Unhappy children.
 

There has beeen a study published today that reckons that 9% of the children in this country are unhappy.

This study looked at children between the ages of 8 and 15....it asked a variety of questions to determine the 'well-being' factor of children.
Who pays to commission these studies?
Do they do any real good ?
Are they relevant?

In my view this survey has looked at the negaitve side of the coin......9% are unhappy....which must mean that 91% are happy.
Yet they are concentrating on the minority...telling parents that they should involve children in family decisions.....and giving other bits of totally useless advice(like give them spending money, buy them branded trainers....you get the idea....materialistic stuff...which begs the question as to what children were asked in the survey)
Maybe we should send this 9% to the slums of India, Somalia, or some other third world country where children don't have TV in their bedroom(they might not even have a bedroom) where the children don't have laptops, ipods etc, where the children get no schooling and may not even get enough to eat.

Do children today have anything to be really unhappy about?

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Going off some parents n partnerships,i would say YES, I wouldn't imagine the 9% are to blame,if in fact it is 9%, personally thing these studies are a complete waste of money, everyone knows well there are "Misfits" in society, the money would be better spent trying to educate em.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

I would be guessing there isn't an "unhappy parents" version of this study;)

Re: Unhappy children.
 

It is essential to experience 'unhappiness'.

If you never did, you wouldn't recognise 'happiness' when you had it.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

So if what you have just said is true all the 9% ,will in the future be truly happy because the have experienced unhappiness, thats alright then:rolleyes::alright:

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Eric, no there wasn't a parent survey which ran tandem to this....that would have been interesting!

It was the materialistic angle that interested me.
I could understand children being unhappy if their parents had split up...or for some other emotional reason(illness and death in the family) but really, children were unhappy if they didn't have the electronic gadgets...sky TV broadband.....all the things that mean very little in life.
To these children I would say....if you have a roof over your head, food in your belly, clothes on your back....a school to go to, friends to socialise with, a parent or parents to make sure you are cared for....then you have nothing at all to be unhappy about.
If you want the added extra's...the ipod, the phone etc...go out and get a job. Life isn't going to hand you things on a plate, and the sooner you learn this valuable lesson, the easier(and dare I say?) and happier you will be. No-one said that life would be perpetual happiness.

My gut feeling is that we shouldn't even be asking them, they are children for goodness sake.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Yup ... I agree ... and I think all of us who grew up poor would think the same way. But I still have problems with those who think that material things make you happy. Sure, the roof over, food on the table, clothes on your back ... they are things you can't do without (altho' many in the world do). But all the other junk ... nah.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

It really does depend on the definition of happy, i was never happy as a kid, i had no telly but then neither did anyone else, i had no carpet in my bedroom but neither did many others. I have a list 16yrs long of unhappy childhood memories, i'm hoping abuse levels have plummetted over time. Lets just hope this 9% are just unhappy with their material things but its more likely to be broken homes and fear of guardians at the top of the list.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

That was my point Eric.......material things are not the way to happiness.
The roof over your head etc, I would consider to be the basics...though I know that there are children in the world who do not have the things we count as basic.......maybe the unhappy children should be made to live with these children and find out what real unhappiness is.

I also think that we need to experience a range of emotions as we grow up, in order to develop not only the coping strategies to deal with them but to realise that life isn't going to give what we want, just because we want it..........and hardship, unhappiness etc shapes our character and enables us to empathise....and be a more rounded individual.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

I can't answer that question, as I do not have any insight into the questions asked, but it didn't appear the unhappiness was based on uncaring parental attitudes, and nothing was mentioned about abuse.
It mentioned material things and decision making within the family and in the community.

I am sorry you had an unhappy childhood. Mine was impoverished....but then that was par for the era....we were all in the same boat.
My parents ruled us strictly too.....so there were times when I feared them...but only when I had done something I knew was wrong. Other than that I had a childhood that was full of riches......books to read, green fields to play in, friends, grandparents. clothes on my back(hand me downs - but we didn't care back then) a much healthier childhood than many children today experience.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Know what you mean, bud. My folks were divorced when I was 5. That would be in 1950 if my arithmetic serves me right. This set me up as the weird kid in school. Today, the weirdo is the kid whose parents are still together:rolleyes:, and who is still getting by with the Ipad 1.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

