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Less	02-05-2007 11:48

accyweb Problem Page

Dear Auntie accyweb,
I have a problem, I have been a single man for over five years now and although I have known this lady for quite some time, nothing actually happened between us for a while. Then, much to the surprise and relief of both her and my friends we started going to the pub together. Last week she offered to come around to my house and cook me a meal, not only did she cook but every course was taken away and replaced by something even more exquisite, I was in heaven. After the meal and spending an hour and a half in my kitchen washing up and tidying, she came to join me in the lounge, now I don’t know if it was the wine or perhaps the music, but she suddenly gripped my tie and threw it into a corner and then unbuttoned the top of my shirt.

As she was stroking my two chest hairs she looked up coyly at me and in a soft purring voice asked, “is there anything else I can do for you?”. Well I’m a man and I’ve got a mans feelings and a mans needs so I immediately said, “yes, this carpet could do with a good Hoovering it hasn’t been touched for some time, you’ll find the stuff under the stairs, try not to make too much noise though because I’m going to bed”.

This my dear Auntie Accyweb, is where I need your advice, she must have let herself out during the night and every time I ring her she refuses to answer the ‘phone which is a bit disappointing because I spent Sunday morning sorting out all my shirts that need buttons sowing on and it would be a shame to put them away if I can get her to come over with a needle and cotton,

Yours truly,

Less, (The new Man).

http://my.opera.com/zenya/homes/blog/men.jpg

lancsdave

02-05-2007 11:52

Re: accyweb Problem Page

You clearly have no idea how to win a woman's heart. The next time you buy a vacuum you have to let them choose the model. The wrong colour of vacuum cleaner is a massive turnoff for women :rolleyes:

accymel

02-05-2007 11:56

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Dear the new man less,

I think there must of been a misunderstanding of communication here & u missed out on a bit of night time action too ;) cos maybe thats what she had in mind not as a literal maid service for free. Give a man an inch he'll pull it a mile ;) Learn to sew or buy new :D

:rofl38:

Btw great thread idea hehehehehe

accymel

02-05-2007 12:00

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Quote:

Originally Posted by lancsdave (Post 418405)

You clearly have no idea how to win a woman's heart. The next time you buy a vacuum you have to let them choose the model. The wrong colour of vacuum cleaner is a massive turnoff for women :rolleyes:

How do u know that:rolleyes: most household appliances are a turnoff for women whatever the colour - well except the washer that has its thrills on 1200 RPM full spin;)

lancsdave

02-05-2007 12:03

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Quote:

Originally Posted by accymel (Post 418407)

Give a man an inch he'll pull it a mile

Blimey that is some achievement :D

accymel

02-05-2007 12:04

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Quote:

Originally Posted by lancsdave (Post 418412)

Blimey that is some achievement :D

It is if its a women mile not a man mile:rolleyes: :D

SPUGGIE J

02-05-2007 12:08

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Quote:

Originally Posted by accymel (Post 418407)

Give a man an inch he'll pull it a mile ;) Learn to sew or buy new :D

What happens if he is hungover when trying to sew? To say it would be wonky is an understatement.

Where would you get a new one as I thought it was one for life same as a dog. :confused:

Nice one Less just the tonic for mid week blues. :D

accymel

02-05-2007 12:14

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Quote:

Originally Posted by SPUGGIE J (Post 418414)

:rofl38: well he should do it when sober [if at all poss] or just buy many shirts & hope for the best - cheaper sometimes than actually sewing:rolleyes: :D

We aint here just to service u boys y'know:D how do u think us girlies manage doing everything ourselves anyway :rolleyes:

yerself

02-05-2007 12:16

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Reminds me of the old joke.
Q: Why do most women get married in white?
A: Because that's the colour of most domestic appliances.

accymel

02-05-2007 12:18

Re: accyweb Problem Page

:rofl38: yerself

:eek: me thinks im a bit outnumbered here on this male topic:do-one:

All well i'll take u all on then:type: :whack: :rofl38:

Less	02-05-2007 12:21

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Quote:

Originally Posted by accymel (Post 418420)

