Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

One of the most depressing things about being 'between jobs' isn't the lack of money, it isn't even the long hours we have to put in doing nowt.
To bring a little relief from the boredem we can always turn on the telly and watch a B&W WWII film on one of the many channels freeview has to offer, but then if we do that we are constantly bombarded about the plight of the snow leapoard, the cruelty people all over the world commit to donkeys, the poor little mite that is starving to death somewhere in Africa because the crops have failed because Daddy is of fighting a Civil War somewhere. We also have on our conscience the Cancer research that needs to be done to save the Nation, Oh and lets not forget those wonderful Macmillan Nurses.

All of the above and so many more are worthy causes all hoping we will go into overdraft mode to support them.

Well, for those of you with busy lives that are fortunate enough to be busy during the day here's your chance to join in:-

This is an appeal for Less, Less is on the dole, it isn't his choice. Less and many others like him have been neglected throughout their lives by a variety of Governments. The reason for this is it's easier to make scapegoats out of the unemployed than it is to invest in real jobs.
We all know we can't find Less a job there aren't any out there, but if we all just paid £3.00 a month to him, (or indeed just a one off payment of any amount you can afford) we can raise his financial position so that he no longer appears in the Unemployment statistics, Less is too proud to ask you himself but with your generosity you can all make an old man with no future prospects in the job market extremely happy.
One day you too could be forced into a position where afternoon T.V. may seem to be all that there is, we hope this doesn't happen before senility hits thus making such living more bearable.

Remember, give a man a pint and he will still have to go home early, give him enough to buy a brewery and he can stay out watching Sky Sports.

Thank you.

(Less is at the moment sponsored by the Government but with your help could once again enjoy FREEDOM).
http://www.accringtonweb.com/forum/a...9&d=1347453622

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Nearly.

I was almost moved to get out my peggy purse.

Have you no photographs, looking doe-eyed, or even rubbing your belly, as if in hunger?

Black and white ones, and I feel the money's as good as your's, if you just up your appeal's appeal slightly.

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

If you can't successfully compete with Barnardo's, I'll probably just send off for another of Parky's guaranteed savings plan, so I can get another free pen.

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

I once sent £3.00 to Barnado's, a week later a knock came on my door and there was this sweet little orphan child with a label attached through his holey T-shirt, It read, "If you think you can feed him on £3.00 a month he's yours!".
:eek:

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

:rofl38::rofl38::rofl38:

Luckily li'l Royski was worth nearly every penny of that three quid.

:p

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

I already support this charity and upto date have given .......50 pints of john smiths:D:p

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Some of Thora Hird's greatest work used to be shown in the afternoons.

No once since has rode a Stannah Stairlift quite like Dame Thora.

Or indeed sat in a dolly bath, with a little door in the side, for ease of access.

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Thank goodness maths isn't your strong point, I think you would be quite shocked if you knew the real total.

By the way, if you have a good accountant he'll be writing it off against your tax.
:p

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

How do you think i could afford the trip to Amsterdam :D
i had to go there to see my bank manager :p
You thought i went into that jewelry shop to buy pressies for Anne and Lynn NO i went in to change money for diamonds to smuggle back
and what did you think you was bringing back:D

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

I wasn't sure, but fortunately I wasn't searched, because the package slipped out and ended up in my underpants!


:o

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Yes i noticed that through the whole in your jeans
good job you wasn't searched or you would not be in the railway today
its also a good job that dog was looking for drugs and money not Diamonds

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

The bulge you saw wasn't the package, that damned thing acted like a suppository packed with senna pods!

http://www.accringtonweb.com/forum/i...ies/pain30.gif

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

I only work 3 nights per week so in theory have almost as much time as somebody who is unemployed to turn on the idiot box and be exposed to this heart-wrenching stuff.
Fortunately, I don't. I hardly ever put the TV on unless somebody else is around,even if I'm on the net (such as now!) I sometimes even forget it's there.
Of these ads, these charities may benefit a lot from our donations but I always want to know exactly where my money is going?
The animal ones get me more than anything. The starving children ones send me on a rant about third world debt, whilst waving a packet of durex at the TV...I watch stuff online a lot, can PM you some sites if youlike :)

