Why is it so hard?
 

My friends dad died recently and although she doesn't regret anything (eg not telling him she loved him etc) it got us thinking about the fact that we dont take enough time out of daily life to spend time with people we love,i made an effort to entertain two sets of friends at the weekend and this evening rang my grandparents who live in Kent(i dont ring them often enough)-they brought me up as there own and my main intention of the call was to tell them i loved them...



i couldnt do it.
I don't know why.Maybe i felt that if i said it then it showed them that i knew they are not going to be around forever,or maybe because i have never said it to them before.It's really upset me that i cant tell two of the most important people in my life i love them.
Anyone experienced anything similar? :(

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

No, never !! ('cept when I was playing games with a fella like ;) )

Miss Kitty you are a lovely gregarious, friendly, chatty young lady .. what is soo difficult in dialling their number and saying "Gran, just rang to say I love you" (as in the song) .. not like you don't mean it or anything !!

Do it now ... xx

Expect a report in the morning.

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

Miss Kitty, listen to uncle cashy, DO IT. cos if yer dont one day you will beat yerself up for years. i was brought up with me gran n got the T-shirt.;)

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

Be yourself, but always try to make time for others in your life. It cost now’t to say “I love you”. We all have day’s where we do ****** all or at least have time on our hands, this is the ideal time to pick up the phone, e-mail, write or call in person to someone we care about.

I have so many regrets about not kissing, talking or cuddling people who have touched my life, despite opinion to the contrary it’s something I find difficult to do, but if I could go back in time and be with those people again I wouldn’t hesitate.

Go with that inner voice Kitty, if you feel you want to do it. DO IT. That way there’s no regrets and life will be much warmer. Good luck hun..

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

I had a lovely text from my daughter last week. Her best mate's mum died and Sam was really gutted. She told me how much she loved me and how much she would miss me.

To be honest, I already know that but it was nice to hear it. I love her to bits too xx

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

I phone on a regular basis my mum and my sisters when I remember as they work as well. It always feel good after making the call and can give you a lift.:D

Get it done or else young lady.

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

Must admit I did not do it with my first brood, but was lucky enough to get a second chance, the rewards I now reap bring me close to tears, so my advice is just do it be a hugger and a kisser you only get one chance as a rule.

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

i always tell my dad that i love him (only when we are on speaking terms like) i must tell reece at least 3 times a day that i love him, i'm always telling my nieces n nephews that i love them, hell i tell just about anyone that i love them....i'm always telling rindy 'wuff woo' and i genuinly mean it...me n tinks even say it sometimes (when we are drunk) i've got a whole lotta love to give, so why not make someone's day and let them know........













































hell i love you lot :D

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

Miss Kitty, find a lovely Blank card and put in what you put in your first post.........a phone call is lovely, but a hand written card would give your Gran so much pleasure....she could take it out and look at it when she was having a rotten day (we ALL have them) and it would cheer her to know that someone who for reasons of geography, she doesn't see very often, loves her enough to send her such a lovely card. Yes, go do it.

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

Perhaps when you go somewhere nice, with picture post cards; send one of them to who you love, don't cost much. Just say "I saw this and thought you might like to share the view."
The more contact you have you have the easier it will be to drop that "I LOVE YOU IN"

Try it slowly, but not too slowly.

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

Just another thought many years ago an older work mate of mine was taken home ill, I thought of going to his house, which I passed daily, but did not wish to intrude on his privacy.

I never saw him again.

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

i wish i could tell my mum that i loved her, but she died 16 years ago

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

I too find it difficult Miss Kitty, but the advice given on here sounds good, I might even take it myself.

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

Even more difficult when 'love' has been abused - even the word is something that also hard when family isn't showy with love to the point u dont know how to express it & find other ways to instead as its harder more sometimes still to receive it - whereas giving it fine.

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

I very rarely tell anybody that i love them. I find it extremely difficult to show my feelings. Maybe it's the way i was brought up, or maybe it's because i'm generally a cold & heartless person.

:confused:

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

see i was brought up with my mum telling me she loved me all the time, maybe thats it jay

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

The first time i can remember my mum telling me that she loved me was on my 30th birthday. I can't remember my dad ever saying it.

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

Dont talk crap jay yer a blue n white.;)

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

So cold & heartless it is then :)

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

here ive sent ya some karma love jay :D

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

I'm more in line with AccyJay here. Rarely told or showed love but I count it more to my parents up bringing. My Dad's Mum was all German, and we were always told by my mum that's why my dad never showed his feelings.

Even though it makes 'em feel uncomfortable, I tell my dad and his sister (my old maid Aunt) that I love them. Forget about giving those two hugs though:rolleyes:! It makes them both feel so uncomfortable.

I've only got more comfortable hugging after moving down to the southern part of the US.

Also was rather shocked when Mez gave me a hug straight up when I met her at the Stag. I didn't think that the English did that, especially with strangers. It was very nice and made me quite comfortable (would have really weirded me out if Mick had slid a hug my way though!:p)

JUST DO KITTY LOVE!

Brian

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

Hi misskitty!

My advice is to do it now and do it often.

Since I lost Eileen last year, I have many comforting memories of the 27-plus year we were married and the love we constantly showed to each other. It is a hard fact, but all too often you don't get to say a last goodbye. Life just doesn't work that way. So, get busy making up and storing those good memories now. You will never regret making the effort and those memories are something you will treasure down the years.

It's not so much a matter of hugging or saying "I love you," if those words would make the recipient (or, for that matter, you) uncomfortable. Showing them that you care enough for them to make the effort and that you value them is the important thing. BTW, once you start, it becomes easier to get into the habit!

