To be married or not to be married.....
 

Well today it was made official, more than half of the adults in the UK are not married.

Do you think this is a shame or does it not bother you one way or another that people are not married.

I personally am not married but have been with some-one now for quite a while.

The reason why we aint married is prob to do with money and also I havent been asked yet!!! ;)

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I think that we live in a time when marriage and family have redefined themselves ... and they have done it outside of traditional authorities such as the state and the church.

Interesting that you should say that you are not married ... but that you are in a long term relationship:confused: So you are saying, that without some "official" sanction what you have is not "marriage":rolleyes:

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Well yeah I suppose we are in a way, just havent got the piece of paper to say it! :D

The thing that I think about is our older generation that are used to meeting someone falling in love and getting married were all part of life.

I know my Dad would love to walk me down the ailse as this is "what happened" in his day.

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you have got to get married sometime,you cant be happy all your life.

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being married is the same as not being married exept women have a new name to get used to

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Heth.....not having been asked is your main 'problem'........you could always do the asking:).
The excuse that getting married it about money is daft.
If you wanted to be married then you would be. You don't have to spend a lot to get married. If you want the big'Princess' style day....then yes, that is expensive.
You could always save up if that is what you wanted to do.....or you could have a small family centred ceremony which costs far less.

I have been married for 45 years.........The wedding cost 17shillings and sixpence(registry office)....the taxi fare to Haslingden(we caught the bus back)......My outfit was bought at C&A and the whole thing including underwear cost £12.
Someone gave us a bottle of Sparkling wine....our wedding feast consisted of cheese butties, battenburg cake and a glass of the sparkling stuff.
The suit I wore many times.
Being married isn't about the showy do....it is all about how you feel about one another and being committed to someone for the rest of your life.
Please don't think I am getting at you........I'm not. I'm just saying that if you both wanted to be married then you would/could and should do it.

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Oh I should say this is only my opinion.....I am sure there will be others who will give you their versions of the subject....and they will, of course, be different depending on their life experiences.

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'Cohabitation is fuelling the destruction of the family while separations and divorces have brought suffering and loneliness. Catholic couples should not set up home together before marriage.'

Said the Pope yesterday.

Speaking on behalf of all the priests in the U.K. who are included in these new figures, and who of course aren't married....hopefully.

It's official: More than half of adults in the UK are not married as changing face of the UK's relationships is revealed | Mail Online

:D

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Groove thinks marriage is just a legally binding piece of paper........his wife is buried under the new garage. He plays pool 3 feet above her daily.

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What about the suffering of people stuck in marriages to people they can no longer stand?

Marriage is great while the partners love each other, but how many marriages are kept going "for the sake of the kids" or because religious pressures prevent them separating?

I know plenty of thoroughly miserable married people.

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I agree, I was quoting a statement from the Vatican, issued yesterday.

Years ago, when only the wealthy could afford to divorce, many people simply vanished, to escape marriages they no longer wanted to be part of.

At least today, on the whole, children still have relationships with both parents, if those parents divorce.

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Some people get sentimental about 'commitment', but it is just a legal contract - it can be cheap to sign up, but is likely to be very expensive to get out of.

Some argue that it provides 'security' for raising children.
Staying together 'for the sake of the children', or because of fear of reduced standards of living apart, is not my idea of living.

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Whilst i think marriage is preferable, its no big deal these days if yeh aint.

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Well I've tried it twice and the only plus I got out of it was two great kids, Ive now been in a relationship for 22 years, never thought of getting married never lived full time together and it works for me, oh yes in that 22 years we've only had one argument and that was about my ex-wife:rolleyes:

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And as usual, you state your opinion in a sensitive, sensible fashion (unless it's about leaving the EU, and then your passionate side shows;)) .... however, I would like to hear more about the underwear:eek:

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As yeh get older yeh weigh things up n yer better off unmarried FACT, a max single pension times 2 is worth far more than a married pension, so it dont take einstein to work out does it?:rolleyes:

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answering the question on the first post,,,,YES ITS A SHAME,,,,,,in my day there was romance first ,then when you were sure you had met the right person,you got married,,,now its lets have a baby so we can get an house,,,,then you find your not compatable at all...but hey who am i to put the world to rights... ..............:rolleyes:.:end::)

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Bully for Groove,,,,What ever turns you on..

