Crime and .... a mild rebuke?
 

I noticed at least 25 reported crimes in this weeks edition of the Observer. Ranging in severity from the usual mindless vandalism to multiple deaths in a care home and missing body parts. Plenty for our local heroes, Crime Czars Doug and Sandra, to sink their teeth into, one would think. Plenty of scope for tough decisions, knocking heads together and high impact crime solving, one would think. Loads of opportunities for photo opportunities with our dashing duo catching the crooks red handed and handing them over to the cops, one would think.

Which is what might happen in comic books. But on the mean streets of Hyndburn things are done differently it seems.

Doug Hayes, one half of our crime fighting duo, this week has weighed in against vandals who trashed a wooden fence at Rhyddings Methodist Church. Oooooh! What did he do? I hear you breathlessly ask. Errrrm, well, he made a statement.

" These youngsters are going round looking for trouble and just not learning. The problems continue so I will be checking with the Police about their response. It is really annoying, but good that residents are reporting these crimes."

And that is about it! But doesn't it make you all feel so much better to know that Crime Czar Doug cares so much that he is going to ask the police about their response? And doesn't it prove yet again that Good Old Doug is worth every penny he claims in allowances, even if the council has to borrow to pay them.

Re: Crime and .... a mild rebuke?
 

You missed something A-B
If the council would pay me I could tell them mind-blowing facts like that.

Re: Crime and .... a mild rebuke?
 

Yes, but you are not a Crime Czar, Willow. It wouldn't have the same impact.

Re: Crime and .... a mild rebuke?
 

drat!

back to the ironing board

Re: Crime and .... a mild rebuke?
 

How do you get to be a Crime Czar......is it paid well, and when will ther be another vacancy......because if you aren't applying Willow, I will! (I know you might be a bit busy with your impending nuptuals)

Re: Crime and .... a mild rebuke?
 

Re: Crime and .... a mild rebuke?
 

The qualifications for the job appear to be sycophancy, an ability to waffle ineffectually on demand, and a complete absence of any dress sense or style. I'm not sure that a prediliction for bondage is included in the job description, but it might make a diverting complement.

Good luck with the application girls!

P.S. If you get the job, I will still be chairman of the fan club, won't I?

Re: Crime and .... a mild rebuke?
 

Check my title here and you'll see that I've got one of those down to a fine art already. I'm working on one of the others. ;)

Re: Crime and .... a mild rebuke?
 

Ahh but can you waffle really Ineffectually,so that whatever you say states the blindingly obvious and offers sympathy but little or no remedy? Remember also that you have to wring your hands and wipe away crocodile tears at the same time.

Re: Crime and .... a mild rebuke?
 

Re: Crime and .... a mild rebuke?
 

Hmmm, I reckon I could have a go too. With a bit of practice I could master waffling ineffectually, I do have a slight problem with the dress sense as I'm way too stylish, but I guess I could dress down. The sycophancy may be a problem, I don't know if I could overcome that one. I'd give it a shot though, I have no morals and need the cash.:D

Count me in ladies, we could be the next Charlie's Angels you know....

Re: Crime and .... a mild rebuke?
 

Sycophancy.......is that a posh term for bum licking? Cannot be doing with that at all.
I think I could waffle, and like Willow I could always practice a bit to get it to a fine art.
And the answer to your Question A-B is .......of course......specially now you have this new sooper dooper new image! (which, if I haven't said before......I like it.....I like it a lot!)

Re: Crime and .... a mild rebuke?
 

Lettie...... I could just see us as Charlies Angels....... but A-B would have to be Charlie!

Re: Crime and .... a mild rebuke?
 

Thanks for the compliment Margaret, glad you like it, it's from a painting by a chap called Gerald Brom.

Hmmm, "A-Bob's Angels" it does have a certain ring to it, doesn't it.

Re: Crime and .... a mild rebuke?
 

Re job description, sycophancy etc. Doesn't that apply to all posts in HBC or am I missing the point?

Re: Crime and .... a mild rebuke?
 

Update

Not one to miss an opportunity to appear useful, Doddering Doug Hayes, our respected Crime Czar and local hero has muscled in on last weeks police crackdown on yobbish behaviour in Ossy and Spring Hill. He had this to say: "The public made a cry for help and I am pleased with the Police's response." How grand and imperious of him, I doubt that the late Queen Mother could have been more grand or condescending. Cleary he is taking this "Czar" lark a bit too far methinks.

It was revealed that during the Crackdown two off-licences were reported for selling alcohol to children, though exactly which ones they were was not mentioned. I wonder why?

The Crackdown, "Operation Extant", involved uniformed and plain clothes officers, police support officers, special constables, neighbourhood wardens and and the Operations Support Unit, all of whom "flooded" into Ossy town centre on Friday night. Before you get carried away with visions of massed ranks of baton wielding police officers rushing up Union Road arresting anything in sight..... there were 21 of them.

Ok, anything is better than nothing, and the police have said that they will be operating in this manner for the next few weeks. Sergeant Bob Eaton of Accrington police added: "We have been planning this response for some time."

So it was nothing to do with Doddering Doug then? Pity, that! But hardly surprising.

Doug Hayes, 106, was said to be under medication and responding to treatment.

Re: Crime and .... a mild rebuke?
 

NOW THAT IS A REAL SHAME.....................NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR DOUG
:s_sick: :s_sick: :s_sick: