Parental responsibility
 

Is it not time parents were brought to account and made to be more re sponsible for their children? I have read today a 15 yr old girl has died in Devon from taking illegal highs and two other girls taken to hospital. They were found in a park at 4.50am today. What in heavens name are 15 yr olds doing out at that time of day. Under 18s are children in the eyes of the law and therefore the parents should be held responsible for them. Maybe if parents were charged with neglect or something similar more would make themselves aware of where their offspring are and what they are getting up to.

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easier said than done and a lot of bringing kids up is more by luck than management. at 15 tell em to do something they don,t agree with and they,ll do it anyway. looking back to your own life when you were 15 doesn,t help either as the way of the world has changed. thank goodness my lad got out of his teens unscathed as it was hard living everyday with a stick and a carrot.

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Both of my children came through without any trouble too but I did tell them that if I heard of them trying any drugs I would take them to the police station myself and they knew I meant it. It is difficult I agree but a lot of parents these days do not put themselves out to take or bring home their kids as they are more interested in going out themselves and have not the faintest idea where their kids are. To keep them on the straight and narrow involves being a taxi service and putting your own social life on hold if necessary.

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That's modern parenting for you! To many of the new generation grew up with lax controls due to leftist attitudes dominating & overriding common sense & morals. Todays parents as you say have a more hedonistic approach to life & an overweening sense of entitlement without the counterweight of responsibility to balance things.

Added to that, the addiction to bookspace & myface, being "Mates" with their progeny as opposed to good parents, is it really any wonder the country is in the state it is?

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I agree whole heartedly with you Son.
Rowlf...tough love is what it is called.
Parents use(usually) the same codes of conduct that were exercised on them as children.
I certainly did, and I can see my daughter also using the same approach.
So I think that to be an effective parent....you have to have had parents who were effective.
It is not about control, it is about instilling in your children the right social/moral values.
The values of doing what is right(because it IS right) even when there is no one watching/checking.
My mother always told me that she had eyes and ears everywhere and that because we were a large family, people expected the worst from us....and if we did bad things then that would justify other people's low opinion of us...and we would let her down...that and the threat of a skelping.

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I agree about the difference in today and when we were young and as has been said today's kids have much more freedom and less respect. My original question was should parents be made more responsible for their children actions. As you rightly say Margaret most parents apply the same rules they themselves were given as children but just because some were not given those guide lines to me does not excuse them for not knowing or caring where their offspring are or what they are doing. If children are causing damage to property for example the parents should be made to pay along with the child making amends in some way.

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As far as i'm concerned quite a few parents today are totally clueless as to what responsibility actually is,:rolleyes:

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Simple answer - Yes!

Will it happen - No!

Why? Because they've got rights!

On top of that, should you even pass comment or shake your head in disbelief at certain "Childrens" behaviour, you're met with a flurry of abuse, threats of violence & undoubtedly told, in a barely coherent rant to mind your own business! (This I know from personal experience because when the M.i.L had the audacity to comment on some ill behaved little snipes whose parents really didn't care less to the annoyance being caused to others around them. She was bad mouthed & slated by their boorish father .... that was until yours truly stood up (literally) all 5'10, broad shouldered & beer barrel carting muscles flexing told said idiot to wind his neck in & get a grip of his pets, because if ours could sit quietly & behaved under the table the same should apply to his! And all this in German with a smattering of fine old Anglo-Saxon ;))

Shortly thereafter he & his brood left in high dudgeon, we were later thanked by the waiting on staff who had to put up with such behaviour on a regular basis but weren't allowed to say or pass comment "As the customer is (despite their obnoxiousness) always right!"

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I have looked after my grandson since he was six months old, my daughter was a single parent and she had to work, he will be 13 tomorrow, I cannot believe where the time has gone. He is a joy in our lives. When he went to nursery at three, he new please and thank you, it was drilled into him, new how to use a knife and fork, and was disciplined if he was naughty. There are too many parents out there, that just do not care, there children just run riot.
I have a friend who is a Nursery teacher, some of the children that go there are still in nappies at three years old, never used a knife and fork, manners forget it.