I had a very happy childhood with all my grand-parents close by, good neighbours and friends who I'm still in contact with today on a regular basis. My parents both worked though luxuries were few and far between. At Xmas there was one present -not a list of things, mum made most of our clothes herself, sewing and knitting but we had memorable holidays camping and i remember her buying one thing every week to put away in the trailer for the holidays, tins of this and that and other stuff.
Most free time was spent out of doors playing with friends and we roamed quite free and without any cares. I would gladly return to those days and wouldn't swap the childhood I had with a present day one. Perhaps it's the rose-tinted glasses of time making everything seem perfect but i do really remember it that way.
I honestly can't remember ever being discontented or vaguely unhappy.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

That's correct and vice-versa.You need to experience both sides of emotions to appreciate life to the full.:dancedog:

Me,I'm happy being miserable.:D:D

Re: Unhappy children.
 

To feel miserable and happy at times in your life is 'normal'.

When you swing between severe depression and extreme elation, they call it bipolar disorder (which many genius' had)

Who says what is 'normal' anyway?

I had a boss who was bi-polar and was medicated to make him 'normal' - he said he missed 'being high'.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

I think that kids are unhappy today if the haven't got the latest video games , trainers, trackies, and Iphone etc, which is more sad than ever, we live in a materialistic world

Re: Unhappy children.
 

on saturday there will be two more children to add to these lastest statitstics because i just scoffed the last curly whirly's from my kids selection box's :D

Re: Unhappy children.
 

I can't remember being unhappy.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Neither can I, but then again I didn't have the things that means happiness to today's kids, in my day you made your own entertainment and spent your time out of doors not sat in front of a computer screen

Re: Unhappy children.
 

If we had video games back then (and the brass to afford them), we would have been just as bad; but we had to make do with a Dan Dare cap badge and an imagination.;)

Re: Unhappy children.
 

They still have selection boxes:eek: I got to get me some of those next Xmas:alright: It's a good lesson for your kids. Rule is with a selection box: open it, and scoff the whole damn thing real quick.:dancedog:

Re: Unhappy children.
 

And the park and swings just accross the road.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

And stealing a candle to wax up the slide;)

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Always wondered who did that to make everyone slide right of the end.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Some pictures of then and now

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Hey ... it wasn't easy. You had to climb up the slide and then work your way down, waxing all the way. And then it had to be polished ... and there was only one way to do that: by the seat of your pants.:D And the trick was to hit the ground running; or you went arse over tea kettle.:alright: I hope none of the health and safety nazis are reading this.:eek:

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Oh, I forgot to mention that, apart from a broken arm, dislocated shoulder (twice), a few stitches, and what was possibly a mild concussion, I didn't hurt myself;):D

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Rough living down bottom end.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Quite right Eric and we were better off for it to, have ya still got the badge:D

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No. I swapped it for one of those plastic submarines that you put baking powder?? in ... the ones that went up and down in a jam jar full of water. Hi-tech stuff, eh:D But I've dated lots of Treens after drinking too much beer.:eek::D

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Beer has a lot to answer for Eric:D

I hope they are reading it, they might just realise kids aren't made of crystal, they don't shatter when they have a small bump, therefore no need for thick layers of cotton wool.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

I always remember my mom when I came home bleeding. If it wasn't arterial, or if it didn't obviously need stitches, it got washed and doused with iodine. And I got a hard, swift one or two on my lugs for being so careless:alright: Lucky my mom loved me (and I loved her) or it could have got real brutal.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Free Curly Wurly ih todays Daily Express so you can replace it Accyman.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

I must have been to the same parenting school Eric........If my daughter came home and said her leg was bleeding.......I used to ask if it was hanging by a thread...and could she still walk on it...if the answers were a 'no' and then a 'yes'...I would tell her she was alright and she would die after it.

Didn't put much on cuts or grazes.....just held them under running water(extremities, that is)......if no running water available I have to admit to using mumspit. She survived!

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Thinking of children, my Daughter always comes on a Saturday, she does my shopping for me, when she comes in I always ask her how her hubby is and my Granddaughter, this morning she said, she's dead, didn't come in while 3-30am, just before I came out she text me, why was she not in, no she was in bed:eek::eek::eek:she sent her mother a text from upstairs, beam me up scotty

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Think my mum did the iodine thing 'cause it stung like hell ... an extra reminder to be careful;)

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Quite so -reinforces the memory and makes sure you are more careful next time. I had two boys who had constantly grazed knees for a period of about 10 years (there are 5 yrs between the 2 of them) -I had an emergency first aid kit in the car as accidents happened anywhere and everywhere.

