Accrington Limericks
 

Some years ago I published a book called 'Lancashire Limericks' by John Sephton. In it are verses on Accrington, Church and Ossie. I show the Accrington one here, and will post the others soon. Members may like to write & post others, on , for instance, Laneside, Fern Gore, Bash, Huncoat ,Clayton,Rishton- and Accrington, Church & Ossie.

A 'omin'-pigeon fancier fro' Accrington
'ad a cropped white-ringt brid and a black-ringt un;
T'cropped brid 'ad to walk,
So he learned it to talk,
An' as folk t'best road to Accrington

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

A bride wi no groom at Church church
Sniffed, "Ah reckon Ah've bin left in t'lurch lurch;
'E's nobbut a lad lad.
Not really bab bad
But he want's knockin' off his purch purch

(John Sephton)

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

well i did donate a little limerick of my own about accrington but after 24 hours it finaly got removed lol

thanx to the people who supported my limerick and awarded the karma :D

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

there was a young man come from Accy
whose clothes were all dirty and taccy
his mam said stan your not a clean man
but dont you just think im your lacky

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was a young woman from Ossy
Who was taken up to the hozzy
A lift she did cadge
With a woman called Madge
Whose left eye had gone gozzy

They got back from the hozzy quite late
They were both in a terrible state
And poor old Madge
Hadn't got a blue badge
So she'd had to pay for her wait. :D

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

there was a young man from accy
whos hands were all sticky and tacky
i wont waste your time
i will be quite frank
i think hed just had a wink

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

Poor ****** :( Conjunctivitis is horrible!! ;)

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

im glad somone has a clean mind everyone esle seems to think they have a better word for that poem which i find disgusting and repulsive and am actualy shocked by the suggestion put forward :(

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was an old man from Ossy,
who shopped in his wife's old swimming cossie.
Whlist out buying bread,
he suddenly dropped dead,
and they buried 'im in a grave which read 'Flossie'.

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was a young lad from Accy,
whose extremities were incredibly tacky.
One day playin' cricket,
his hand touched the wicket,
'n' now he can't roll his baccy.

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

I can get the first three lines ok then my warped mind takes me into the over 18 section.Think I need help.

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was a young woman from Bash,
who'd do owt for a spare bit o' cash.
Whilst dancin' in nude,
she slipped on some food,
'n' now she's come out in a rash.

I'll get my coat.:D

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There was a young lady from Church.
For a weak man she decided to search.
Whilst in Gatty Park,
she found two after dark,
and now she's a pair she can birch.

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was a young girl from Springhill
Who swallowed an odd looking pill
She downed it in one
Whilst her family looked on
Now she's a bloke who calls himself Don. :D

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

The girl from Fern Gore - I haven't come across one as up-to-date as this before. Only heard this on today's news.

Gatty Park - one of several good'uns from Garinda. This is even better because it includes birch , a tree found in Gatty Park. The last line could have read

They were hiding behind a tree - birch

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

Good, aren't they? :D

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There was a man from West End,
who trumped whenever he'd bend.
Whilst tieing his lace,
he went red in the face,
and smoke from his arse did descend.

Sorry bit rude....it's not easy thinking of clean(ish) ones.:o

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

It's a good thread Bob.:)

Though I've not been able to concentrate on the programme about Charles Dickens I'd planned to watch, now my mind is racing.:D

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was a young girl from The Straits
Who was the envy of all of her mates
She had plenty of money
Was lively and funny
She always had plenty of dates

She went on a date with a bloke
Drank pints of JD and coke
She ate a kebab
Then was sick in the cab
And on her own vomit she choked

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

Same here, Garinda.

I'm trying to watch Mary, Queen of Shops on BBC2 here.

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was an old man of Belthorn
whose clothing was ragged and torn
He didn't have shoes
so had nothing to lose
and yet never did look forlorn

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was an old spinster from Arrod,
who met a young sailor called Gerrad.
He got down on one knee,
before going back to sea,
and now she's lookin' forward to bein' married.

