Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

In the time we’re living in no one should be really alone or be in fear of going unnoticed, especially if your getting on a bit, suffer from ill health or just not someone who mix’s very much. Unfortunately is this day and age people are always afraid of being classed has being nosey or patronising by keeping an eye on or in touch with estranged family or older infirm neighbours.

On the news tonight was a story of a lady who has died after falling between furniture and being unable to get herself up again. This tragedy happened not two far from where I live and just behind a family member’s house. It is sad and disturbing that you can go unnoticed. We face a sever winter this year, more than in recent years. Perhaps we can make an effort ourselves to keep an eye open and ask if someone as gone unnoticed, rather than do noting. It might not be important to us at the time, but to someone it might be an alarm call, to others it might be the very difference between life and death……

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

Aaaah .. you have a heart I see Doug .. that's lovely .. I mean that sincerely. xx

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

That is a nice thought Doug.

It would be great if we all knew our neighbours. We could use this Christmas to deliver a card by hand. I'm sure it's not just older people that feel isolated or lonely.

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

unfortunately this happens all too often, sign of the times? its very upsetting and agree with doug.

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

I used to have a neighbour who lived alone. She was a very reserved person, a widow in her late 70s, who "kept herself to herself".

I used to invite her in for coffee and, just occasionally, she would come. It wasn't easy to persuade her but I worried about her. She was about the same age as my late mother, at the time, and I knew Mum was well looked-after by her neighbours (she lived in Blackburn, 40 miles from here, so I wan't on hand for her) and I wanted to do the same. Such was the nature of the lady that once, when she had a flood in her house due to a burst water pipe in Winter, I sent my teenaged son and his then girlfriend over to help her to mop up the mess and she wouldn't let them in.

One day I noticed that her curtains had not been opened by lunchtime. I hammered on her door for 10 minutes but got no response. When I saw that her car was still in the garage I called the police who broke in and found her dead in her front room. She had been there since the previous evening.

The point is that although I did my best to be a good neighbour she resisted. She was just the same with all the other neighbours. It's not always easy.

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

You did your best westender, probably couldn't have prevented her passing away in any case, but at least, due to you, was not found days or even weeks later in a horrible decomposed state. I think you deserve a neighbour award or summat.

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Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

West Ender you couldn't have offered any more kindness than you did.

I've made jokes on here before that when I'm older I will have people trying to help me, when I really don't need any.

It is nice knowing someone cares, which I'm sure your neighbour did as well deep down.

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

Its a difficult one. But although many may resist the help, deep down it must hearten them to know that someone cares even if they are being stubborn old goats!!!

As already said westender at least your neighbour didn't lay undiscovered for weeks!

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

all this is prety horrifying to read at 16...seems im not as immortal as i thought id be!
just knowing that one of these people could be someone close to me or even me sends chills down my spine.
so iv made a promise to myself to go to the old lady's house next door evry day this december...her husband has been very ill lately and as you say doug noone should be alone especially at this time of year.
christ, im goin soft in my old age haha
must be something in the air in these forums....

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

That's cool shakermaker.:)

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i encourage everyone to do something along the same lines - doesnt cost owt yet its probably the best gift you can give someone this crimbo!!
Ta doug i feel inspired!!

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Good on you.

Just don't go pestering her about who she thinks is better, George Formby of Gracie Fields.;)

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

haha, the must realise the greatness of George Formby!!

...his grills are fantastic!

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

good lad shaker.

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No your thinking of the boxer, I'm thinking of the ukulele player who married a clog dancer from Accrington.

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i take it you haven't seen Peter Kay at bolton albert halls, garinda.

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I was there.:)

I was being cheeky.;)

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Staggeringman once sent some cake for me via Mez, Harwood Red, and Sarah. Thinking I was to ill to come to the door they posted the sticky confection through my letter box.


How I laughed when I came back from the pub as a high as a kite, and had to clean up the kind offering on my mat.:)

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

What’s new Mr Woo, you wander about like an old woman rindy. This was meant to be a serious post.