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Well when I got wed the first time GC, I didn't have too many options really with a 12 bore stuck up my backside held by my father-in-law to be:D

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That's what I like - practicality. Well said Cashy.

We've been together 35 years and counting, never got round to getting the piece of paper. If we had decided to have children it might have been different, but today even that doesn't seem to matter. Actually I think the strength of the relatiionship is what matters and if you need a piece of paper and a big day to prove it then it may need some working at.

Having said all that I have read all Margaret P's blogs about her wedding day and I envy her having found the right man and going ahead with the wedding on a shoestring. It took me a lot longer to settle down!

As she said, marriage is not about money. Weddings are, but then that's only one day in a whole life.

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I had two marriages - 11yrs and 8yrs - then a 'living together' which lasted 17yrs.
Some people say 'You never found the right one'.
I say that I am not wasting any more time looking for rocking horse poo.:D

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Could it not just be that three blokes were right Margaret :rolleyes::D

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I think there are many people who focus on the wedding rather than the relationship.

I really don't mind what other people do in their relationships, but to me, it was important to be married.
Marriage has become disposable like many other things in life today........let's get married...if it doesn't work then we can get divorced. That seems to be the attitude of those who do get married today.........and it means that when they hit trouble they don't bother to try and work it out.....because there is an easy(or so it might seem at first glance) exit. Any relationship, takes work by both parties......some people will give it up rather than do the maintenance.

When my sister and her boyfriend started living together, my father went nuts and I defended her saying that although they were living in the same house it didn't mean they were sharing the same bed.....I told him that it was his bad mind.

One of the nurses I worked with also came to me(quite sheepishly) to tell me that she was moving in with her boyfriend.....and that she wanted to tell me before I heard it from anyone else.....she said she didn't want me to think badly of her. I don't know why she would think that I would think badly of her.
My morals are mine.....I don't expect other people to live by my values...which are old fashioned. If I were single today and of marriageable age I would do nothing different.

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You falsly presume that they were the ones who ended it:p

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Chill your been GC.....good result last neyt

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Ya but us blokes are such sensitive souls, how do you know they didn't saying Thank God For That, hadn't the heart to tell her earlier;):)

PS. falsly ain't spelt right its falsely:p

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Don't think it would have started any flames in any hearts Eric....'twas like most things in my life, chosen because it was utilitarian and value for money......not frilly, 'trousseau like' at all.

We hadn't much money, and what we did have, was spent wisely.

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I have my own pension Cashy......I contributed all my life...and I would guess that a lot of women of my era are the same......
Being married isn't about money.

I am not sentimental about committment either. I would never advocate that people stay togethr for the children....all that this does, is give children the wrong idea of how a marriage should be.....neither do I think that someone should stay in an abusive relationship.
I think it is sad that people feel it is no longer necessary to get married, even when children come along. You can make a baby with someone but still not be sure enough about the person you are living with, to get married - how does that work?
As I said in a previous post, I have old fashioned morals and values.......I can't change them, nor would I want to.

Yes, it was important to you, possibly without marriage your relationship wouldn't have worked, being married gave you and no doubt your husband an added bond & the security you required from making that commitment.
Whether people go for a legal piece of paper or prefer to live, 'over the brush', it will only last with hard work, compromise, the ability to laugh at, (and live with), each others failings & to put as much effort into keeping your partner as happy as you can.

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Less, you are right. Without marriage there would have been no relationship at all.

We have, like all other married and unmarried people in long term relationships, had our ups and downs....and it isn't just the piece of paper that keeps us together....it is the caring for one another....the companionship.
Sometimes I don't like the man....and I am sure that he feels the same about me.....(I must infuriate the hell out of him).....but when all is said and done I love the bones of him. Our lives would have been so much poorer had we not met and married.

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Well, I think that just about says it all Margaret...not bad to be able to say that after 45 years together:) that's double life-sentence by the way;)

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Yes, I know.....and when I am irritated by things he does, I remind myself that if I had done him in with the carving knife during my PMT days.....
1) I might have got off - balance of mind affected by hormones and all that kind of stuff.

2) I would have been out and established a fine new life for myself.....!

Except that, perhaps without him it wouldn't have been so fine.
I somehow think we balance one another out. They say that for every stale bit of bread, there is a stale bit of cheese....for every pot there is a lid.
I think he is my stale bit of bread...my potlid.