:rofl38: yerself

:eek: me thinks im a bit outnumbered here on this male topic

It seems to have you in stitches which is more than can be said for my shirt buttons!
:mad:

accymel

02-05-2007 12:22

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Quote:

Originally Posted by Less (Post 418421)

It seems to have you in stitches which is more than can be said for my shirt buttons!
:mad:

:rofl38: yep i like male psychology hehehehehe

Im not touching your shirt buttons:eek: :p :D

Less	02-05-2007 18:16

Re: accyweb Problem Page

All is well, she rang me earlier and told me we had such a wonderful time, that she would like to see me again and can I bring my gardening/decorating/D.I.Y tools around to her place Friday night and we can make it a long week-end!
:cool:

lancsdave

02-05-2007 18:22

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Quote:

Originally Posted by Less (Post 418536)

It's a trap. she wants to borrow your tools :eek:

lettie

02-05-2007 18:54

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Dear Less,

Your problem is not uncommon and you will be pleased to hear that it is easily and cheaply fixed. When you next visit your ladyfriend, take your gardening equipment and tools (don't forget your hose) ;) :D Also take your buttonless shirts and kill 2 birds with one stone.

Less	02-05-2007 19:03

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Quote:

Originally Posted by lettie (Post 418558)

Dear Less,

(don't forget your hose) ;) :D

Thank you for that advice Lettie, I shall act upon it but one embarrassing thought that springs to mind is that because she has lived on her own for some time now will she be able to put up with my sprinkler in the bathroom? :eek:

grego

02-05-2007 19:09

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Dont forget to put the seat down, or if you wee on the seat dont forget to wipe it:D

accymel

02-05-2007 19:33

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Quote:

Originally Posted by Less (Post 418536)

Awwww she seen what your upto & is after same agreement dont forget your tools to impress her hehehehehe u might get lucky & have a few buttons on yer shirt whilst being taken off :eek: :D

greenman8

12-05-2007 11:24

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Quote:

Originally Posted by accymel (Post 418408)

How do u know that:rolleyes: most household appliances are a turnoff for women whatever the colour - well except the washer that has its thrills on 1200 RPM full spin;)

Mine's a 1400............heh heh!:Banane34:

mallard

12-05-2007 11:46

Re: accyweb Problem Page

If that, you on the chair i think you will be on your own for a long time but they will be some one some were don,t give up

Less	13-01-2012 13:01

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Well, I got a suprise when I opened my emails this morning.

A member of AccyWeb got in touch with me after reading this thread, (obviously thought that I'm an agony Uncle):-

(I have changed their name to avoid embarassment & extract the urine).

Quote:

Dear Unka' Less,
My best girl has left me because I chew my toe nails in bed, what can I do?

Dear trogledite,
have you considered, investing in a pvc inflatable girl friend?
If your nails are that well trimmed you have no worries about punctures.
:alright:

Eric	13-01-2012 15:03

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Quote:

Originally Posted by grego (Post 418569)

Dont forget to put the seat down, or if you wee on the seat dont forget to wipe it:D

Really!!! A novel idea, but I can't see it catching on:D

Gordon Booth

13-01-2012 15:13

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Well, trogledite, why don't you offer to chew her toe nails in bed?
You never know, perhaps she just felt neglected!

jaysay

13-01-2012 18:09

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Quote:

Originally Posted by Less (Post 962195)

Well, I got a surprise when I opened my emails this morning.

A member of AccyWeb got in touch with me after reading this thread, (obviously thought that I'm an agony Uncle):-

(I have changed their name to avoid embarassment & extract the urine).

Dear trogledite,
have you considered, investing in a pvc inflatable girl friend?
If your nails are that well trimmed you have no worries about punctures.
:alright:

I know a bloke who had one of them less, he was getting all amorous and he gave it a love bite and in burst, a bit put out about this he took it back to the shop and says to the manager hey this doll went down on me, the looks ans says um If I'd have know that I'd have charged you another tenner:D

Eric	13-01-2012 18:54

Re: accyweb Problem Page

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaysay (Post 962253)

:rofl38::rofl38::rofl38:

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