You boys -all the same;):D

Re: Unhappy children.
 

:p

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If you need iodine applying just ask -it's part of my regular torture kit:eek::D

Re: Unhappy children.
 

"mumspit" Now that brings back memories of hankys just before you left the house, to make sure you wern't to grubby to be seen in public:D

Re: Unhappy children.
 

What a load of old guff.

http://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/s...ren_policy.pdf

Though with 25% of children in the U.K. apparently living in 'poverty', these latest figures aren't too bad.

:rolleyes:

Still, I suppose little Amba-Mae, and Kyle, might be a little down in the dumps, when they realise the odds of them becoming famous as a WAG, or winning the X-Factor, are stacked against them.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

I think you might all be missing the point, in our day we were all in the same boat and knew what our expectations were even though we knew that we could change our lot and move forward. They were good times. The 9% of children mentioned here are generally excluded from society with a history of families living on benefits and no idea of their potential and no ambition or hope for the future. Equally these 9% most likely don't have TV in their bedroom(they might not even have a bedroom) where the children don't have laptops, ipods etc, where the children get no schooling and may not even get enough to eat. They live in a self perpetuating system of no hope.
It's all relative and what's going on in third world countries should not be relative to our young people. Our young people should have ample opportunity to progress themselves but unfortunately their life chances and opportunities are limited by their family situations which is not assisted by the public's perceptions.
Not all young people have caring and happy families, whether well off or poor. You can be poor with good prospects or poor and hopeless.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Oh I must have missed that, reading the various reports, about this survey carried out by the Children's Society.

Where does it give the socio-economic breakdown of these children, which show the 9% of 'unhappy' children, are all from the same background?

Please could you supply this evidence?

Silly me.

I was under the misapprehension that the 'unhappy' tots are just as likely to be sat in their bedrooms, surrounded by every conceivable luxury.

Look forward to seeing the breakdown.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Makes me rather unhappy the some daft ha'p'orths equate possessing material goods with happiness.

I personally know many people who grow up with literally next to nowt, except love, and who had very happy childhoods.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Sorry Garinda, I'm not referring to the study but from my own thirty years experience of working with young people and families, I know I should have been more specific I stand corrected.
Additionally I agree that people can grow up with nothing and know that they have everything, unfortunately there is a section of society who seem to want material goods who do not have the understanding that they have to be earned, and in today's materialistic society are willing to get them by any means and do equate them with happiness.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

So we agree. Good.

Material goods don't necessarily equal childhood hapiness.

There's probably an equal number of the little brats, who always complain of boredom.

Despite having everything at their disposal, which should mean they never are.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Unfortunately I know a lot of young people who do not have the very basics in life, never mind the material possessions.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Same.

Though in my opinion, the children I came across, who really did suffer poverty, lived in third world orhanages.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

My own experience of childhood and life in general leads me to believe that it is the people that populate a life are the key to happiness -not "material things".

My most treasured memories are of the simplicity and happiness of childhood. Freedom to roam with friends and play out. The security of a home where my parents and extended family were always present -even though both parents worked. School, which for many brings bad memories. I was a good student but didn't even have a proper desk -I studied on the rickety camping table which we used for holidays. All the furniture in my bedroom was old stuff of mum's which was painted every now and then to match the new colour scheme.

At the end of the day it is the personal, simple stuff that counts, not the latest gadget.

My most precious possessions are letters from my family and friends.

Yesterday evening I spent a rare, but wonderful, evening with my youngest son, 3 of his friends and his girlfriend - made an industrial quantity of pizza and a giant Tiramisù. We sat and talked and laughed for 3 hours and a good time was had by all -I hope he'll remember this evening in 25 yrs time when he has a similar occasion with a family of his own.

Technology brings certain advancements in the "quality" of life but at the end of the day, as human beings , it is the human stuff that counts..

I recently read a poem in a book which was written 100 years ago, it was a surprise to find that some of the simple gestures and sentiments described exactly mirrored thoughts and feelings of my own today- technological progress does not change human sentiment, that is the important thing that we must transmit to the next generation.