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I would assume most folk wi n ounce of common know marrige aint about money,;) but must disagree that a lot of women have a private pension, that may well apply to the "Public Sector" workforce, but it certainly don't to the Private Sector, n my point is simple money comes into play far more when yer getting owd, heating bills on there own gobble much of it, i myself am fortunate to have a private pension, but i know a hell of a lot n many older than me that dont. aint trying to change yer view, but personally i think a married old age pension is a ruddy disgrace.

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Not talking about a private pension Cashy. I have a state pension in my own right....because I worked and paid full contributions...including those SERPS.
The married pension is payable to women who either stayed at home to look after children, or (if I am not mistaken) didn't pay a full contribution and relied on their husbands contribution for their pension entitlement.

Cashy, you are right about money playing an important part when you are older...but I planned my retirement......I saved for it (fat lot of good it has done me) so that I would not be a drain on the benefits system. I have always been an independent baggage.
I also have my vocational pension. Life would be grim on just state pension

Re: To be married or not to be married.....
 

I have to admit that I am one of the people who is not legally married. Me and Sparks live together and recently bought a new house. We are co-dependent on each other financially and in every way that a married couple would be.
I don't feel that I need a piece of paper to tell me that I'm married because for all intents and purposes we already are.
My only word of advice to co-habiting couples would be to protect yourselves legally, nominate pensions, life insurances etc.....
Marriage and living together isn't just about romance, it is also about the merging and protection of both of your assets. For those of us who have been married (I was married several years ago), we know only too well that divorce can have a massive impact on your pocket as well as your psyche.
I did my own divorce and never used a solicitor, it was this that made me realise that it is entirely possible to look after each other legally and financially without that piece of paper.

In my book it's each to their own. Sparks and I had a very public romance right here on Accyweb where we met. That romance is still there, without the need for the piece of paper. :D

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if your not bothered about the fuss of a wedding but want a family name one of the people could change their name by deedpoll .

much cheaper :D

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Marriage is awreight fur women, but fellas shoud ev nowt tu du wi id.
Retlaw.

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You two are another example, like Marg P gave.

Two very different people, who fit together perfectly as a couple.

I wouldn't see you two any differently if you were wed.

You're a couple. A lovely couple, end of.

My mum and dad had nothing at all in common, as far as interests were concerned, except they shared ideals, and morals, which meant they were very happy as a couple.

I think it's great, when people meet the other half, they're meant to be with.

Although personally I'd hate it.

I was born to be a singleton, and that's the way it'll stay.

:D

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As I said in an earlier post, we all have different life experiences which will affect how we approach/perceive marriage.
I know Lettie that you had a very bad experience with yours...and you did well to get out of it. No-one would expect you to stay in that kind of partnership.
I am glad you have found someone who values you and that you have made the right arrangement to ensure your financial and legal security

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I can understand that :rolleyes::D

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I had to read that twice, thought you had put "simpleton" :D:D:D

Yeah, a true romance, so glad I was there to see the start, here we are some sort of middle, PLEASE, don't tell me how it will end, I'm already on tenterhooks about it.

Good luck to you both.

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I was very unhappily married for nearly thirty years to a compulsive gambler, we should have divorced long before but looking back he messed with my head and I felt trapped by him into staying. I think I should say that I'm by no means a weak woman, I have a very responsible professional job and don't come across as the sort of person who would be pushed around or manipulated! I've been in a new relationship now for over seven years and I'm extremely happy but I would never marry again.
Of my three children, only my youngest son is married. My oldest son has been with his partner for eighteen years and my daughter has been with her partner for fourteen years, they all have two children each and are settled. I honestly don't think that marriage matters a jot, it's commitment to the other person, caring and most of all respect that are the most important qualities in a relationship in my opinion!

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I know a young couple that have just split up, they'd bought a nice house (on Martgage) and funished it, now its over they are struggling to put things in order, its such a shame

Whereabouts in Accy is Martgage?

Is it part of those tatty houses on Blackburn road with balconies straight over the Church traffic lights congestion?

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Mortgage Less, was me getting my vowels mixed up;)

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Not like you that john:rolleyes::D:D

Ah, so, a bad vowel movement?

Good job I didn't point out in the same post how you furnished us with funished, you would have thought I was getting at you.

