what would you do?
 

advice needed!

My wife is currently in RBH, & will be for the near future, (IE, over Christmas).

My daughter is insisting that I join her, hubby & g'kids for C'mas day lunch. I know she means well, thinking of me,

Yet I feel, & want, to spend the day with my wife of almost 52 years, I cannot bear the thought that I will be apart from her at anytime at C'mas for the first time ever!

I obviously don't want to upset my daughter, but, my wife comes first.

Anyone been in similar circumstances who can offer advice?

Thanks,

Gerard

Re: what would you do?
 

Sorry not been in that position however I hope your Wife is better soon and I think you should do what you feel is the right thing for you.

Re: what would you do?
 

Just divide your time, spend a couple of hours with your Missus in the morning, scoot off for dinner with your daughter & family I'm sure your wife will understand (probably even encourage you to go) then come back later on & spend the rest of the day with your missus.

Re: what would you do?
 

Thanks, DinG, was what I was thinking, nice to know someone agrees.

Thanks for your comments, you & Shurm

Gerard

Re: what would you do?
 

Daves advice sounds about right to me mate, hope yer missus is soon home again.

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Cheers, Cashy.

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Just tell your daughter what you have told us, I think she will understand and may even take the g'kids and go with you. All the best.FM.

Re: what would you do?
 

"Great minds" & all that, then again there's always "Fools seldom differ!" :)
Either way, enjoy it the best you can & hopefully next Christmas the whole gang will be together.

Re: what would you do?
 

Good plan splitting your day and you'll be able to have all the rest of the afternoon and evening with her. Don't they relax visiting hours on Christmas day?
On top of which your wife will be pleased your having a good Xmas lunch!

Re: what would you do?
 

Thanks, FM, appreciate your comments.

They are all going to visit RBH anyway, it's just that I don't feel like leaving to go & 'enjoy' myself at theirs, without my wife, her Mum, & their Nan!

Gerard

Re: what would you do?
 

Thanks, GB,visiting hours are relaxed over C'mas, however, I am currently going in at 8am, & staying all day, leaving at 7/8pm! I am putting in more hours than some of the nurses! They've actually offered me a 'clocking in' card!
As for the Xmas lunch, I am told that the kitchen is of Michelin standard on C'mas day!

Gerard

Re: what would you do?
 

It must be a difficult decision but I think the idea of spending time with your wife in the morning then having lunch with your daughter and going back to see your wife in the afternoon seems the best but ofcourse it is your choice. There is always something going on in hospitals on Christmas Day so your wife if she is not too ill, which I hope she isnt, should enjoy the entertainment while your away for a little while. On the other hand you might want to enjoy it with her. Whatever you decide I hope you and your family can have as good a Christmas as circumstances allow and that your wife is back home with you very soon.

Re: what would you do?
 

Thanks, Rowlf, I am so grateful for all accywebbers comments on here, but what I am finding difficult will be to leave my wife, after a couple of hours, to then go to my daughter's home & not bring down the mood of their celebrations, then to rejoin my wife, without feeling that I have 'abandoned' her!
If there is any entertainment in RBH, I would rather share it with her, than be away from her, despite my daughter's best intentions.
BTW, as far as I know, my daughter is not a member on here!

Thanks again!

Gerard

Re: what would you do?
 

Yep, that sounds a good solution...then later on, you can break it gently to your missus that you're going to Carlisle on Boxing Day! :D ;)

Re: what would you do?
 

I wish!!!

Won't even make Saturday's game!

I know we are at home, but don't even know, or at the moment, care, who our opponents are!!!!

But your post did raise a much longed for smile!!

Cheers

Gerard

Re: what would you do?
 

I am so sorry to hear that your wife is poorly and will be in the big house on the hill over Christmas.
My thoughts are much the same as those already expressed.
If you are spending all that time at the Hospital then you need a break for your own sanity.
If it were me, I would visit and see what the lie of the land is during the morning.
I would visit Daughter and her family for Christmas dinner.
They will not be expecting you to be the life and soul of the party with what is going on.
Then go and spend the evening with your lady.

As for the Christmas grub at the RBH...I don't know who told you it was Michelin standard...(unless of course they meant it all tastes like remoulds)
It fills in a hole in the same way that cement does.
Hope that things turn a corner for you soon Gerard.

Re: what would you do?
 

Trying to do what's best for all in these circumstances (and don't forget - what's best for you, too) is a bit tricky but some good suggestions have been made.

My suggestion, for what it's worth, is that you are with your wife in the morning, then organise a visit to her from your daughter and most importantly your grandkids to really brighten her day. By then I would think she will be feeling tired and needing a sleep, so that's when you can go to your daughter's and see what the bearded man has brought the kids. Share the Christmas with them, play with them for a little while and then spend the rest of the day with your wife again. That way you have split yourself up as best you can - and given a bit of yourself to everyone, but most of you to your wife.

I do hope your wife recovers well and that 2018 is a good year for you.

Re: what would you do?
 

Thank you, Margaret, the Michelin bit was meant to be 'tongue in cheek', but, whether 'greasy spoon', Mcd's, KFC, or whatever, I would rather eat that with Yvonne,than anything that could be conjured up from Northecote, or any other 5 star establishment in the area!

Love the 'remoulds/Michelin' joke, obviously one from your time in the NHS!

I know my d'tr & s'i'l will not expect me to be l&s, but, g.kids are 13 & 10, they don't understand the same.

Can only look forward now, & hope Yvonne home in time for NY eve!

Gerard

Re: what would you do?
 

Thank you, Dotti, really appreciate your comments & suggestions, from you & others, will take them all onboard, & hope that I can get through the day without upsetting one or the other!