As a footnote: I sometimes wonder if the discontent of today's children does not mirror the frustration they feel in their parents.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

The ones I know live in our immediate vicinity.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

You earlier mentioned children not having their own bedroom, complete with their own TV, gasp, computers, and iPods, what else, besides those necessities, constitutes 'the very basics'?

Other than through criminal neglect, because of our generous welfare state, I don't see many starving children, living in British gutters.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

I would say that the very basics are a stable home environment, caring parent (s)/ carers, adequate heating in the home, a bedroom either shared or not with appropriate bed and bedding, a reasonable standard of cleanliness, adequate food and clothing, appropriate boundaries with earned respect from parent(s)/carers, an expectation to attend school, and appropriate values. Also a background which incorporates values in which the young person's needs take precedence over the needs of the adult. Very importantly unconditional love. Additionally but not necessarily a standard of living which would allow the young person to have an equal playing field with his/her peers. This is my opinion and no matter what the family income I consider this to be essential for a happy childhood.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

No, Anne, I don't think I am missing the point.
And I am well aware that not all children have caring families.

It didn't appear to be about having no hope, it appeared that these children were unhappy because they didn't have sky TV, or the latest designer gear......these are not children living on benefits because most of these children, although living on benefits, seem to have all the modern gadgets. These are material things. Things which are not necessary to health and well-being.
Food and shelter is necessary(or it is as far as I am concerned).
As for schooling....there is no need in this country for children to go without schooling...in fact it is illegal to keep children away from school...they are required by law to attend. Now, as to what they make of that schooling is another matter. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink....you can give a child schooling but you can't make it think....and that is where the difference lies.

I would take issue with you about being poor and having good prospects........poor people do not have good prospects unless they make those prospects for themselves. Poor people start the race already hobbled by their background.

Anyway the study said 9% were unhappy. This must mean that 91% were happy.......and in my book that is a result.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

These are your criteria for what you consider makes a happy childhood.
They are [I]not the criteria of the children who were surveyed.

I don't think there has ever been a level playing field when it comes to a childs peers. I know that when I was growing up there were poor children in our school(of which I was one)...but equally there were children whose parents were comfortably off....and some were clearly very well off.
It is just that our mindsets and attitudes were different.

Where true poverty exists, is where there is no responsible adult toensure basic needs are met[
Some people have children when it clear that they are not capable of caring for themselves....and having worked in an NHS setting, I know this to be true from personal experience.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

I appreciate and agree with what you are saying, I am speaking from my own professional experience, which is mainly working with the most socially excluded young people in society and their families. Food and shelter are the most basic of human needs, unfortunately a proportion of the young people I encounter are not privy to such luxuries. A further number of them have inadequate parents who are unable to provide adequately for their children. And as for there being a legal requirement to attend school, if children do not fit in with the educational environment they may find themselves with no more than one hour one to one tuition per week as a maximum.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

So who, where or what is to be seen as responsible for this situation where the "Parents" are inadequate ?

Re: Unhappy children.
 

In many cases these children have socially excluded themselves by unacceptable behaviour.
You may say that this is not their fault, as they do not have the appropriate adult role models to give them mentoring.

Inadequate parents breed inadequate children....their inadequacies are not the fault of the rest of society, and they cannot be mended by giving them material things.....they may not be able to be mended at all.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Margaret, I think we might be saying the same thing in a different way - it's really about responsible parenting which unfortunately some people are not capable of. A responsible parent would ensure the child's welfare needs were met, as you said some adults are incapable of meeting their own needs (or are more concerned for their own needs than those of their children).
And the list I gave previously whilst being my own criteria for what makes a child happy are also in the main considered to be a base for adequate parenting.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Again I completely agree with you, we are singing from the same hymn sheet!

