Accrington Web - Sportsmanship

Out on her royal yacht the Queen was enjoying the sea air when she spied a man in the water off the port bow - clearly being menaced by a very large shark. Through her binoculars she could see it was Christian Ronaldo, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 20 foot shark! The Queen ordered the captain to change course to try and save the poor man, but she knew the yacht's top speed would never get them there in time.

At that exact moment a speedboat containing three men wearing white England shirts sped into view. One of the men took aim at the shark and fired a harpoon into its ribs, immobilising it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled Ronaldo from the water and, using long clubs, beat the shark to death. They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious Ronaldo into the speedboat along with the dead shark and prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic calling .......

It was the Queen calling them to the yacht. On reaching the men's yacht, the Queen went into raptures about the rescue and said, "I'll give you all a knighthood for your brave actions. I thought the England team would hate Ronaldo after the World Cup. But I see that the England team are true heroes and should serve as a model for sportsmanship to other countries." She knighted them and sailed away.

As she departed Rooney asked Beckham and Lampard, "Who was that?!"

"That," Beckham answered, "was our Queen. She rules the Commonwealth and knows everything about our country."

"Well," Rooney replied, "she knows stuff all about shark fishing.. How's the bait holding up Frank?"