Thanks again to all!
Gerard

Re: what would you do?
 

You are welcome Gerard.
Yes, the food Up there is not the best.
The grand children at 13 and 10 ARE old enough to grasp the basics of what is going on and are probably(secretly) worried and upset.
Another option for you all to perhaps consider is postponing YOUR celebration of Christmas...and perhaps doing a Christmas style meal once Yvonne is back home and things are more settled.

As for hospital entertainment at Christmas...that has to be a laugh of similar proportions to the Michelin grub joke.

Carol singers used to come round at some ungodly hour, but the only other entertainment might be some confused elderly person getting out of bed and showing a bare bum to the world.
Pay TV would be the only other bet...expensive too

Re: what would you do?
 

You’re only human – not Superman, and you can only do what you can do. If you’ve done your best and it still upsets someone then just say ‘tough titties’.

If you worry too much about it you’ll not enjoy the day yourself – and in case you don’t realise it you are important also.

Enjoy the day!!!!!

Re: what would you do?
 

Yes, Margaret, you are right, the grandkids do seem to accept that Nan is not well & are probably worried themselves, yet, at their age, they don't want to show it.

Hope the 'entertainment' is better these days than when you were on the wards!!

G xxx

Re: what would you do?
 

Yes, Margaret, you are right, the grandkids do seem to accept that Nan is not well & are probably worried themselves, yet, at their age, they don't want to show it.

Hope the 'entertainment' is better these days than when you were on the wards!!

G xxx

PS

we are cancelling C'mas for now, until Nan comes home!!

Re: what would you do?
 

Ged, spend the day with your wife, lots of time for the family when she is better. Good luck to you both, tell your good lady we are all pulling for her.

Re: what would you do?
 

This was me last year, my husband was in hospital.
I was surprised at how many visitors people had, there was one family could only have left the dog at home. I personally would go to the hospital on Christmas Day, the staff usually make it as happy as possible, every patient had a present given, that made me happy.
I will be thinking of both of you on the day Gerard, Hope this helps

Re: what would you do?
 

Splitting your day seems the best idea, but to me the main thing is talking with your wife about the idea, i'm sure she will agree.

Cheers and

Happy Christmas and all the best (also to everyone on the site) for 2018

Re: what would you do?
 

I spent last christmas in Blackburn Royal so can confirm MargaretP's comments -
food was crap (as usual)
god bothering carol singers were the only entertainment
reduced staff numbers who didn't want to be there gave joy to nobody
Best advice- provide her with a few good books to amuse herself with in the time you aren't there. The ultimate solution is for her to sleep the day away

Re: what would you do?
 

Some good, sound advice on here - not going to add anything that's much different except I get the feeling that you'd really rather stay with your wife for the day & I'm sure you're daughter will understand that perfectly.
At a time like this, don't compromise your own feelings to please anyone else - you've got enough on your plate at the moment without that extra pressure, I'm sure you're daughter & family are asking you to join them for the best of reasons but if it doesn't feel right, I wouldn't do it.

Re: what would you do?
 

My grateful thanks to all you good people for your comments & advice.

The good, no, GREAT, news is that, after having a procedure yesterday, the consultant is happy for Yvonne to come home tomorrow & have a few days break, returning in the new year to have the situation re-assessed!

Thanks again to you all, & have a happy Christmas, & a wonderful new year

Gerard

Re: what would you do?
 

That has made my day Gerard...it really has.
Enjoy your Christmas together...now you can BOTH go to daughters and enjoy the festivities.

Now organise yourself and get up the Stanley...have a pie and a pint and a yarn with the lads.
You have earned it, you deserve it and it will do you a power of good...specially if they win.
M x

Re: what would you do?
 

Thats great news, hope yeh both have a splendid Christmas, :)

Re: what would you do?
 

I think that I worked 27 out of the 29 Christmasses.
Yes staff numbers were less, but I actually enjoyed my Christmas mornings on the ward and tried to foster an atmosphere of happiness(made my staff bacon butties for breakfast)
The staff never worked a whole shift....we used to split the day so that everyone got some time with their family....and the family of staff used to be encouraged to visit the ward...have a mince pie, and a soft drink.
We always had a Jacob's join buffet....to which patients could help themselves.

Patients who could go home were allowed to do so...if only for the day, or in some cases a few hours.
This was deemed to be good for them.
Only those who either had no family, or were really too poorly to go home were kept in(invariably these were the patients with a slim grasp on life and didn't
care about grub or entertainment).
Anyway for Gerard and his wife the problem has melted away...she's coming home. Hallelujah!

Re: what would you do?
 

Good news - all the best to you & your family this Christmas �� (& if the lads don't get the 3 points for you, it'll be woe betide from me :)

Re: what would you do?
 

The best Christmas present you could wish for. All the best for 2018.

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That is really good news, have a wonderful day.

Re: what would you do?
 

That is wonderful news. You couldn't have wished for a better Christmas present. I hope you all have a wonderful day and that Yvonne's treatment in the New Year is successful and the rest of 2018 is a very happy healthy one for you both.

Re: what would you do?
 

That is great news. Here's wishing you a happy and joyful Christmas. Best wishes to you and to your wife - hope she makes a speedy recovery and enjoys good health again very soon.

By the way, let's spare a thought for all those who do have to work on Christmas Day for the benefit of the community. As a matter-of-fact three from my own family group will be doing just that (my oldest son will be working a 12 hour shift).

Re: what would you do?
 

When my mum was dying of cancer my dad was there day and night at the hospital... go see your wife

Re: what would you do?
 

i just read the rest of the thread... great news!