poets corner
 

thought id try a different subject

anyone got any poems, anything at all lets see how we go............ ;D


SPRING
Spring is here with april showers
Trees in bud, the early flowers
Daffodils, tulips, crocus too
Snowdrops, primrose and pansy's blue

SUMMER
Summers here its hot july
The burning sun, the deep blue sky
Melting ice cream in your hand
Burning feet upon the sand

AUTUMN
Autumn's here the september breeze
Concers falling from the trees
Leaves are blowing down the street
Crunching up beneath your feet

WINTER
Winter is here the bleak december
This is the time to remember
The drifting snow, the long cold nights
Icy ponds and snowball fights

Re: poets corner
 

Pigs.

Two little pigs to market went
Their names were Paul and Patience.
They both were sold and both were sent
To different destinations.

As the two were dragged apart,
Paul said in soothing tones,
'Don't cry we'll meet again sweetheart'
I feel it in my bones.

They did meet at an early date,
He hadn't been mistaken.
Paul was the sausage on my plate
And Patience was the bacon.


Thought that poem was great as a kid and never forgot it. It was taught to me by an old lady who lived on Marlborough Rd, she is sadly long deceased, but used to write poetry for kids and teach elocution, and her poems were great. :D

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                        I PROMISE

Your touch so soft,
Your voice so gentle,
Your hands so smooth,
Your heart so true,
Your face so tender...
To your love that's so new
I shall not regret the times we have shared,
Or the times that we have to come,
For in the end, I know you'll always care.
I see that you're easy to break,
And I will be careful with the choices I make.

I hope you know I will never hurt you,
Never lie, never betray you.
I'm not like the others,
Who say they'll be there, and never show up,
Not like the others who say they care, but really don't.
You'll alaways be a part of me, I'll always be there.
I promise.

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The soft white flakes fell to the ground
And as they did there was no sound
No time at all the streets were white
A cold and frosty winters night

The frail old lady sat in her chair
Visible only her thin grey hair
Around her body, to keep her warm
A blanket so tatterd, so thin and torn

In a heap next to the door
Her mail collected on the floor
To frail to venture from her chair
Too cold to move she just sat there

As time passed by more weak she got
The bottle she held once was hot
Her hands so cold, her lips so blue
Later it got and nobody knew

She closed her eyes and went to sleep
Her mail still sitting in a heap
The morning arrived, she wernt aware
For that night she had died in her chair

Re: poets corner
 

Very poignant poem, happens to so many people in winter.

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This one rings true.... :D


Last night as I lay sleeping
I died, or so it seemed
Then I went to heaven
but only in my dream

Up there St. Peter met me
Standing at the pearly gates
He said 'I must check your record
Please stand here and wait'

He turned and said ' your record
is filled with terrible flaws'
On earth I see you rallied
For every losing cause'

I see that you drank alcohol
and smoked and used drugs too,
Fact is, you've done everything
a good person should never do.

We can't have people like you up here
Your life was full of sin
Then he read the last of my record
Took my hand and said "come in"

He led my up to the big boss and said
Take her in and treat her well
She used to work for the NHS
She's done her time in hell........ :)

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There was a young girl from Leeds
who swollowed a packet of seeds
it soon came to pass she was covered in grass and could not sit down for the weeds

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There was a young man from Cosham,
Who took out his b****cks to wash 'em.
His mother said, "Jack,
If you don't put 'em back,
I'll jump on the b*ggers and squash 'em." :D


Tell us another one,
Just like the other one.
Tell us another one, do...

Re: poets corner
 

I found this little ditty whilst trawling through a jokes website. I thought you might like to read it. :)


Morning Poem


I woke early one morning, the earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird perched on my window sill.

He sang a song so lovely, so carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles began to slip away.

He sang of far off places, of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling brought up the morning sun.

I stirred beneath the covers, crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window and crushed his f***ing head. :eek:

I'm not a morning person. :p

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There was a young woman from Hitchen
Who was scratching her crotch in the kitchen
Her mother said "Rose! it's the crabs I suppose"
She said "yes but the b*ggers are itchin" :D

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You get better and better sparky.

:wave8:

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There was a young man from Wood Green,
Who tried to fart 'God save the Queen.'
But when he reached the soprano,
He shot his guano,
And his breeches weren't fit to be seen.

Tell us another one,
Just like the other one.
Tell us another one, do...

Re: poets corner
 

There was a poor man named Crocket,
Whose b@lls got caught in a socket.
His wife was a bitch,
So she flicked on the switch,
And crocket took off like a rocket!

Tell us another one,
Just like the other one.
Tell us another one, do...

Re: poets corner
 

This little ditty has just been gifted to me..... Thanks!!!!!

There was a young girl called Alice,
Who used dynamite as a phallus.
They found her vagina,
In North Carolina.
An the rest of her womb up near Dallas. :o

Re: poets corner
 

Big-up-respect Lettie. Boyakasha! :mosher:

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there was a young man from china
who was'nt a very good climber
he went up a hill
and now hes got a vagina

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Mary had a little lamb...

She got three years for beastiality, and two years for corrupting a minor... :tongue8:

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Mary had a little lamb
she tied it to a pylon
12,000 volts shot up its bum
and turned it's wool to nylon

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Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now Mary takes the lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread.

Mary had a little watch,
She kept it in her garter.
And when the boys asked her the time,
She knew what they were after.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pale of water
Stupid Jill forgot her pill
Now they have a daughter

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There was a copper from punction
who could not get is organ to function
for a year or two he had to make do
with some spit on the end of is trunchion.

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She was only a colonels daughter but..........

she what reggie ment!

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was black as charcoal
Every time it jumped the fence
You could see its little a*sehole

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Jack and Jill Went up the hill
to smoke some marijuanna.
Jack got high and dropped his fly
and said, "jill, do you wanna?"

Jill said yes and dropped her dress
and then they had some fun.
but silly Jill forgot the Pill
and now they have a son!

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There was a young vampire called Mabel,
Whose periods were heavy but stable.
So every full moon,
She pulled out a spoon,
And drank herself under the table. :eek:

Tell us another one,
Just like the ther one.
Tell us another one, do...

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Jack stood on the burning deck,
Eating red-hot scallops.
He dropped one down his trouser leg,
It burnt him on his...




...wait for it...




FOOT! :D

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The boy stood on the burning deck
with a box of crackers,
one fell down his trouser leg and blow off
half his kneecap

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Swimming in the swimming pool
is where I like to "B,"
wearing underwater goggles
so that I can "C."
Yesterday, before I swam,
I drank a cup of "T."
Now the pool's a "swimming ool"
because I took a "P."

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My uncle had a budgie
He thought it was a rat
He dipped it in the mustard
And fed it to the cat

:idunno:

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:lol: Good one Len. I bet the puddy-tat suffered from ring-sting the day after :p

Re: poets corner
 

The Redneck Love Poem .......

Susie Lee Done Fell In Love;
She Planned To Marry Joe.
She Was So Happy 'bout It All
She Told Her Pappy So.

Pappy Told Her, Susie Gal,
You'll Have To Find Another.
I'd Just As Soon Yo' Ma Don't Know,
But Joe Is Yo' Half Brother.

So Susie Put Aside Her Joe
And Planned To Marry Will,
But After Telling Pappy This,
He Said, "there's Trouble Still.

You Can't Marry Will, My Gal,
And Please Don't Tell You' Mother,
But Will And Joe, And Several Mo'
I Know Is Yo' Half Brother.

But Mama Knew And Said, My Child,
Just Do What Makes Yo' Happy.
Marry Will Or Marry Joe.
You Ain't No Kin To Pappy.

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Ode to a Potty Break.


I sit so quietly in class
Until I feel this pain of gas
Which stabs intestines large and small;
I hope there is an empty stall!

Or I could be in bed at nine
And dreaming of a girl so fine,
Then I awake; a siren wails
From in my gut and my entrails.

In either case, I must agree
I always have to poop and pee.
But why? For now, I'll contemplate
And urinate and defecate.

If I can just ignore the smell,
I'll try my best to do them well.
Now to avoid those accidents,
Pull down your pants, you gals and gents.

Unsnap the top, unzip the fly,
And let them fall down past your thigh,
And plant your butt cheeks on the seat,
And . .OH MY WORD! My heart is weak.

This seat's an iceberg, minus ten!
As cold as liquid nitrogen!
This morning cold is just the worst.
At least I get to use it first!

Hey, read this writing on the wall
This guy's a homosexual
Who's asking others for some sex
I'll write the number of my ex!

And now here comes the easy part:
You must fire off a warning fart
To let them know the bombs will fall!
Forget about the other stall.

Let Nature do the rest--sit back!
Let the waste fall out your crack!
It's fecal matter; Hey, good-bye,
Exit out my bottom eye.

But since I'm here, I might as well
Excrete my urine, what the hell!
It takes one minute for a ****,
But just be sure that you don't miss.

Don't hit the walls or hit the doors
The janitors hate yellow floors.
Now get your strength back; you'll be strong,
When all that stress and strain is gone.

You'll have to wipe your fundament
And clean the excess excrement
Just use that roll of little towels
Protects your hands and cleans your bowels....

Unless the stuff's just too damn soft,
And rips so easily enough
That fingers go right straight on through,
Then my poor hand gets smeared with doo!

I want some stuff that's strong and fair,
That lets me know that it was there
A couple hours after use,
So nothing gets left hanging loose.

Yes, toilet paper--that's the stuff!
And I sure hope I have enough!
For one wipe, two wipes, three wipes, four,
And five wipes, six wipes, seven, more.

Now push the handle; it goes down
Into the sewer underground,
To give the sewer rats a treat.
It's good enough for them to eat!

Or it will help the grass to rise.
But now it's time to zip my flies
Do up my pants, connect my belt
I must admit, I haven't felt.

So good as this time yesterday.
I also did the 'bombs away!'
Now some clean people wash their hands,
But me? Hell no! I'll take the chance.

I must rush off to get some lunch
Some finger food that I can munch.
Oh crap! My ode is almost done!
The time sure flies when you have fun!

I hope you loved my words so true
About a thing we all must do.
And if you feel embitterment,
Just leave the room and take your SH*T!

Re: poets corner
 

Thats just right for you too sparkie!!!!!!

Re: poets corner
 

Just what ARE you saying??? :confused:

Re: poets corner
 

Dammmm Sparky, some days you sit and think, and some days you sit and stink, LOL. Here's a couple short limericks:

1.
There was a young man named lancelot
Whom the townsfolk all looked upon askance a lot
For whenever he'd pass
A presentable lass
The front of his pants would advance a lot

2.
There once was a priest named Clerier
Who felt not one bit inferior
He did to a nun
What he shouldn't have done
And now she's a mother superior

Re: poets corner
 

Poor 'ickle baa-lamb....


Mary had a little lamb
Her wool was white and whispy
But then she caught the foot and mouth
And now its black and crispy


All together now, ahhh :D

Re: poets corner
 

On a similar theme...


"Mary had a little lamb
she called it little Ralph
But now its burning in a field
because of foot and mouth"


You thought that Mary would've realised first time round just how contagious foot and mouth was :rolleyes:

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Your teeth are like the stars he said, and pressed her hand so white,
He spoke the truth for like the stars, her teeth came out at night........ :bigglasse

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I wish I was a chest nut tree

All nourished by the sun

With leaves and twigs and branches

And conkers by the ton

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I wish I was a caterpillar,
Life would be a gas,
I'd climb up all the flowers and trees,
And slide down on my..............hands and knees!

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I wish i was a ciggarette
rolled up nice and neat
so everytime you take a drag
ur lips and mine would met

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Oh moon above shining bright
Your beam indeed a welcome sight
Are you coming out tomorrow night ?.

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Santa's Poem

T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was p*ssed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works.
I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night
The elves want more money - The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter
They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money?
And the kids these days - they all are the pits
They want the impossible ...Those mean little sh*ts
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's - No request for them
They want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM!
Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job...there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment
There's no Christmas this year...now you know the reason
I found me a blonde.. I'm going SOUTH for the season!! http://www.luxweb.co.uk/~accringt/fo...es/biggrin.gif

Re: poets corner
 

Why Computers Sometimes Crash by Dr Seuss

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port
and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort
and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash
and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang
'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.

When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk
and the macro code instructions is causing unnecessary risk
then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM
and then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom! :D

Re: poets corner
 

There was a young man from Belgrade
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said "I admit
I'm a bit of a ****
But think of the money I save!"

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A seasonal poem ;)

He laid her on the table,
So clean, so white, so bare.
His forehead wet, with beads of sweat,
He touched her here and there.

He touched her neck, and then her breast;
Then drooling, felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.

The hole was wide, he looked inside,
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms,
And then he stuffed the turkey!


May I be the first to wish you all a Merry Christmas, you mucky minded ......... :D

I would like to thank my usual source for that literary gem. ;)

Re: poets corner
 

I wish i was a little grub
with whiskers on my tummy
I would dive into the honey jar
and make my tummy ,gummy
anonymous