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You getting at me Less:eek:God forbit, I leave things like that to M.R.:D

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Hey, don't be cheeky:D

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Thanks Margaret you have given me something to think about to be honest, we do worry about money too much these days but if its something that we both want then we could do it.

It has been interesting reading everyones replies.

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Heth, if he hasn't asked you by the time you're fifty, would you marry me?

I can't offer much excitment.

But we could sit and watch endless re-runs of the X-Factor, and at least have a laugh.

:D

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Good luck hon:alright: ... hope all turns out well with you.

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Yes I would Gary, thanks for asking.:D

Can just picture us now, sat there holding hands with our rings on watching the gang! ;)

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Thank You I appreciate that Eric. :)

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Can I have the film rights:D

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Marriage to me is/was an important step in my life. I have been married twice, divorced once and sadly lost my soulmate four years ago.
My first marriage was entered into rather naively and was doomed to failure, maybe because we were both to young or to differnt in our outlooks on life. But from this marriage and got my two beautiful children and consequently my wonderful grandchildren.
When that marriage ended I vowed never to marry again but never say never as you don't know what's waiting round the corner.
Ian and I did live together for four years and then had twenty years of marriage before sadly he was taken from me. We didn't spend a great deal on the wedding but being married somehow cemented our relationship.
As MargP says all relationships take a lot of hard work, have ups and downs but ultimately it is the working through problems together that makes us who we are IMHO.

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I consider that getting married is the ultimate statement and consummate act that one could be privileged to make.
I was married for 12 days short of 48 years and I shall give the same vows and commitment again, hopefully early in the New Year. Being pragmatic I cannot expect to enjoy another 47+ years of happiness but we will be totally committed to each other, as we are now, and enjoy the happiness that being married can bring, for however long we have.
Perhaps the lack of stated committment in today's society has had some detrimental effect upon the society that we now experience - be assured that this is not meant to be critical of anyone, each to his/her own chosen way.

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Big stick Kidder, that should get his attention & encourage him a bit. ;) :D

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Can't understand that........He didn't seem stupid when i met him.:confused:;):D

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We he obviously isn't, he hasn't asked her:D

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Get your dad to borrow my shotgun that should do the trick heth:D:D

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No, Heth, you do not need a shotgun.
Why take a hammer to a nut? Unless you like your nuts smashed to smithereens:)
Employ the subtler methods. I'm sure I don't need to draw you a picture.

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yeh but others may like one.:D

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What and get the thread moved over to the over 18's section......you know I can't get in there Cashy! :)
Oh, and I should say I am bad............................................... at drawing.

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I don't like the idea of conniving the poor chap into a marriage.
If he wants it he will ask. 'Trapping' him may cause him to resent the situation a few years down the line.

PS During our 17 years together my last partner and I had an agreement.
If one of us ever became overwhelmed by the romance of the moment and proposed, the other should always say 'NO' - it worked.

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Take what I said with a pinch of salt thats why I put a smily at the end!

Yes it would be nice to be asked but it will happen when it happens, and if that means me asking him when the time is right then so be it.

I do appreciate all the comments made and yes Cashy he is a bit stupid!!! :D ;)

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Heth, just stay happy......that is all you really need....someone you can be happy with.

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So do i need to clean me gun or not??:D:D:D:love::uzi::uzi:

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Aye thats what we are and thats the way its staying! ;)

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Nah not yet, maybe one day!! :D:D:D

Could get less years than if I marry!!

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People are jesting as heth probably is also, have yeh had a sense of humour bypass?

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Aye I am, Que Sera Sera ;)

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It's Leap Year next year Heth..... May be time to ask him then :D

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Can't agree more Margaret, some years ago I had a mate who lived with his girlfriend for ages 8 or 9 years and all the lads and the landlord of the local kept ribbing him about making an honest woman of her, he finally gave in, they decided to get wed, we all went to the wedding twas a great day and they lived happily ever after, well for 6 months until they split up:eek:

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Don't be daft cashy she never had one;)

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Did saying that make you feel good?
If so - why?
If not - why say it?

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Not its just that I've always had a sense of humour and can't understand people who don't, a category your obviously tailor made for:rolleyes:

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I don't have a high opinion of you either.

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Well at least we both know exactly where we stand then

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So no wedding invites from you 2 then ? :o

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If I wanted punishment I'd walk about with nails in mi shoes Dave:rolleyes::D