bullying
 

My 13 year old daughter is being bullied by another girl of a similar age mostly verbal but there have been instances were she has been followed home from school and abused.

the bully no longer attends my daughters school so it's not a school issue, we've confronted the bully in person following a recent mobile conversation when the bully interrupted a call between my daughter and her mates and again abused her. My daughter greatly values her friendships and is caring and sensitive

It's a real shame through Primary School ther were really good mates and had sleepovers etc but when confronted she became a wild child and abusive to us

Were do we go from here, should we go and see her Mum who she no longer lives with to voice our concerns. If they were both at the same school then i would raise it with the school. I will not tolerate bullying in any form

advice please

Re: bullying
 

personally i would start by approaching the bully`s mother (if she is approachable at all) and have a word.

Re: bullying
 

I would be inclined to approach the bully's mum but if she no longer lives with her mum then this may be part of the problem. Who does she live with?

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yes, who does she live with?

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Not sure possibly her dad, she no longer lives locally (which is something of a relief) but does visit. I know her parents split up some while ago.

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The bully is likely to be jealous of your daughter because your daughter appears to be having a better time of things. If your daughter can be told that, she might feel less intimidated by the verbal jaunts. If the bully feels pitied and can see the bullying is having no effect it might stop.

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Its a difficult one and must be terrible for your daughter, I'd be inclined to ask the school for advice even though the girl doesn't go there, a lot of schools now have policies on bullying and may be able to advise you on how best to tackle it.

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"The age of criminal responsibility in England and Wales is 10 so if people who are bullying you are older than that your parents could make a complaint to the police. Hitting or kicking you is an assault and calling you names or making rude gestures to you over and over again could be harassment.</SPAN>

It's not easy for the police to know who is telling the truth so if you are bullied like this keep a diary of who says and does what and also who else was there and saw what was going on."

Taken from this site

Bullying outside school

Re: bullying
 

makes an interesting read lancsdave.

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im gonna say what people would not like, but if it was my daughter im afraid i would have to either scare the living **** out of the little cow or confront the mother/father and warn her/him to tell their daughter to back off....or else:mad:.......(thats if a reasonable conversation didnt do nothing)...and that i would do the same to her what shes doing to my daughter.
ok, i know a lot of you will disagree with this but you have to stand up to these scum bags (sorry but i HATE bullies), and if anyone ever did this to my kids then one thing i have to say is.....GOD HELP THEM!

Re: bullying
 

thanks for the prompt responses and particularly the website details. I think I'l pose the same question on the bullying website ask for peoples experiences if they have contacted the parents

Re: bullying
 

The link I posted was how to do it by the book, the reality may be different for a lot of us :D

Re: bullying
 

I taught my kids that when people say nasty things or make snide comments, answer 'yeah ok' and keep walking, it works because the bully isn't getting a rise out of them, I would approach the mother though, if the girl is living with the father, the mother will probably enjoy having a dig at him about how he raises her.

Re: bullying
 

I did that and got beaten up on the way home by a gang of girls. The police told me there was no point taking them to court either because of how lightly they'd get off and it wouldn't likely deter them from bullying other people.

If you yourself confront the bully they will know you cant harm them, so they will probably only feel more powerful. There tends to be a security issue with the bully themself, most likely in this situation because of her parents splitting up.

I dont have a suggestion at what to do, because its more likely you wont do much good by talking to either mother or child. Just encourage your daughter and tell her to hold her head high.

Re: bullying
 

its definately no excuse but maybe the bully is jealous of your daughter because she still has a happy settled home life and hers has just broken up, i would go and see her mother and if you get no joy go and see her guardian, please dont let it carry on my daughter took an overdose at fourteen because she was being bullied over her being dyslexic, thankfuly she was found and is now nearly eighteen and at college but it could of had a very differant outcome.

Re: bullying
 

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i also think it is down to the girl being jealous of you daughter being in a happy settled home life and hers has just broken up. i would try to have words with her mother and hopefully it will get sorted out.

Re: bullying
 

I have to say that I would do the exact same thing...having spoke about this already to the other half I have said that if our wee one gets bullied when he's older then I will go straight to the bullys dad and 'have a word' with him regarding it...lets see how the bully likes his dad being bullied - to a certain extent..and I dont care what other do think about my opinion as I was bullied at school and the schools done nothing...