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Children have to know that there are consequences for their actions and this is a concept which many of the 'little darlings' have no grasp on...and whose fault is this...well, I guess it is ours.
We have let children know that they have 'rights' but failed to tell them that these 'rights' come with responsibilities.
If parents do not already feel responsible for what their children are doing, then there is little chance at this late stage of making them see.
You cannot put sense where there is none(thanks Cashy) and neither can you instill a conscience where there is none.

So if parents do not understand the responsibilities of being parents then there is no chance of children understanding this is there?

That said, I do think the children have such different lives today.
They are influenced by what they see(you know the old saying..'Monkey see, Monkey do').
They are influenced by Z list celebrities whose only talent is for spouting foul mouthed trash,getting their kit off and having intimate moments(sex) in front of the camera - I'm thinking 'Love Island'...Big Brother...Geordie Shore, TOWIE.
My daughters girl is 12 and she talks about her classmates watching, then discussing at school, these programs.
My daughter does not allow her girl to watch this toxic stuff.
She knows that she cannot protect her from hearing what it is about, but she deems it unfit for a 12 year old(me too).

We cannot expect to raise children with social and moral boundaries if, as parents, we do not give our children boundaries.

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Well done to you Hilleluk. My grandson too has manners and was able to use a knife and fork from the age of two (albeit a small set). He says 'Please may I leave the table and thank you for my 'what ever meal it is.' Manners are not learnt over night and today's parents obviously cannot be bothered to keep spending time over and over teaching basic ones.

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Thank you for that it means a lot. He has not been an angel all the time, the usual boy stuff, but nothing serious. He has promised me that when he starts work, every pay day he will bring me a bottle of wine and flowers, that from about the age of eight I have drummed into him, I love wine and flowers. I am looking forward to it.

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I don't know anything about the parents of said 15 year old. There are many tricks they use in their teenage years (like arranging to be at someone's house stop over and lying to both parents which allows for them to out and about) some with the parental responsibility can't control their offspring - I know this from my mum who couldn't control my niece who would stay out all hours and she had to call police countless times.

There are so many variables to be judgemental. But the problem here for me is the legal highs. Those responsible for selling these need to be brought to justice

Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk

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There are strategies you can employ to overcome some of the devious methods used.
Like parents liaising with one another.
My daughter allows no sleep overs unless she has spoken to the parents of who ever the children are visiting...same goes for days out.
She also has tracking on their mobile phones.
They both know this (only one of them is a teen....but the other one is 12 going on 27).
They both know that there are consequences for lying...or doing something that breaches the rules.
They also are aware that once their integrity is in question and trust is lost, it can never again be the same.

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Your daughter sounds like an excellent mother Margaret and your grand daughter is very lucky to have such a caring mum. If more parents were like her there would be far less young ones getting into scrapes and worse.

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I taught her all I know :)

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It obviously worked well.;)

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Well, Cashy...so far, so good.
Her children were not allowed mobile phones until last September...they are not allowed on social media(despite their requests).
The phones are conditional and their mum vets the history on a regular basis.
Their accounts are linked to hers so that she can monitor what they are doing.

Obviously as they get older there will have to be some changes, but these will be discussed with the children.
Children are not the equals to parents...you cannot be 'friends'(well, not until the children grow up to be adults).
Parents are there to protect children and this gets more problematic over the years.
It is not about control, it is about safety, security and trying to ensure that there is some protection from the things that are out there that can harm them.

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I know that parenting is not an exact science...it is more of an art.
I know that methods and strategies are not foolproof. You can only do your best with the experience that life has given you. Even then,you can still get it wrong.
Getting it wrong can have disastrous consequences.

I feel for the parents of the 15 year old. They will live with their own brand of nightmare for the rest of their lives and will be asking themselves all the 'if only' questions, with no answers.

If you raise children to be happy, then you deserve a medal.

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Well I used to throw a few bones into my kids room if they chewed on them then they were fed otherwise, tough, it taught them to look after themselves, why should I have to put up with the responsibility?

Actually, that just seems to be the response of Ner' do wells, the aim of the majority of parents even in todays society fortunately is to ensure their children have the basics of a decent upbringing, (otherwise we would suffer even more chaos).
So, perhaps we need to put up with the animals other people rear?
They make us seem most perfect.