End of advice! misskitty, please let us know how it works out for you. And my best to you and young Jack!

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

My apologeze, I meant to say JUST DO IT KITTY LOVE!

Well Kitty . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . we're waiting!:p

Brian

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

After my previous husband died very suddenly, during a game of golf, being fortunate enough to meet someone and marry again, I won't let my present husband leave home without giving him a kiss and telling him I love him, unfortunately I find it hard to tell other people.

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

i must be very strange then, i love loving :D

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

Well if thats case u aint the only one then hehehehe i must admit im abnormal for a girlie gee dont like an audience for even crying in front of folk i just run for somewhere private to have me emotional moments or maybe hard hearted i dont know but i dont do feeling well at all in fact my class act of fluffing up major there lol:confused:

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

Instead of ringing them to tell them you love them (without chit chat first because that makes you nervous about what your going to say) just pick up the phone and which ever one answers just say "I was thinking about you today, I never tell you how much I appreciated what you did when for me when I was younger" and then quickly try to slip a funny an anecdote in of something you did when you were younger .... on the lines of can you remember when I ....... Things like that usually break barriers down and if you feel confident enough when ending the call just say "love ya Gran/granps/Nan". If you get into the habit of just saying love ya at the end of every call to them it will become the norm.

They might be sat there after thinking whats up with our misskitty but inside they'll be so happy :)

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

I never noticed tinks >>must take notice of our phone calls:D mind u when someone love's me its only me kids but anyone else i'll be oh aye what are u after???!? hehehehehe:D

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

.......... :rofl38:

You must be just putting the phone down as I'm saying it, that's why you've been missing it ;) :D

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

LOL when i stay on its a bbbbbbbbbbuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr noise :rofl38: unless thats code for it:rolleyes: :D

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

Hummmph! :rolleyes: I sent you a karma message telling you I loved ya ... it's ok I'm not offended you forgot .. no it's ok I'm not .... no really ... :p :D

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

:o oopppss yes u did on valentines day:o oh gawd owd age excuse bit coming hehehehehehe:D Mind u theres one gabby that wuvvs me a little too much shes got no trouble showing affection:rolleyes: hehehehe:D

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

LOL! To anyone getting worried about me and mel it's in a bezzy mate kinda love ....... :rofl38:

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

:rofl38: ****** thats the dvd sales going down hehehehehe:D

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

Me and Ginger always say it to each other.

I always tell the kids I love them, not a day goes by without me telling them.

I was never brought up in a family that shared these kind of emotions. My parents never told us they loved us ( unless drunk)......but then again, like has been said on this forum, some people find it hard to say. I re-call my dad once being very sober and telling me he loved me....I could see how uncomfortable it made him feel, but I will never forget it. Just wish I had told him more.

I still find it hard to tell my family I love them, because it's not the norm in our family. Yet I can say it to Ginger and my kids all the time.

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

There is an expression of "It's what you do, not what you say" and I have always agreed with this statement, as hek! a husband can say that one minute and beat the sh1t out of you the next .. but not in your case Miss Kitty, sure they love you to bits.

I don't ever remember my parents actually uttering the 3 little words, but never thought about it to be honest .. just knew that what they did for us, they truly loved their two children. My brother has never said these words to me, but know that he does because of the kind things he has done for myself and my family ... so not always important to actually utter it.

I, like Flashy, say it all the time to my children and grandaughter, so much so that on the closing of a telephone call to my son he says "Love you too Mum, when I hadn't actually got around to saying it in the first place ! Feel sure once you have said it your Nan would reply, "Well, love you too of course". :)

Like Margaret's suggestion of a card with it written down .. good starter.

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

Wow thankyou for all your replies :D (some are v sad,and some made me laugh!)
I will do it-your posts will give me the courage...hopefully.
Even when i imagine doing it i get all flustered :(
but i must remember all you peeps who said for you it is now too late-i really feel for you guys x
Lil' Jack is sick of me cuddling him and telling him 'i love you'-although he has picked it up and this month just started ASKING for hugs!(v strange-he wasn't keen on hugging from about 6 months) and lovingly pats me whilst hugging me-its soo sweet.
I shall keep you updated on the situation.
(btw i do phone them,not often enough, but i do!and i do send cards and things showing i care-i just cant SAY i love you).

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

I do agree with what u say Kate i'd rather be shown love affection of the nice kind :D than to be told - trust that much more, anyone can mutter words that they may or maynot feel whereas showing is a direct way with the word as reinforcement of that feeling, as u said also the downside is that bit about hubby could say that word then reinforce it with a hit - now u get the crux of why women/men can stay in violent relationships cos a hit is association of love to them, now u know how powerful it is.

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

miss kitty, you are not alone, my parents never say it to me but i know they do, but they always say it to my kids, i dont tell them i love em either only in cards etc, its the way ive been brought up i suppose, but i always tell my kids i love em every day:D and that they are beautiful!!:p

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

I find that strange-they say it to your kids,but not you??
I can understand if parents say it to all the family or none of them but not to some but not others :confused:
My other nan was telling me just before Jack was born to tell him how much i love him as well as show it, because apparently it just wasn't the 'done thing' when she brought up my dad and his 4 brothers-and she now regrets it.Whenever she tries to hug them or tell them she loves them they get so embarrassed and uncomfortable its like torture so kind of defeats the object.Its kinda sad :(

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

i dont know, maybe cuz my kids say it to them?? iv no idea, true though it is kind of sad!

Re: Why is it so hard?
 

think thats cos they aint embarassed saying it to children, where an adult they would be, a lot of the older end are like that, brought up in a differant era, i personally never leave my daughters without saying, Love you.;)