Accrington Web - Administratium

Administratium

A major research institution recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named “Administratium.”

Administratium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes a single reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay, but, instead, undergoes a reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Administratium’s mass actually increases over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This moron-promoting characteristic has lead some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as “Critical Morass.” You’ll know it when you see it......