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exactly glasgow guy, and cheers for the karma;)

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kids are always told not to hit back , why is that?
my son wont hit back at school, he says he will get done, i always tell him to hit back, the other kid doesnt get done so why should you get blamed!

theres only one way to stop a bully and thats to stand up to them, not ignore them, if you do they only make matters worse

Re: bullying
 

Children are not born bullies- they learn it from being bullied themselves - sometimes by parents.
So an approach to the parents might be fruitless

Re: bullying
 

I was a strange one at school with bullies, I would not allow bullying, once I turned 13, anybody bullying around me was treated to short sharp shrift, I got a slap or too off older kids occasionally, but they didn't bully anyone around me again, and it all came about because I beat a kid up who was older than me, and severely overweight, after the deed, I felt extremely sorry for him and annoyed at myself, mainly because it dawned on me, that I hadn't proved a thing, from that day I never bullied a anybody except the bullies, and it works! That is why I agree with boot camps etc.

Re: bullying
 

Reece is getting bullied by a lad called Jess at school, so i went down to school and bollocked the kid, several times, i told him that if he hit Reece again i would get Reece's older cousin to hit him, then i told him that if that didnt work i'd get the police involved, the deputy head wasnt impressed with what i did but he did grin at me and say 'shanida your not supposed to do that'..and i said 'well you do naff all about it when i let you know, so i'm taking matters into my own hands, so tough'

Reece has a bad temper like me and other kids know that if they wind him up and hit him he will just flip and end up retaliating, then thats when Reece gets done for it because the teachers havent seen what the other kid has done for Reece to react the way he does...it really ****** me off

they say schools are supposed to have anti bullying polices in place, i say they talk ****

Re: bullying
 

Having had children of different generations at different schools, I can categorically say that if they do have anti bullying policies, they don't work or are not as good as they think they are, including one that stated they have zero tolerance to bullying, it was rife.

Re: bullying
 

exactly Derek, well they've met there match at that school cos i dont and won't stand for any ****

Re: bullying
 

no - to me it says that every time my son was to get hit by the bully I would hit the bullys dad - so the bully would see whats happening to his dad and would soon stop due to his dad getting a sore face and eventually telling his bully son not to do it..
and yes I would go to court for it...
but that would be the last resort of it all - I am not one to start a fight out of nothing but at the same time I wont walk away from one if its in my face and when my children are concerned - thats a whole new ball game..

Re: bullying
 

That is ridiculous.

I got bullied through school and I think I would've been disgusted with my mum if she had hit another pupils parent, not to say completely humiliated!

I was shy and wouldn't hit anyone back. My mum went into the school and they humiliated the girls if I remember rightly by making them stand in front of assembly. They were older than me, and they didn't do it again, and I get on well with one of them who I still see now.

There was also a girl in my year who bullied me and she was just struggling with her school work and felt inferior. I ended up befriending her by going to her house after school to help her with her spelling, and we're really close friends today.

Children need to sort their own differences out regardless of how horrible it might be to sit back and watch them suffer. I stand up for myself now, and I'm glad my mum approached it a sensible way rather than do something as equally nasty as the bully!

Re: bullying
 

you'd be disgusted?.......you are certainly not the girl i know....whats happened, you suddenly got a halo?......i doubt it:rolleyes:

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...any kid that bullies my kid, then i will step in....when you become a parent its your job to protect and i will do anything to protect my kids!, even it it means slapping the parents.

a lot of kids have committed suicide because of these bullys.....my kids will NOT be one of them!

Re: bullying
 

my grandaughter was getting bullied when she was at school she used to sleep at my house it went on for ages so i went to school and confronted the girl in front her friends told her to leave her alone and it worked.. maybe she needs that

Re: bullying
 

I think there are two types of bully.

The first is the one who gets similar degrading treatment towards themselves from elsewhere and so take their pain out on another vulnerable person at school. This type of bullies parents probably isn't aware of their childs behaviour.

Then there is the one who does it simply because it gets them accepted with a certain crowd of people at school, and more often than not their parents are well aware of the sort of child their child has become, as they have encouraged it/act that way themselves.

I think parents who encourage their children to 'hit them back' should do so cautiously, because acting like the bully doesn't encessarily solve the problem, and can make some victims of bullies end up bullying others themselves, like the first type of bully, or end up like the second type of bully with the 'if you cant beat them, join them' type of attitude.

I don't think any sort of violence solves anything.

Re: bullying
 

I agree entirely with this Blazey .. heard many a parent tell their children to 'Hit 'em back where it hurts'. Think OK if you are in an extremely bad defensive position, but best to deal with in other ways.

My son has always been good with words and wit, and got himself out of any potential situation with this ... can't say that for daughter, although good verbally, would always strike back like a cornered rat .. just came natural like .. nobody messed with her I can tell ya.

Think I may have reacted a little like Panther (although I do have a little difficulty with causing people physical harm) and Burt initially.

