Insults
 

What’s your favourite insult or put-down? A couple of my favourites are political ones.

As Disraeli said of Gladstone “The man is like a telescope. You can pull him apart and see straight through him.”

Or there’s the exchange between Churchill and Bessie Braddock.

“Mr. Churchill, you’re drunk.”
“You madam are ugly. I shall be sober tomorrow.”

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Madam, until you entered, there was light at the end of the tunnel.

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Oliver Herford – A General Observation of the female mind.

"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often".

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Sorry always me theat lowers the tone but I like these :o lol!

Your as much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition
Your about as welcome as a fart in a telephone box

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Tinkerbelle Your about as welcome as a fart in a telephone box

Or an astronaut's suit.

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perhaps when i loose the use of my right hand i may consider going out with your friend





are you naturaly stupid or are you just doing it to wind me up


even god made mistakes your living proof af that

if walls could talk they would ask you to leave the room

your so ugly when you were born the midwife slapped your mother

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LMAO!!

Another one that I like

I'd like to leave you with one thought, but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!

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Madam, Every woman has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!

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hmm heres one to use for the police when caught speeding

police officer - ive been waiting here all day to catch speeders

yerself - thats why i got here as fast as i could officer

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She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and forgotten to say when.

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does it not smell having your a$$hole only 2cm under your nose

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its simply a case of mind over matter

i dont mind because you dont matter

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Your as much use as a chocolate fire guard.

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If wit was sh't you would be constipated.

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I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

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Why don't you put your heads together and make a shed

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never mistake me for somebody that gives a sh*t.

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Are you talking to me? or chewing a brick.......because your teeth will end up a mess which ever one!!

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I changed my signature a few days ago. Does that count as an insult?

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"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot".
................................................

"Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is George Bush."
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"Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own "

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grow your own dope , plant a man!!:D

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She looks just like Jack Palance! That was a bloke I once worked with discribe his missus!:D

!

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pmsl...some really good ones me being as nice as I am never insult anyone......tralalalala....

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people say your not fit to eat with the pigs but i stuck up for you and told them that you are

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You are as ugly as a hatfull of ar**holes!

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I've seen better hair on bacon.

Get back in't Cheese......they're a maggot short.

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He has a face like a Saint - A Saint Bernard.


He loves nature - In spite of what it did to him.

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sorry i was wrong to call you a tw*t

tw*ts are usefull , you are not


hmm it wont let me type twits lol ;)

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When you die.....can i have the bone out of your nose......we're short of a coat hanger!

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ime sorry please forgive me i dont speak moron do you happen to know english

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ive met women on their period who are more co-operative than you

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Lady Astor once told Winston churchill that if she were married to him she would poison him........he told her that if he were married to her he would take the poison.

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Here's another one of Winston Churchill's famous retorts:

George Bernard Shaw: Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend - if you have one.
Churchill: Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend second - if there is one

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You couldn't organize an erection in a brothel.


Said by me to older men than me, of a working class Tory bent. :)

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there are many good reasons why brothers shouldnt shouldnt sleep with their sisters and your just one of them

Also Churchill - Nancy Astor said to him "Winston, if you were my husband I would put poison in your coffee"

WSC said "Nancy, if you were my wife, I would drink it".

Can't remember exactly who, but there was a parliamentary exchange in the 19 century:

"Sir, I am unsure whether you will die on the scaffold or of the pox!"

Response? -

"That, my Lord, depends on whether I embrace your Lordship's morals, or your Lordship's mistress!"

Nice one!

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Sorry - missed the Astor one earlier!

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Another parliamentary one. I've forgotten who said it though.

"You are educated beyond your intelligence."

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How about these 2; "You are a waste of a good skin" and "There is a village somewhere missing it's idiot"

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One more brain cell and you could 'av been a plant.

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Jean Harlow, on meeting Margot Asquith: "Hiya Margott".
Lady Asquith: "The 't' is silent, as in Harlow.

An Irish Academic received a Christmas Card from Gareth Fitzgerald, then the Irish Prime Minister. They didn'y get on, and so the card was returned with the following message: " I return your seasonal greetings with contempt. May your hypocritical words choke you. And may they choke you sooner in the New Year rather than later."

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Winston Churchill of Clement Attlee: "A modest little person, with much to be modest about."

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That was between the Earl of Sandwich and John Wilkes.

I love this one:


"She plunged into a sea of platitudes, and with the powerful breast stroke of a channel swimmer, made her confident way towards the white cliffs of the obvious."
(Somerset Maugham but no idea who he was talking about

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Slit your wrists - it will lower your blood pressure.:p

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You are about as useful as a windshield wiper on a goat's ass.

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Panther I love that last one......gave me a real giggle. I will be using that from now on!