Shakermaker, you’re a gentleman, you instil faith that all’s not lost in our younger generation and it’s nice to know that people do care.

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

:) Awwwwwwwwww it seems like only the other night you were bickering with the poor lad about music.

I feel like playing Mistletoe and Wine to celebrate the love in here.:)

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That's what make this such a good forum...it's people. :)

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It also made a suprisingly good trifle base.:)

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Just watch it you are I'll be giving Chav an hand up.....:p By the way that was the other 16 year old "Woody" and well you know it. I only like his older stuff and if you read the post you'd know that an all. Wandering williy....:rolleyes: :D

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

think its more specific than that - its us northerners!! not saying the southerners dont have any heart but have you ever met any other people who are warmer or more welcoming??
...its definately something in the air hah :D

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

Was that one of the George Formby films?

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Yes one or two, but we won't go into that.....:D

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

No, but it could be one of your future productions.

"Rindy and his Magical Wandering Williy".....:rolleyes:

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

I already made that one ages ago, and you can suck my merchandise.

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

Will you get back on thread you wuss :)

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

Leave me alone.

See back on thread.:)

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

Leave you alone what have we done is it bad is it boring is it is it

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

good thread...

i think with the threat of bogus gas meter men etc old people may at times just be too cautious and at times too reserved nad have too much pride in that they dont need help living their lives etc.

sometimes just bitter from the fact hteir own family members dont

in such times i think the asian community has it right where parents stay with the kids regardless. the amount of times i've been at home awake at nite playin computer games when i've had to take my old man to the hospital with heart pains or a severe asthma attack. this being at 3-5am who wud've been there otherwise?

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

When I first moved onto my street there were several elderly men and women who lived alone. They all looked out for each other and it was lovely.

I came home from work one day to find most of the neighbours out on the street. They were worried because one of the old men hadn't been seen that morning. He was always up early cleaning his windows and sweeping his doorstep so it was unusual for him not to be around. His curtains were closed and everyone was worried.

As I got out of the car one of the neighbours asked if I would go into the house with her. She had a key to this fellas house but didn't want to go in alone, just in case he was dead. They thought that being a nurse, I would be willing to go in with her.

We let ourselves into the house and checked the living room and kitchen. No sign of him....... As we approached the door to go up the stairs, it flung open and there was the old fella.....

"What the bloody hell is going on?" he shouted.

"We were worried about you and thought that you may have had an accident," replied my neighbour.

"Jesus Christ!!!!! You can't even have a lie in on this street," he exclaimed.

By this time I was falling about laughing, the neighbours had all crowded around his front door straining to hear what was going on. It was like a scene from Last of the Summer Wine.

That was about 13 years ago, and sadly most of these older neighbours have since died. The remaining older folk still keep an eye on each other though.:D

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

Nice one lettie, that made me chuckle!!! trust the elderly.........

It's nice to still have a bit of community spirit around though.

We have a couple of elderly where I live and they all watch out for each other. But I watch too, If I haven't seen them for a couple of days, i always go to one of there houses and just enquire abut the person I haven't seen. Usually I get " oh she's fine, I was round there having a brew at dinner, although I don't know why I bother, all she does is whinge," hehehe they are funny.

One of my neighbours lost there beloved Jack russell in summer. She was devastated. One day I was sat in the garden soaking up the sun and she came across and asked if she could sit with me. As we were talking she told me she hated being in the house without her dog, it didn't feel right and she was lonely. We sat in my garden for hours putting the worlds to rights. She has just got another dog now, so she is occupied at the moment taking this one to obedience classes in Oswaldtwistle:D .

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Mani made a point about bogus callers, just a note of caution.

Last month, after a sleeplees night, I was still in bed when my doorbell rang at nine am. I struggled downstairs, still half asleep. There was a man there who said he'd come to change the gas meter, I let him in. He asked if I had any other gas fittings on, or pilot lights lit. I told him the central heating boiler was in the cupboard in the bathroom. He asked me to go and turn it off.