Was one small situation with son, think probably in his second year, seems older lad was using his arm as a punch bag on the school coach in the mornings. Fortuitously, PE Master picked up on this and once confronted, son was not afraid to explain bruising on his arms .. situation was soon despatched I can tell ya' with bully on the mat, and letters to his parents.

He did not tell me about this until a couple of years later ... (after about 10, they will not allow you to scrub their backs in the bath :D) .. by then, of course, he was a strapping 6 footer himself, towered above the bully, but am confident he never sought any sort of retribution.

Re: bullying
 

unfortunately it doesnt always work like that, Reece is now being bullied by 5 children at school, i'm at my witts end with it all, i am on the phone to school most days, this has been going on for months, ive actually just been to see two of the parents and they seemed to be ok with me, but we'll see, if you try and talk to the kids about it they just give you a mouthful, what do i do other than take him out of the school? Reece has 5 months left at that school and he has his s.a.t.s coming up so i dont really want to move him, he is getting to the stage where he doesnt want to go to school

Re: bullying
 

I hate bullies, it gets me mad just thinking about them!!

the sad thing is its just not in the playground, its also in the workforce too.
bullys are people who seek attention, because they arnt getting any at home, so i blame the parents, flashy if it was my kid, i would go up the wall and fang hold of the little bastards!!...sorry but i detest them sort of people, i really do!!

I hope its gets sorted;)

Re: bullying
 

oh believe me panther i wanna get hold of the little sh!ts but i'd only end up inside because i just wouldnt stop if i got hold of them, i'd end up doing some damage

Re: bullying
 

yes i dnt blame you at all nida, it deff is a hard one, i like ive said b4 im glad i got jack out ov there wen i had the chance....... but they are all little ****s, wot goes around comes around.........

Re: bullying
 

and it cant come around soon enough hun

Re: bullying
 

Bit of advice needed please. My grandson is being bullied by bigger lads at school, it started off with kids his age commentng on his burns. He stood up for himself and ended up being the one getting told off. My daughter went to see his teacher and she was saying he shouldn't retaliate but why should he put up with cruel comments. Turns out the older brother of one of these kids has been holding him while the others hit him. It has got to the stage that he is saying he isn't well to avoid going to school. As speaking to his teacher didn't help matters so am thinking of going to see the head teacher with my daughter. He really doesn't want us to go to the school but we feel somehing should be done. What would you do????

Re: bullying
 

If you are not happy with the teacher's response I would make an appointment to have a chat with the head teacher.

Your grandson probably won't want you to but that's what the bullies want.

It needs stamping out, now.

Re: bullying
 

is it the board of goveners schools have that you can goto if your not happy about somthing?

my son was getting bullied at school by a few lads calling him fat and after weeks of torment my son flattened the little punk which got him in trouble

his mother took the schools side and repremanded my son leaving him upset and frustrated because he was still getting bullied and coulnt even retaliate because he would not only get into trouble with the teachers but also with his mum

after a few weeks this situation came to my attention and i sent my son to school with instructions to thump the bully if he so much as uttered one bad word in his direction , i then rang the school and calmy explained to his head of year that my son would stop hitting this bully if the bully either learned or was told not to call him fat as i would rather see my son expelled from school than find him hanging off the end of a rope because of bullying


if your son is been held down and thumped by others i wouldnt contact the school i would contactthe police and ask for assault charges to be pressed

Re: bullying
 

My daughter went through a similar thing when she was at school , She were being bullied at school then when school excluded the girl she would wait for my daughter in a morning or afternoon , it got so bad that i contacted the police and with the help of the school this girl ended up being charged and told by the courts she was to stay well away from my daughter.
I never thought for one minute that it would lead to her going to court but I am so glad I went through with it .
My Daughter is now at college and still sees this girl on occasions, but even now this girls stays well away and knows I wont hesitate to take action if she goes anywhere near my daughter.

Re: bullying
 

GRRRRRR, let me at em!!.......I hate the scum!!...things like this really get me mad!...sorry but cant give sensible advice as my kids have never been bullied, what i can say if it was my kids id put the fear of god into them......then.....:angry:...................Attachment 11912 :hesoff:

Re: bullying
 

oops just realised this is an old thread....:rolleyes:

Re: bullying
 

S'ok Panther, Bernie resurrected it for advice :D

Re: bullying
 

The bullys arnt that stupid to stop if you ignore them. Yes there not getting a reaction however they know if you ignore it and dont say anything its getting to you either way! The best way is to stand up to them! Just tell ur daughter to tell them " do you actually think your getting at me?" and just laugh at them. Fight fire with fire! Im sure shes not totally perfect! (the bully)

Re: bullying
 

go to the school secretary and ask them for a copy of their policy on bullying (they cant say no btw) also ask for a copy of their code of practice for the policy (they might not let you see that, they dont have to).....

after you have read that THEN go and see the head.. the policy will tell you exactly what the school is promising they will do and you will be better informed and they will not be able to fob you off.....

what ever the policy says they will do INSIST that they do it... you will need to have proof that it is bullying and not just nastyness (there is a difference) keeps logs of everything, copies of texts etc and take them with you.