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was a young woman from Spring Hill.
Her tummy it started to tingle.
Nine months to the day,
The very next May,
She gave birth to her very own Dingle.





(Really needs an illustration of a woman holding a baby dressed in Claret and Blue, and which she's looking disdainfully at.):D

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA loved that one Gary

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was a young lady from Accy
Who's Accy Web screen name was flashy
She is a real card and is always on guard
Because most of her post's are so whacky:D

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

lol excellent J :D


i owe you some karma, says i have to spread it around a bit before i can give you some more :D

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

there was a young man called john
who fancied a bit of a scone
he went down to Accy
and came back with baccy
and discovered you cant smoke a scone, poor john



crap i know, but i tried lol

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

Nice try flashy:D but I think I'd rather eat he scone than smoke it anyway:D

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

lol cheers for the karma J :D

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

twas a young couple from clayton
for a taxi to town they did wait on
said one to the other
i think was her brother
this cab we have booked is a late un

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

Jaysay, hate to be pedantic, but a Limerick has to contain five lines, :D, bit like this:-

Accy councillor we know who is called Jones,
Lads on here grateful that we have no clones,
He's just doing his best,
Get's things off his chest,
Not part of a set known as Peter's pawns. :p

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was a good man named John
Who secretly drank in the ossy con
When he was their, he let loose his hair
and treated everyone like a son. :rolleyes:

Ok I'm crap at these :)

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

Kate I'm am and never have been a poet, and you are being pedantic, but seeing its you i'll let you off, as for your little ditty, you don't get any better with age:rolleyes::p but its a cracker as certain irishman used to say
can't send any karma as i've given to much lately but will remember:rolleyes:

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

Nice one slinks and very true as well, but its no secret cashy knows

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was a council leader called Peter,
whom his enemy branded a cheater.
Whilst at the Town Hall,
he suffered a fall in a poll,
and now there's nothing he can do but to beat her.

(Any names in the above ditty are coincidental, otherwise I could be accused of being pro a certain politician.):D

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was a young girl at Town Bent
who misunderstood what was meant
when told by a toff
to take her mac off
she did what she heard and just went

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

An old lady from Green'aworth once said
in my day young folk were well fed
brown bread and dripping
now standards are slipping
they now eat McDonalds instead

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

The members are warming to this thread after a shaky start. I think that beecy's Clayton taxi has my vote for leader at present. I give here the one by John Sephton.

A fella fro' Clayton-le-Moors
Got confused and went knockimn' on doors;
They said "Henry, Good heavens,
Tha'rt at sixes an' sevens"
He said, "Nay, nobbut threeses and foors"


Katex is correct - 5 lines, with 1,2 & 5 rhyming, as do 3 & 4

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There once was an old man in Rishton
who had a short leg and a list on
he was glad of inclines
walked sideways most times
but limped on visits to Bispham

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

I left Accy long, long ago,
Because of a yearning for snow.
Now, as a Canuck,
I have the good luck
To shovel the damn stuff till I glow.

Well, it's sort of on topic:D

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

For Accrington guys,
It's Holland's meat pies,
And hot little bits of black puddin'.
But Canucks eat poutine, and hunks of bloudin,
And slabs of tortierre with their fries.

I have an attack of the munchies, so food came to mind. Unfortunately, the muse didn't come along with them.:D

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was an old fella from Staining
Who's life was definitley waining
He hadn't a clue
About what to do
Except everlasting complaining.


Retlaw
:hidewall:

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

there was an owd chap from great harwood
who looked just like brian marwood

he climbed up a tree
to set the pussycat free

because he knew nobody else could

boom boom.....:thankya:...:o

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

this thread is excellent, its made me laugh loads, thanx you lot :D:D:D

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There was a man in Waterside
who liked his trousers made of hide
he went to the races
and bust his braces
showing his mucky backside

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

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An Accrington lass, Flashytart,
Thought limericks were something 'Quite smart'.
She praised the compiler,
Just added a smiler,
Then realised she'd become an old fart

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

lol thankyou


but i dont live in Accy ;)

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There was a bloke that wen't t'pie shop an it were shut

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

An Accrington chap name of Walter
Boasted "Ah'm t'chap they can't alter"
She needs our prayers
Whom he carried upstairs
On the day he led her to th'altar.