When I came down the front door was open and he had diasappeared. I started to panic. How could I have been so stupid? He had showed me no i-d, wasn't even in a uniform, and I'd left him in my house whilst I was upstairs.

Getting more and more stressed, I was flapping about outside, still in my dressing gown, when who should walk round the corner but the man with the new gas meter.

I had a lucky escape this time, and won't do it again. Nor will I think, when I read about an old person being tricked into letting someone into their home, well they knew the rules- so did I.

Neighbourliness is good, but don't let anyone into your home you don't know, and leave them unattended like this plonker did.

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

Round about this time every year someone somewhere brings forward the thought that we should look out for our elderly neighbours because it is Xmas.

So they don’t count for the rest of the year?

I accept that some old folk will just want to live out the rest of their lives with their memories and not be bothered by neighbours and these people are difficult to keep in contact with. However are we not going about it all the wrong way?

The general consensus seems to be to make contact with a view to HELPING them.

What about making contact to ask them to help you instead? I don’t mean with material things but asking Mr or Mrs Old down the road if she can offer her experience and advice on ………

Next time your new born is red in the cheeks, crying and obviously teething, nip round to Mrs. Old and ask her if she knows why even if you know already. Or something like, my cake hasn’t risen, any idea why?

If Mr Old is known for his gardening prowess go and ask him about planting something.

There may be snow on the roof of a golden oldie and the body may be crumbling but there is a wealth of knowledge and experience in the loft and we all just love to impart that experience to others.

Make the golden oldie feel wanted not like someone who might need help.

Speaking as a 68 years old Apprentice Geriatric I would resent busy bodies poking their noses into my affairs, unless they were volunteering to vacuum the house and dust around or they were capable of making a good old fashioned steak and kidney pie. But if someone came round and asked about something that I have knowledge of, I would welcome them.

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I do take note of your point and I’m sure that most people will reflect on the subject the same way but in reality it as nothing to do with Christmas, it more about the winter period where not only the older members of the community but also the weak, infirm or disabled of any age group who might not go unseen, unheard and unnoticed in the warmer, lighter months of the year, but are severely at an heightened risk when the darker, colder and depressive nights of winter fall on us. Has the year turns after the New Year and the months get progressively colder the death rates go up. Unnecessary deaths or injuries do rise during the festivities because the rest of us take our eye off the ball, but it doesn’t have to happen.

A simple “Hello” how are you is enough in most case’s has you’ve established that all important contact. Just a small note to the well intentioned who might want to do as much as possible to help,

Don’t go calling too early in the morning or late in the evening or at night. Use the day light hours wisely, people will see you better and appreciate your efforts more. “Get them out of a warm bed on your way to work at 7.30 am won’t endear you to them.”

Don’t make promises you can’t or won’t keep.

Don’t go round in groups, it can be threatening.

Don’t pester; establish regular contact and the look out for obvious signs that something might be a miss.

Don’t create dependency, it will undermine they and yourself.

Do help clear paths of ice or snow.

Do help keep paths open and clear of waist or general rubbish.

Do give honest advice and directions; never assume responsibility for the individual’s financial affairs, point them toward their GPs surgery or the local council advice centre or social work department. There are people qualified to deal with such matters.

Do offer to collect shopping if you’re going shopping yourself.

Always use your common sense and communicate with other around the neighbourhood. Don’t assume someone else is doing something, if they are share the responsibility and never allow yourself to be left alone with young children, take a partner with you.

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

If I haven't posted on here in any twenty four hour period, please feel free to offer assistance, as I am probably to shakey to turn the computer on.:)

Re: Let's not leave them alone, Please....
 

My Mother is one of these independent old birds.....and believe me she can be a right pain. I always do a roast dinner on a Sunday. It doesn't take much to plate a dinner up for her and take it.....but what a palaver.....I have to ring her in advance to ask her to unlock the back door and the gate. Recently she told me to stop plating up a dinner.....when I asked her why?
She said it was too much work for me. I got so exasperated with her.