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Yes, Anne I took your point, but there was little mention of parenting in this report.
As far as I am aware, parenting hardly came into the equation...other than the children(who were aged between 8yrs and 15yrs) said they would like to be more involved in family decisions, and decisions in the community.........now, to me(and you can correct me if you think I am wrong here) these do not sound like the kind of children to which you referred.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

In many of these cases the children in my opinion are seen by their "parents" as a means to an end, as in the more kids they produce the more benefits they get.You only have to walk around Accrington town center and see and listen to how many "parents" talk and interact with the kids and it becomes obvious they are seen as a hindrance and an inconvenience tolerated only because of the money they bring in.You quite often see the kids, dirty, pasty faced and scruffy whilst their "parents"always have a can, fag, and the obligatory designer tracksuit, truly sad to see. No wonder many kids are unhappy.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

No, they sound like well adjusted children from good backgrounds. And I do agree that there is an emphasis on such children to have material goods (I'm considering my own grandchildren here). Material goods would add to their 'happiness' although should not be essential. I suppose that the same way nice clothes, perfume, jewellery etc adds to my happiness - lovely but unnecessary! The young people I have been talking about would not really understand the concept of being involved in family decisions, and although they are encouraged to be involved in community decisions they have little interest or understanding.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

No, they sound like well adjusted children from good backgrounds. And I do agree that there is an emphasis on such children to have material goods (I'm considering my own grandchildren here). Material goods would add to their 'happiness' although should not be essential. I suppose that the same way nice clothes, perfume, jewellery etc adds to my happiness - lovely but unnecessary! The young people I have been talking about would not really understand the concept of being involved in family decisions, and although they are encouraged to be involved in community decisions they have little interest or understanding.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Totally disagree.

A much better gift to bestow on a child, is to learn that you can't have everything you want, just because 'everyone else has'. If you want something, earn it.

The other things you mentioned have nothing to do with material goods.

Like generations of happy kids, who grew up poor, and clean, being happy isn't connected to what you have.

It's being loved.

Neglect is down to feckless parenting, regardless of how much material goods they give their children.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Stating that 'material goods adds to a child's happiness', genuinely makes me sad, that as a society, this is seen as a norm.

We're becoming more and more like America, where happiness and success is measured by how much you materially own, every year.

If Jesus was around today, I doubt he'd be spouting the same guff.

Suffer the little children.

Just don't make 'em suffer by not going into hock, so they can have the absolute latest piece of must-have technological gizmo.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Well if Chantelle Higginbottom's had breast implants, a tattoo, and her lips injected, course you can have it done love.

I'm not having anyone lookin' down on us princess.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

Let's just wait 'til you're potty trained though.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

I find it so very sad that as a grandparent you think that material goods will add to your grandchildrens "happiness", your words not mine by the way. Just beyond me how people can focus on the material things being more important than points of view being listened to:( Maybe rather than indulging children with everything they think they need we could all be rewarded by spending time together and talking problems over. Rather than dismissing children having no concept of being involved in family decisions, it might be nice to ask them:)

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It's clear that British children can only be classed as in poverty when they are seen starving on the streets with nowt on there feet.. such like the hardships our gran or "how hard it was"and what they had to endure.
Seems people will not be satisfied until this happens again..I doubt it will be but don't pray for it!

Re: Unhappy children.
 

They were probably all 'unhappy' children, who went out looting and rioting last summer, because they didn't have quiet the right/latest trainers, phone, telly etc.

Bless their cotton socks.

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Free education, free access to health care, social welfare, that means no child should go to bed with an empty belly.

Sounds pretty good. Compared to most of the world.

Which would explain why so many people will do anything, to come and take advantage of life in Britain.

Re: Unhappy children.
 

The study showed only 9% of children were unhappy.......and their unhappiness was caused, or contributed to, by the fact that they had less of the material things in life. It wasn't about poverty per se.

I am with G on this. Children have to be made to realise that what someone else has, does not impact on their life....that if they want the ipod, the mobile phone, the designer trainers, then they can go out and earn them........but they need to learn that as a person they are not defined by what they own.

Attitudes are learned early(but only if parents teach them) the advertising world see children as consumers......and play on the weaknesses of parents ability to say NO.

The over indulgence of children by parents is the most insidious form of abuse.

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I think your spot on there WM, I hadn't been in Accy Town centre for years until, I was able to go down last year with the help of my carer and its true what you say that's the first thing I noticed was the number of people dragging kids round with them, usually with a Gregg's Pie stuck in the kids mitts for dinner ;)

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I don't think that material goods should/will add to my grandchildren's "happiness", it was more a statement of fact about today's materialistic world. Furthermore my grandchildren do not get everything they want and I would like to think that they are learning the value of money and that there are more important things in life than material possessions.