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seems your daughter is doing a good job margaret but don,t think it,s an art though it,s more like good luck. others will attempt that type of parenting and bring up a nightmare child and others will have a couldn,t care less approach and bring up a dream child. so called experts have wrote articles and books about parenting and it,s not a suit all situation. every family are different and just getting it right for you doesn,t mean it will be for someone else.

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Yes, I am the first to admit that there is no 'one size fits all' parenting...and children are not like domestic appliances.
They do not come with instructions or trouble shooting manuals.
All that said, your children are yours you know them best(or should do) you know what turns their screw(and they know what turns yours).
Being one of 7 children, I know that all of us were different...but our parents had strict guidelines and rules which had to be followed...I think this helps as most children need to have some sort of continuity and being consistent is also important.You start off as you mean to go on.
setting ground rules early is(in my opinion) the way forward.

When my daughter came and told me that other parents would let their daughter s do this that and the other...I told her that was their business, not the way I worked.

Children are not like petunias....you can't guarantee how they will go..even when you do everything 'right'.

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The one thing that worries me the most is Drugs. All these issues have been spoken about between my daughter and her son. Hopefully he will take notice.

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drugs are the main problem that parents have to put up with. most like me at the time knew nothing about drugs or where to obtain em. we were happy with the secret fag behind the bike sheds or the odd bottle of beer we could get our hands on but the drug business is a new world for most of us.

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In actual fact I consider children to be the main problem, we form relationships, these often produce off-spring, we are delighted at a succesful birth and look forward to bringing them up in an image of perfection.

Then after many years of frustration, (on both sides) they realise they are individual human beans and start practicing their independence, this is when peer pressure comes in and unless you are really, really lucky, even the most perfect child ever born will kick against the traces. (That may even be part of the way to become adult????).

I have been lucky, both of my responsibilities finally ended up maturing to be sensible humans, they even attempt to bring their own children up in a similar manner, only time will tell if how they are doing it, turns out to be something like correct.

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Less, I think that most parents are aware that children will test their mettle.(in every respect)
You can only do what you can do.
You cannot be behind the little darlings 24 hrs a day.

As for drugs, I wish there was some additive they could put in the concoctions that turn their skin green and warty.
Then parents would know what they had been up to...and no girl would want to be wearing that look...and no boy would ever get a girlfriend looking like toad of toad hall.

There are other things as well....sending rude pictures to one another on mobile phones.
As a teen I would not undress in front of anyone...I was far too embarrassed to exhibit naked flesh.
So what has changed in young girls/boys of today? I'm blowed if I know.

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As a teen I would not undress in front of anyone...I was far too embarrassed to exhibit naked flesh.
So what has changed in young girls/boys of today? I'm blowed if I know.[/QUOTE]

could be a case of all the so called sex education that goes on nowadays at schools. when i was growing up the amount i got was zero and same with my mates. at the end of the day we knew how to respect our girl friends and later we knew how not to put em in the club. very few unwanted pregnancies then unlike you see nowadays. can,t blame the kids always for that as you put something in young heads and they,ll want to try it.

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I don't think that is exactly true...about the unwanted pregnancies.
The teen pregnancy rate has fallen in this country to the lowest rate for decades.
Contraception has been available to young teens for a long time(via Community and sexual Health services and also through Brook Advisory) I think that this has had an impact on teen pregnancies.
And I know what I am talking about as I worked within the NHS in this speciality.

I am not sure that sex education lowers inhibitions....if you are not keen to exhibit you nakedness then I do not see how sex education would change that.

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personally i think most pregnancies are wanted, just some wanted for the wrong reasons.

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Not all accidental pregnancies are unwanted...but some pregnancies are definitely unwanted or there would be no need for terminations.

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Long gone are the day's when a young chap would have his hair cut and as he was paying, the barber would say; "something for the weekend sir" ?
Oh yes I remember it well.

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Aye i used to say No Thanks, its like washing yer feet with yer socks on, he soon stopped asking me.:D

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just being nosy margaret but has the number of terminations gone up or down over the years.

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Down in the teenagers, but up in the 30-35 age bracket

I no longer have access to local figures(I have been retired now for 15 years)...these figures are from government sources.