worked weekends when their dad was off) I encouraged their independance and own minds.. to the extent of when they started at nursery .... other kids were screaming for their mums and my two were happy as larry! (who is larry by the way?)

In fact my eldest (ok I'm gonna admit this) cried when I picked him up!!!! It took me ages to convince him that he would be going back, he loved it that much!! I felt crap though :(

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Parents are damned if they do and damned if they don't. Most nursery places actually cost anything from £80 -£150 per week..... Yes, per week!!!! If you are not entitled to a free nursery place then you'd better have a good job in order to get your child into a nursery, because £400 per month is more than a lot of mortgages...

My mum stayed home with us and I started school at the age of 4. We all had good social skills, we played out with other children and could all read and write by the time we started school..

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The nursery & childcare provision is scandalous & i thought returning to work when my kids were at school would be easier & nope its worse & dependant on schools where your child goes in order to be safely picked up. A friend of mine had to even pay childminders fees despite the minder being on her holiday!!!!! in order to keep his placement & find someone else to have his daughter for a fortnight! So it was double money payout for him on wftc absolutely rediculous. Even if the child is ill or cant be minded they still get charged & yet some minders & care facilities are not upto scratch nor training as one documentory last year claimed.

Re: It's a hard life being a Mum.....
 

When I had a childminder I too had to pay half her fees if she went on holiday or my child was ill. I also had to stay at home to look after my little'un which meant I lost wages. My son went to nursery at the age of 3 and he too cried when it was time to go home! But starting school wasn't a problem as he had a good idea of what was expected of him.

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I wouldn't set too much store on what these surveys have to say. Any valid researcher will tell you that surveys are the most unreliable form of research.

How many of you have received a survey through the post and

a) not filled it in,

b) lied,

c) written something perverse....:D ;)

I rest my case......

Re: It's a hard life being a Mum.....
 

pmsl Lettie .......perverse?? really???? oo will have to remember that when im bored lol

Re: It's a hard life being a Mum.....
 

The thing is with these surveys is that it isn't an acuurate nor fair assessment from a cross section of society, i know a lot of peed off fathers cos they weren't even listed to be beneficial to their kids it feel to them as they dont count:(

Re: It's a hard life being a Mum.....
 

Have to agree with Lettie, if we listened to the latest advice or survey results we'd all be quivering wrecks when we leff out children, or we'd have guilty consciences for not having a job and paying into the system. At the end of the day you have to do whats right for you as a family, and you as an individual, you should do what fits in with your lives and what makes you happy......and on that note Emily is screaming her bonce off ......................

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Its just some jumped up bizzy body having to justify their wages:(

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I think you are right Lettie and Romps.....but there are women out there who already feel guilty about leaving their children....be it with a childminder, family or nursery. These surveys pile on the guilt.....and remember some women DO believe what these surveys say.

Personally, I think mothers are the best ones to judge whether their child is happy in whatever care environment has been chosen, and surely if a mother thought that the care arrangements were detrimental to her baby wouldn't she find an alternative or give up her job...?

I sometimes think these surveys are done just for the sake of spending government money.......and I think that the government would be better advised to either ensure that there were enough effective child care places.....or failing that pay mothers to stay at home and look after children themselves.

On another note, I do think mothers that go out to work are more stimulated and from that point are more rounded people.

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Yeh i agree & something me mother used to always say:)

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Having been a divorced mum, I had no choice but to work, because my first ex was a total cheapskate (when he was earning £25,000 a year he VOLUNTARILY put up the maintenance for his only daughter to £30 a week!! - I never took a penny for myself).

Mothers are always going to be made to feel guilty - it goes with the territory. Both my children went to nursery, and both are happy and well-adjusted adults with families of their own.

I think what matters most is spending quality time with your child - it's no good being a stay home mum if you just dump them in front of the tellie most of the day, and don't give them any attention. The first half-hour after getting home was always the children's time, sometimes longer, for them to talk about their day and just generally be with mum and dad.

Has anyone checked on these daft surveys what sort of home environment there is? - I should reckon not.

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Pendy, it is like I said.....each child is an individual and as you rightly point out each family may have different circumstances which would affect the study. It seems that it is always 'open season' for shooting Mums down. Some nurseries may not be the best either.....and I know that they are regulated by Ofsted, but they are notified of the visits....or that is what I have been told.

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I wish my mother had sent me to nursery - I feel that I have suffered as a result of not mixing with my peer group from an early age. All my reports (without exception) said that I didn't make friends easily and was a loner, etc.

Or maybe I've always been a miserable git!!! :p

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Did your Mum stay at home and look after you then vorlon....?

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Mmmmm i had same problems vorlon but in opposite way i was very scared of other children & nursery actually kicked out of 3 nurseries :( oopppsss i was a bad un my mum had to quit work then & its my fault she stayed at home luckily im not scared of people now well except for scary ones pmsl

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I think as long as your happy that your children are happy then you should take no notice of these surveys. I think Margaret right in saying the Government have nothing better to spend their money on.

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When I look at the way Mrs Vorlon and I bring up our kids, it's a world apart from when I was being brought up.

We both had to work to pay the mortgage and everything else, and we send ours to nursery, french club and swimming lessons. We have never smacked our children (there are other ways, just as effective, of discipline) and both our children are quite capable of voicing their opinions.

And we don't stay in bed all day either...

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Yes, it IS a different world.......I was 11 years old and I was left to make sure that my 3 brothers and myself got off to school.....clean and with breakfast inside us. Both of my parents worked......we had very little in the way of luxuries. Then when my Mum had another baby I still had to get the boys ready for school and then on MY way to school I used to drop the baby off.....(not literally) with a lady who lived near us......she had a baby of her own who was similar in age, so she looked after my baby brother and her own child and my Mum used to pay her. My Mum went back to work six weeks after the birth of her babies. By the time I was 16 there were 7 of us. It was a very hard up-bringing, but it taught me about responsibility.(And child care) I did sometimes feel a little 'hard done by'...... but I also realised that without both my mothers and fathers wage we would not have food to eat.

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We were also taught that whatever we did had consequences......we were given smacks, but I hasten to add not without good cause......discipline was quite strict, but you knew you would only be punished if you had done something wrong.

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Yeh same here Margaret

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Being given a clip for misbahaving never did any harm, yet a wont raise my hand to mine and have no trouble with her as she nows were I draw the line.