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

sorry i ment to say you would not be in your charity headquarters today

:lol:sorry less there is always someone wanting to interupt our thread chat:lol:

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Don't bother, sending any sites, I hardly ever watch daytime T.V., this thread is in anything goes, it should only be read if you have the slightest inkling of a sense of humour, which you obviously haven't. (serious stuff goes almost anywhere else).
:D

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Lol sorry :)

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

no problem just enjoy

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

I would never give money to the R.S.P.C.A. The y only seem to react quickly when they are on the telly.Myself and a lot of dog walkers reported a Border Collie left in a " rabbit hutch" by a cattle grid near to Higher Brox Farm, The box was no more than 2 ft square witha bit of netting across the front.The dog was lying in it's own muck and had no acess to any water in hot baking sunshine (this was last summer not this years).It ended on Saturday when I was walking with Max past this box. The dog had his nose out of the netting almost had the netting in his eyes. I rang the R.S.P.C.A. about 10 times until I got an answer. Not long after I got home an inspector turned up at my door saying that she could not find the dog, so I went with her in her van.She was disgusted when she saw the dog and went to see the farmer.The farmerwas only here short time (from Yorkshire ) renting a field with e few sheep.I detest the R.S.P.C.A. spending donations on new uniforms when a good pair of overalls will do.There was two people from the R.S.P.C.A. going door to door asking for donations.

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Oi! unemployed Oik,

With all this time on your hands you could have at least got a working paypal link before you started to beg. I have just spent the last 15 minutes trying to send you £3 a month to feed your alcohol addiction only to discover that the link was spurious.

It is people like you that give us industrious benefactors a bad name. I am now unable to use the £3 a month charity donation to make a saving of £20 a month on my own tax payment. You sir are a buffoon and I hope that your budgie dies!

It is you and your ilk that has made this once proud country a shadow of its former self. No doubt you spend all your dole money on food, lodging, heating and looking for work. If all you unemployed oiks did this who the hell am I going to look down my nose at, and worse still who on earth is going to appear on the St Jeremy Kyle the Divine TV show.

It is my right as a working, taxpaying, real, honest, and proper productive member of society to point at the unemployed and say 'lo, they are the unwashed, the scum, the dossers, dregs and workshy'. I am supposed to be superior and you are supposed to be inferior. It says so in the holy trinity of the Sun, Mirror and Daily Mail.

Get your act together, fix your link, learn to beg properly (including doffing your cap, calling me sir etc..) and allow me the right of superiority, that is mine, given by God, the one and only David Icke

yours etc..

Angry of Accrington

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

:)

I won't say I dislike the RSPCA, as I can only compare them to other corporations that set out to harm and not heal, the animal situation.
However, I can vouch for the notion that they are often completely useless at what they do, as your story proves. They can be quite rude, as well. Kudos to you for what you did, that makes me happy :)
I definitely have a sense of humour I'm just not very bright and didn't read what forum the thread was in so misinterpreted it :)

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Guinness you where trying to donate £3 per month ?
Just how much do you think a pint of john smiths is these days
you should at least be donating £18 per week to keep less in good clear john smiths
as it is he has to walk all the way to Blackburn to get a bucket of muddy looking john smiths from a pubs waste outlet pipe
so come on save this long walk and donate till it hurts
he will be great full (and so would i)

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

From reading your posts I'd have to agree with the first statement, and disagree with the second.

Personally I'd also add 'wise'.

As playing down your intellect can then be used to suprise, when what you're saying proves otherwise.

It's not how we say things that really matter.

Much more important is what was actually said.

;):D

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

I'm still not quite sold.

'IF', < and it's a big if, I donate to this appeal, in return would I receive an annual newsletter about his progress, a nice photograph showing him in his natural habitat, and my very own cuddly Less toy?

http://www.golliwogg.co.uk/images/do...iwogg-1880.jpg

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

I am sure that can be aranged Garinda:D

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Mick Please, the idea is to find plenty of mugs, erm I mean hard working gentlemen such as he, and get them all to donate, if I word my campaign correctly I too could have an account of some £4,000,000 or so pounds worth of investments in Iceland's banks just like a certain cat's home did.