Re: bullying
 

Re: bullying
 

I think the thing is BB that words can be just as bad as being thumped, especially when there's a bunch of them at it, no kid should be scared of going to school, as this is the most important time of their lives, get it wrong and it effects the rest of their lives

Re: bullying
 

ok... a child goes to school and someone says something nasty to him or pushes him over or teases him, which upsets him... ....THIS is not bullying, this is nastyness. If it happens everyday and the other child goes out of their way to be nasty then thats bullying.

We all want to protect our children but some parents will shout bullying after 1 day....schools wont class it as bullying until its gone on for at least a week.

before anyone has a go, im not saying that nastyness should be ignored, im just saying its not bullying.

my advice is always speak to the school... your child wont want you to for fear of it getting worse and tbh it probably will... carry on going in and telling the school and eventually they will realise they wont get away with it. Just take extra precautiohns like walking your child to and from school.. making sure the other teachers are aware in case they are yard duty so they can keep an eye on them (this will also provide proof) or ask the school to find your child a buddy from a higher year that will hang round with them at play time.

Re: bullying
 

hitting back is not behaving like a bully it is defending your self and violence does sort things out especialy when dealing with bullies, the world isnt a rosey place where people discuss their feelings and appologise to each other and occasionaly a good thump on somoeones nose can solve a whole load of problems, it isnt a perfect system but im glad my son punched his bullies lights out and i would tell him to do again , my son is NOT a bully but he has my full backing if he ever gets in trouble at school for defending himself

bullies get away with a lot of things before they are eventualy sorted out yet some people condem a poor victim of bullying for lashing out just the once

Re: bullying
 

unfortunately fighting back could have got him expelled....

Re: bullying
 

as i said in my earlier post i would rather see him expelled for defending himself than suffer from bullying

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but then your child will be labelled as violent and other schools wont want him.

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Which is pathetic and any head that did that should be sacked for failing the victim of the bully who needed to defend themselves in the first place by not adequately protecting the children in his/her care.

Re: bullying
 

yes but.... if your child punches another child during school time that can be proved and the parents will probably be onto them as well...... bullying can be very difficult to prove.

children are told not to fight back but to go to a teacher...

Re: bullying
 

For hitting back?

sorry but this is why bullys get away with it......if ya gonna stand there and take it then the bully will do it even more, but if ya punch the git before he has chance to hit ya, then the little git will stop...full stop!...and i dont think it labels the innocent one as violent, he/she is just defending themselves;)

Re: bullying
 

they are told not to fight back and they will be punished for it.....

not my opinion btw, just the way it is...

Re: bullying
 

Yep i know what ya mean.....


I tell my kids if anyone touches ya, then either give a right hook, or tell me, telling the teachers IMO is a waste of time:(

Re: bullying
 

I don't think ALL schools help with matters of bullying

My daughters school for instance:

When a class is doing something and 1 child is playing up,
the whole class gets punished

In my opinion, this causes other children to pick on/bully the child that got the whole class to stay behind,
miss out on play, minus house points, whatever

The children that get punished for somet that one person has done are not gonna be very nice to that child,
who can blame them
But this shouldn't be allowed to happen

They should just punish that one child, cos they think it's a game when the whole class
gets done for somet they did, but if they gotta sit on their own away from it all then they'll learn

Re: bullying
 

It turns out that it all started with name calling, this lad called my grandson "burns" which I strongly object to but ids are just so cruel. Anyway when he called said lad a name off he went to report it to teacher, thus my grandson is the bad one. This lad has an older brother who has been holding my grandson whist the younger one punches him in the stomach. Daughter rang the school this morning to arrange to go in to see the head but first available time is 3:15 Thursday. Will be going with her but have also told her that if the child says in the meantime that he isn't well to avoid going to school she must go up and demand her concerns are listened to. We are both well aware that he is no angel but think it needs sorting ASAP:mad:

Re: bullying
 

Good luck for Thursday although I'm sure you will make them listen

They will more than likely spin off the whole "we haven't seen it"

No, more than likely not, they cannot and will not watch one child at all times,
therefore not being able to see everything

Re: bullying
 

dont forget to read the policies!!!!!

they cant fob you off if you know the rules......

Re: bullying
 

hmmm bullies, my sister is currently in the process of prosecuting a 16 year old bully who attacked my 13 year old niece at school