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

You might be happier in the thread 'Make up a Japanese Haiku about Accrington'.:D

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

In a flat at an estate in Ossy
lives a man with a toffee nosed snozzy
his vendetta is boring
it sets us all snoring
I wish he wasn't so bossy

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

A stingy old man from Peelpark
had a wife afraid of the dark
he said 'My dear wife,
you're the light of my life'
'Switch it on' was her remark

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was an old copper named Dobson.
Who were crammed and had big a cobs on.
It were is feet
they never were reet.
But thats about par for a Dobson.

Retlaw.

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

This thread is two years old so worth a run ouit again. I have been in correspondence with a lady abiout Hagg Lane, now Hyndbuirn Rd. She came up with:

There once was a lass from Hagg
Who did nowt all day but nag.
Then she met Bob,
Got a smack in the gob
And her mouth fastened up with a gag.

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

I am a young man from Church
who left a young lady in the lurch
What a bummer!
So I did a runner
And she's still on the search.

(ps..don't tell anyone where I am).

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was a new player at Peel Park.
A Scots lad who could see in the dark.
Whilst playing a match in poor light,
Jock sudddenly took flight.
Stanley won ten - nil. What a lark!

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was a young lady from Snuffy.
Her boyfriend, his pet name was Muffy.
Whilst out in the woods,
She showed him the goods.
Nine months later out popped a singer they named Duffy.

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was a young girl from Clayton le moors
Who’s partner she said awoke her with Snores
She would give him a prod,
But he continued to nod
And in the morning he complained of some sores

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

I went for a wander in Ossy Mills
It was full of new curtains and Frills,
There was many an old Codger
An the odd coffin Dodger
And those that are taking their pills

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was a young man from Huncoat
who constantly fancied a grope.
He was put in his place
with a slap round the face
and strong hands applied to the throat.

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was a young lady from up Bash,
Who would do gentleman favours for cash.
She did it for years,
But it ended in tears,
When she grew a beard and moustache.

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...bgQL5K6oaA&t=1

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

A local historian called Bob,
Discovered an old fashioned hob,
With hot pot to cook,
Whilst writing his book,
His pages finished up in his gob.

I know, weak ... just couldn't use another word that rhymed with Bob for fear of it being transported to the Over 18's.;)

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was a young man from Fern Gore
who wanted to have a leg o'er
he found an old girl
who gave him a whirl
and his privates are now somewhat sore.

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

A man from Accrington town,
Was walking around with a frown.
He was feeling so blue,
As his worst fears came true,
They'd knocked his local pub down.

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was a young lady called Stella
Who married a dashing young fella
His ambitions were high
To reach for the sky
And that's why they're living in Mellor.

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

This website devoted to Accy,
Is outspoken and sometimes quite whacky,
Yet through it's sole means,
We spill all our beans,
To end up as nobody's lackey.

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was an Accy lass name of Sue,
Who was given an instrument, so she blew.
When people said she should dump it.
She replied 'They can lump it.'
And continued in blowing her own little trumpet.

:jimbo:



:rolleyes::D

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was a young lady called Marion
Who cycled with Accrington Clarion.
When out for a trip
The saddle did slip
And she thought she was riding a stallion.

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

There was an industrialist, name of Bullough.
Whose ancestral pile was now home to a Mullah.
Peeved it didn't face Saudi,
He got rather rowdy.
Now mad, Accrington's so much the duller.

:D

Re: Accrington Limericks
 

A young engineer from Rishton,
Told tales of the rivers he'd fished on,
Of five foot loach,
And ten foot roach,
All caught with a rod and a piston.