Guinness, Sir, or should that be Sir Guinness, the link used to work until Paypal discovered I was no longer working, they have now, quite rightly, closed my account confiscated all that was deposited therein and severed my link, it's wonderful when you get treated to a real example of Capitalism at work.
:)

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

If you cant get the Paypal link to work.
All donations can be left behind the bar in the Railway where they will be collected on Saturdays and a receipt will be issued sometime:D

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

I want my money back please.

The 'newsletter' was really just a shopping list, written on the back of a betting slip.

The 'full colour photographs' were a strip of passport snaps taken in a photo booth, and I'd rather not say what of.

Lastly, the cuddly Less toy that I received is nothing like the one that was pictured on his television appeal.

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...9_SukzK9Ym4nLg

Quite franky I feel a tad disappointed, and would like my future direct debits cancelled please.

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

I'm afraid I have some bad news, due to not being able to afford a decent firewall for my computer I have been relying on Windows© internal firewall and it doesn't seem very compatible with my apple operating system, due to which my identity has been stolen, you have proof of this in your sweaty little paws, I don't do shopping and as for a betting slip no way! I do all my gambling online at a very reputable Drag Queen bingo site, http://www.accringtonweb.com/forum/f...ighlight=bingo.

The full colour photographs could have been mine except that you wouldn't have received a full strip.

As for the cuddly toy that can't be mine because mine are in a container on route from China, which has been confiscated by our diligent Boarder Patrol due to a slight misunderstanding caused no doubt by a translation mistake.

I had asked for a twelve inch cuddly toy holding a rabbit, (to show I'm kind to animals) instead They have sent a cuddly toy with a twelve inch rabbit and the place they have inserted it is most inappropriate!

I can understand your disappointment, however I will refrain from cancelling your Direct Debit as my family members that are high up in the Russian Mafia know where you live, in fact they suggest you may just want to contribute a little bit more or the Ducks and geese you overlook will get it.
:o

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Threats don't frighten me.

Although this matter will now by dealt with by my winky ginger aunt, Anne.

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Could we be related? I too had an Aunt by the name of Anne.

yours sounds a touch too friendly?


Mine insisted on being called anti, so probably not.

It's wasn't that she was cruel, indeed if anything she would ensure that a sudden but peaceful death would come to any that interfered with the 'family'.

She would however take our welfare very seriously a cancelled DD would show up on her spread sheet and be noticed far sooner than than we could say gimme de' money.

Anti is now in her 'tween years, not as fast as she used to be, in fact mellowing was the term used by the last person that asked what the pension prospects are. (He was given four days to move on, a shame he was an atheist it could have been a far nicer place).

So perhaps you should not consider what went before as a threat, perhaps it should be considered as timely advice,


Lot's of love Less.
:)

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Salt, pepper, medium heat....can be served straight from the pan

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Doubtful.

My Auntie Anne has only the occasional facial tic.

Your's sounds a proper winker.

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...LfHD8xHh5YSyzg

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Yes, I agree, the problem that arises is finding others with a similar pattern in time to make my winter overcoat.
:(

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Oh God, that Anne even has my Anti hiding behind the settee.
:eek:

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Well when I throw out this bag of clothes instead of throwing them out, il leave them on your doorstep. You can take them to the clothes for cash shop and perhaps buy a pint :)

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Was in Savile Row earlier today and whilst being dressed to the left, had occasion to mention this discourse.

The tailor lackey fellow became apopleptic, and said 'surely sir did not speak to this vagabond face to face?' I allowed the reddening, shortness of breath and seizures to continue for a few minutes before stating firmly 'of course not you imbecile, its the internet and I use antiseptic wipes between keypresses'. I kicked him and called the ambulance.

Two hours later, the ambulance arrived (the lord God David Icke bless our tory government for its munificence). And as said tailor lackey was being wheeled into the delapidated, bald tyred, rusting vehicle, attended by a 45 year old apprentice doing a level 1 NVQ in 'lifesaving techniques in socialist media' whilst being paid £2.40 an hour, he turned to me and croaked 'tell the unwashed one to google patchwork'

I have no idea what the blazes goggles have to do with this but I'm simply passing information down the foodchain to you amoebae.