If I ask her if she wants any shopping doing she says 'No' and then I find she has paid something like £8 to a taxi firm for her to be taken up Ossy to do a bit of shopping......I've told her I will do it for £5.....no,hubby and I would take her to the ends of the earth. In fact when i take her to Falmouth later on this month she is going off the cliff if I don't get my wheel chair badge this time.....I'm fed up of being just an apprentice wheelchair pusher.

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Margaret: I think I understand a little of what is going on here. It is extremely difficult to accept the role reversal. You give everything to your kids, not expecting anything in return. Your mum is obviously proud of what you have achieved and her job is done and she threw you out of the nest years ago, she does not want to burden you with her failing health,etc.(Pride, eh ? comes before a fall) I am beginning to feel that way a little myself now, young son just now on road to decent career and want him to lead his own life .. my job is done .. I don't want to clutter up his future life now with any of my difficulties .. think that it what she is feeling, sort off a mixture between the animals/human. I watch the ducks/geese/swans at the back of me house and as soon as the young are fit to survive they are quite cruel and see them off for their own good. Just pride I think.

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You have hit the nail on the head there Katex......but she knows that we don't find her a burden.....in fact she is a real good laugh.....and all of life is a trade off......I'll trade a meal for a bit of the past and a good yarn.....I'll trade a ride to the shops for half an hour of belly laughs......I'll trade pushing her round in her wheelchair for my fully fledged wheelchair pushers badge.....I have been apprentice for far too long. Sometimes parents have to accept the role reversal thing as a penalty for living so long.....her job will never be really complete... there will always be things that she can teach me.

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Margaret: Find those trade off things really beautiful .. you are extemely literate ... wouldn't it be lovely if you wrote all those down for her so she understands that she still has plenty left to give you. Would make lovely lyrics to a song, or piece of poetry; at worst message in a birthday card. Can't give these karma things yet, but you would be top of the tree on this one.

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Kate if you enjoy Margaret's writing read her journal. It's wonderful, but make sure you start at the begining, otherwise the romance in the middle won't make any sense.

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Keep going and you will before long.......:)

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Lets help her get there. :D

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Your parents should be very proud of you shaker, but why wait until December? You deserve plenty of karma.

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Weel folks I hope that you are all able to do the main idea if this thread and keep an eye on others and maybe they'll keep an eye on YOU....You never know what Mother Nature has planned for you.

On a slightly down note had to deal with a decesed person who had not been seen for 4 days, person who kept eye on them had been in Hospital themseleves,...................................... .it happens even if someone is looking out

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Katex.....you must be a mind reader.....or very perceptive......I did all those things in her last birthday card in September......I also made her a copy of my Travel Journal from when we both went out to see my baby Sis in Oz......I put pictures of the places we visited so that the memories of the lovely, happy sunny times would be accessible every day. She says it is one of the best presents she has ever been given.....and tells me that she looks at it most days.......I was so pleased because it took me almost a year to complete and it is absolutely unique.

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Wish I could cheer up a sis like that.:(

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Spuggie, Mum and I went out to see my baby Sis......the book was done for Mum for her 78th birthday.......I'm not sure whether you meant you wished you could go out to Oz.....or do the illustrated Journal thing.....if it was the illustrated Journal thing......well, anyone could do it. It wasn't particularly clever.....it was just very pertinent to the time we had over there.....and it put the memories onto paper. When I asked Mum what she wanted for her birthday, she just said 'New legs'.....I told her that even Asda didn't sell new legs....unless she would settle for frog's legs. So the book was just a truly personal thing......I did buy her some stuff as well but I know that will be put in a drawer somewhere for best.....and will probably never see the light of day again.

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Margaret I have an uncle and his family in South Africa I was thinking of putting something together on the computer the same way as you did with the journal and sending it over on CD/DVD for Christmas. They have been overthere 23 years and apart from letters and cards nothing really happens so the journal idea you had is ideal. Sure I could get my cousin to do one for the family up here with some video footage. Would be good for all.

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And Spuggie, it is the true spirit of Christmas. Giving something that is truly personal, unique and that has had effort and thought put into it. I am sure they would love it.