Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

Our Roving reporter can now claim an unbiased exclusive*

After Accusations from a Blur Petey Executive, a potential Labour Councillor admits to memory loss due to excessive Drinking.

Straight from an unknown source we will call aggroweb we can publish these revelations:-

When asked by our intrepid reporter,


So far the wannabe Councillor has refused to comment Less claims, (not allowing the fact that the alleged Alcoholic has yet to sign in for him to be able to reply get in the way of a potential Nationwide scandal).

Are there no depths to which the local press will stoop in attacking Labour? Would have been the unbiased question from Jaysay our tame Tory, had I bothered to ask him.

This article would have gone on for another few pages except that our never resting reporter is getting ready for another soul searching exclusive.



*He must be unbiased he hates everyone.

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

I feel like a patsy.

:D

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

Sorry, typo.

I feel like a pastie.

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

Either version is close enough for our Editorial staff, your hired.

We have just the right storyline for you, How do you feel about doing an Exclusive about a Queer bashing man of the cloth who's holy orders seem to have become a tangled mess of messages, they have now drawn him into the even more fantasy laden world of Politics?

:cool:

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

It's good to see there is still some good local investigative journalism, but the layout seems a little old fashioned, if I might dare say.

Readers today today like photographs, to accompany the text.

You could have inserted one, after the 'refused to comment'.

http://thedarkcyde.net/gallery/album...olic_blank.jpg

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

I have some professional and moral standards, and I'm not willing to take part in any plans to bash the Bishop, local or not.

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

Strange, I thought, given the possibilities, he could have been right up your alley!
:eek:

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

Before I sign my contract, which would prevent me from entering, could I give you my entries for glasses wearer of the year, and the bonny baby competitions, please?

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

Well, I'd love to stay and chat but I've got an exclusive to make up and there is a certain pervayor, (damn that spell checker I KNOW WHAT I MEAN, if I'd wanted to say purveyor I would have typed seller), of ales that I hope to go under-cover with.
;)

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

Besides my moral stance not to partake, I fear any bashing might be enjoyed by the victim, which is another reason I will have to decline covering the story.

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

Just a quick tip, if you do come across a storyline you think will make us a few pennies and at the same time a fortune for our Barrister, with claims against us for Libel.

The cry is no longer 'stop the Press'.

We are computerised now, you must email us with:-

'Crash the Windows!'

I'll leave you in charge until I get back.
:)

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

Well, rindy, I have another exclusive for you to investigate, I know you will be up to it,

STD's How do you tell your loved one? (Oop's perhaps I shouldn't have put that on the www).

I'm itching to know, I will of course pass any comments from other would be reporters to our Hiegenist, erm' Ex spurt, Doctor, in complete publicy, just to find out what other dirty beggars besides me are out there.

I will of course follow the Lanc's Telegraph & the good old Obbo's tradition of naming my source as:-


Heaven forbid, they get enough publicity out of us, why, Oh, Why, when we feed them the lines, can't they aknowledge we exist?

Easy to copy and paste:-

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

Is this Ken Moss? It's always nice to know what the new members look like.

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

That's Red Ken.

(Red after his rosaria, not his politics.)

:D

I do hope we're in for a virtual slap, for not showing enough reverence, to those seeking political office.

:D

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

A nice bit of investigative journalism going on here. If you had bothered to check your facts you would find I was suffering from Beardus Elongata at the time and the most commonly used remedy was Special Brew. Unfortunately, the local apothecary could only supply me with a palliative known as 'cabernet sauvignon'.

This thread is typical of the gutter press we prospective candidates can expect these days in simply trying to serve our country.

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

Oi!

You're not meant to have a sense of humour, but are supposed to stamp your feet, and shout that you're being picked on.

Come on, play the political game Ken.

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

Erm....it's those pesky Tories again?

Karen Buckley?

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

All together now, Children...

Oh, no it isn't!

Sorry what was that? I can't hear you.

Oh, no it isn't!

Now, Now, Kiddies if you want a free orange and a black eye from the boiled sweets I'll throw, this time with Gusto!

Oh, no it isn't!

You see, Politics is only a good old fashioned farce, what our readers expect and get is the traditional British,

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

Someone's just asking for the incredible rudeness to be increased, until they're forced to cry foul, and have a little sulk, and cry that life's just not bloomin' fair, when things don't go your way.

:D

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

Andrewb! Andrewb! I am being cruelly harangued!

A pox on this thin skin of mine, and me with political intentions too.

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

Phew.

Thank goodness. I thought you'd never crack.

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

Less, stands thumb in mouth alternately placing the weight from one foot t' tother as if about to wet himself and murmurs, "Even in a satirical thread is there no rest from all this political hype?".

:(

Re: Shock Horror Exclusive, Drunken Nights Of Labour Candidate
 

Just enjoy the moment.

I thought we were going have to do that Benny Hill, slappy head thing, before he gave in to the cruel, bullying jibes.

He's ruined now.

Who's going to vote for anyone with even the smallest sense of humour?

Victory is ours.