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He has a face like a Saint - A Saint Bernard.


He loves nature - In spite of what it did to him.

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sorry i was wrong to call you a tw*t

tw*ts are usefull , you are not


hmm it wont let me type twits lol ;)

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When you die.....can i have the bone out of your nose......we're short of a coat hanger!

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ime sorry please forgive me i dont speak moron do you happen to know english

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ive met women on their period who are more co-operative than you

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Lady Astor once told Winston churchill that if she were married to him she would poison him........he told her that if he were married to her he would take the poison.

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Here's another one of Winston Churchill's famous retorts:

George Bernard Shaw: Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend - if you have one.
Churchill: Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend second - if there is one

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You couldn't organize an erection in a brothel.


Said by me to older men than me, of a working class Tory bent. :)

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there are many good reasons why brothers shouldnt shouldnt sleep with their sisters and your just one of them

Also Churchill - Nancy Astor said to him "Winston, if you were my husband I would put poison in your coffee"

WSC said "Nancy, if you were my wife, I would drink it".

Can't remember exactly who, but there was a parliamentary exchange in the 19 century:

"Sir, I am unsure whether you will die on the scaffold or of the pox!"

Response? -

"That, my Lord, depends on whether I embrace your Lordship's morals, or your Lordship's mistress!"

Nice one!

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Sorry - missed the Astor one earlier!

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Another parliamentary one. I've forgotten who said it though.

"You are educated beyond your intelligence."

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How about these 2; "You are a waste of a good skin" and "There is a village somewhere missing it's idiot"

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One more brain cell and you could 'av been a plant.

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Jean Harlow, on meeting Margot Asquith: "Hiya Margott".
Lady Asquith: "The 't' is silent, as in Harlow.

An Irish Academic received a Christmas Card from Gareth Fitzgerald, then the Irish Prime Minister. They didn'y get on, and so the card was returned with the following message: " I return your seasonal greetings with contempt. May your hypocritical words choke you. And may they choke you sooner in the New Year rather than later."