Accrington Web - Isn't English a Funny Language

I was sent the following today and it struck me how complicated the English Language is!
Most of us learnt at an early age how to cope with the irregularities of our language, some cannot cope now even as adults - but 11/10 for all those from abroad that have mastered it as a second language - God knows how!:confused:

Poems showing the absurdities of English spelling.

I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you,
On hiccough, thorough, lough and through?
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps,
To learn of less familiar traps?
Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird,
And dead: it's said like bed, not bead -
For goodness sake don't call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat
(They rhyme with suite and straight and debt). A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth in brother,
And here is not a match for there
Nor dear and fear for bear and pear,
And then there's dose and rose and lose -
Just look them up - and goose and choose,
And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword,
And do and go and thwart and cart -
Come, come, I've hardly made a start!
A dreadful language? Man alive!
I'd mastered it when I was five!

Our Strange Lingo

When the English tongue we speak.
Why is break not rhymed with freak?
Will you tell me why it's true
We say sew but likewise few?
And the maker of the verse,
Cannot rhyme his horse with worse?
Beard is not the same as heard
Cord is different from word.
Cow is cow but low is low
Shoe is never rhymed with foe.
Think of hose, dose,and lose And think of goose and yet with choose
Think of comb, tomb and bomb,
Doll and roll or home and some.
Since pay is rhymed with say
Why not paid with said I pray?
Think of blood, food and good.
Mould is not pronounced like could.
Wherefore done, but gone and lone -
Is there any reason known?
To sum up all, it seems to me
Sound and letters don't agree.

Phoney Phonetics.

One reason why I cannot spell,
Although I learned the rules quite well
Is that some words like 'coup' and 'through'
Sound just like 'threw' and 'flue' and 'who';
When 'oo' is never spelled the same,
The 'juice' becomes a guessing game;
And then I ponder over 'though',
Is it spelled 'so', or 'throw', or 'bow',
I mean the 'bow' that sounds like 'plow',
And not the 'bow' that sounds like 'row' -
The 'row' that is pronounced like 'roe'.
I wonder, too, why 'rough' and 'tough',
That sound the same as 'gruff' and 'muff',
Are spelled like 'bough' and 'though', for they
Are both pronounced a different way.
And why can't I spell 'trough' and 'cough'
The same as I do 'scoff' and 'golf'? Why isn't 'drought' spelled just like 'route',
or 'doubt' or 'pout' or 'sauerkraut'?
When words all sound so much the same
To change the spelling seems a shame.
There is no sense - see sound like cents -
in making such a difference
Between the sight and sound of words;
Each spelling rule that undergirds
The way a word should look will fail
And often prove to no avail
Because exceptions will negate
The truth of what the rule may state;
So though I try, I still despair
And moan and mutter "It's not fair
That I'm held up to ridicule
And made to look like such a fool".
WHY ENGLISH IS SO HARD TO LEARN
We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
This was a good time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in my clothes I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I read it once and will read it agen
I learned much from this learned treatise.
I was content to note the content of the message.
The Blessed Virgin blessed her. Blessed her richly.
It's a bit wicked to over-trim a short wicked candle.
If he will absent himself we mark him absent.
I incline toward bypassing the incline.

Its almost embarassing to be English:o