Later that day whilst dining on mince and slices of quince, using the required runcible spoon, I spoke to my cook, the venerable Mrs Hyndburnbridges. She is a font of knowledge on the lower class unemployed, having gutted and cooked many of these for my father before he shook off his mortal coil, owing to a conflagration with my index finger and a gloch machine pistol.

I digress, Mrs Hyndburnbridges flat out refused to tell me her deep fried cat kebab recipe but did say that skins boiled in 'quink' ink will remain 'azure blue' for 120 washes. and so I trust this will negate the need for you to be so picky over what kind of pussy you skin and eat!

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Obviously I am far too dumb to figure the above out :p:cool:;)
Also the highlighted is a very profound quote, far too profound for this light-hearted thread. I'm calling the spam police. I've been donating to them every month via folkgettingtooseriousontheinternet.com
:hidewall:

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Every word you wrote, I deeply enjoyed, how someone of your status could waste your time considering the plight of one so lowly as myself.
However you have proved to me that I am so lucky to live in such a caring society.
In fact, I am happy to inform you that thank's to the members of Hyndburnvigilante.com I no longer need to fear the lack of, or indeed the need for a winter coat.

Allow me to explain if you will,

It is Saturday, so I placed myself on my usual spot outside the Railway two hours before they open with my begging bowl and polite sign explaining my difficulties, (usually it is worth the time I often get enough coinage together to enable me to purchase a soda water by the time the place opens).
Today was different, I was approached by a group of people that were determined I should move on, not because they dislike beggars they were just supporting the one's that had had the correct training from Monday groove, it seems they hang around the Market Hall offering insults to those that donate.

To ensure that I would perhaps think twice about re-entering the Borough they tarred and feathered me.

Well all I can say is, yippee it took a while to get used to the fumes, but, as I walked home in the rain, I found that not only was I insulated from the weather, I also found that my skins reaction to this treatment had a very warming effect.
No longer do I need to fear the harsh weather that winter can provide, though I have noticed that every pub I have visited since, insist that they now put a couple of sheets of newspaper down before allowing me to be seated.
Could I perhaps sue for prejudice? It would after all be helping one of the only profitable industries we have left.
:p

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Stop blathering on, and get back up your pole.

;):D

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Please do not assume that I am interested in your fate. As I originally stated, I wanted to use your alcohol ridden body as one of my myriad tax write-offs. As such your continued parasitic existence is worth precisely +£17 per month to me.

Moonday Grunge is one of my more lucrative tax break recipes, i.e. take one ex-nun, add an inept council, stir in gullible public to taste, simmer using empty shops, misinformation and doe-like eyes. Stir until mixture achieves charity status then add to write-off column. Rub hands with glee, drink champagne, laugh heartily and watch citizens squirm.

Need I elucidate further on the orchestrator of your penguin costume?

Regarding your thoughts on legislative remuneration, It is entirely dependant on the newspaper used...e.g. using the argument 'does my bum look big or what?' should they place a copy of the Times beneath your ample rump or alternatively 'do you think I talk out of my backside?' should they use the sun, mirror or mail.

Regardless, please be aware that as a shareholder in the 'no win, no fee' franchise, I would receive enough for another Lear Jet, whilst you would receive enough for an 'ASDA breakfast'

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

I have discovered that thank's to some people's generosity money has been deposited behind the bar at the Railway, however the figures don't quite add up as I find that I am only getting 5p in the pound, Mick could I have a look at the figures for your so called 'expenses'?
:(

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Ahem.Sorry. I suppose it beats 'Get back in the kitchen!' ;):D

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Er which set of books would you like to see the ones I keep for myself the ones I keep for the taxman or the ones I keep for the wife or the ones I keep for you
By the way none are available at the present time :D

Re: Daytime Charity Ad's.
 

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, Oh! I don't know you decide, I know I can trust you.
:rolleyes: