Accrington Web - 2018/19 Prediction League; Game 28 v Charlton Athletic (away)

Charlton Athletic

Accrington Stanley

2018/19 Prediction League; Game 28 v Charlton Athletic (away)

The Ashington Addicks (work it out!) will be getting a telegram from The Queen in season 2021/22 to celebrate not their founding (Finding? Foundling?), but their Centenary in the Football League ............. except they won’t, because telegrams – like good politicians – were consigned to history many moons ago. Although they’ve had four separate spells in the Top Tier (like the cake!) – 1936 to 1957, 1986 to 1990, 1998 to 1999 (or “Sliding Back Down The Greasy Pole of Oblivion In One Season”), and 2000 to 2007, their best ever finish was as runners-up in the old First Division in 1937 with a record of P42 W21 D12 L9 GF58 GA49 and 54 points, 3 behind Man City and two ahead of Arsenal; we finished 13th in the Third Division North with 41 points from 42 games, behind such Soccer Luminaries as Stockport, Lincoln, Chester, Hartlepools Utd, Halifax, Wrexham and York, and above the likes of Southport, New Brighton, Barrow, Gateshead and Darlington, the latter two being re-elected ............... and apparently we were nicknamed “The ’Owd Reds” in those days; hands up who believes that?

We met at ours in Game 3, and managed Half a Desmond (which, curiously, they did too) .............. Our goal courtesy of Jordan Clark on 78 ......... they were Up and Down the Mulberry Bush until the end of October, but from Bonfire Night they’ve been On Fire – winning nine, drawing once and losing three, and they’ve been consistently in the top eight, although never higher than 4th .......... only one team (Pompey) has won more matches in the League than them (they have 15 wins – as do the Louts, who are off the boil since Nathan Jones deserted the Ship for Stoke on 9th January (where he’s not breaking any pots yet), drawing 1-1 at Sunderland thanks to a 67th minute pen by Collins and losing a 3rd Round FA Cup replay to the Owls) ............. but they’ve lost more than any other of the top-six sides (8 – no one else has lost more than 6 (Posh)) ............... and it won’t have escaped your notice that, while the bottom of the table is now bunched like a Tour de France peleton, the top 7 have established a 6-point margin over the Mere Mortals (led by Coventry)

They sit 4th at this moment; home record is W9 D3 L2 GF23 GA11, away it’s W6 D2 L6 GF23 GA20, giving them an overall – or a pair of overalls – of P28 W15 D5 L8 GF46 GA31 and 50 points ...............”P28” is a slight issue, because the others have only P’d 26 or 27 .............. they’re out of the FA Cup, having done Mansfield up like kippers 5-0 (after a Half-Desmond) in the First Round, and then having blown it by losing 2-0 at home to Donnie in Round Two – Donnie then promptly Doing It 3-1 Unto PNE in Round Two, much to the disgust of my older granddaughter’s boyfriend,(the one who plays for AFC Fylde Academy) .......... Mind you, they didn’t do even that well in the EFL Cup, going to the MK Dons (now out of the automatic places in League Two, but with a game in hand) and coming away with a 0-3 defeat ............. they also managed not to get past the group stages of the EFLTroffy despite winning 8-0 at Stevenage – mainly because Swansea u5s beat them1-0 at The Valley .............. leading scorers – so the ones we need to mark – are Lyle Taylor (known to his mates as “Tatey”) with 15, Karlan Grant with 13 and Joe Aribo (did you know they named a bus company after him – or was it a brand of sweets?) who has 5 ............ Nicky Ajose has two, but won’t increase that because he’s just gone on loan to Mansfield, as has Jorge Grant (remember him?) from Notts Forest, and also with two goals are Krystian Bielik and Tarique Fosu-Henry .................

Since we played them last they’ve ProperSigned Welsh CMF Jonny Williams from the Palace – Crystal, not Buckingham – and Algerian striker Wassim Aouachria from Olympique de Marseille, and they’ve LoanSigned MF Josh Cullen (Hammers), LW Jamie Ward (Forest – who now have the Management Dream Team of Martin O’Neill and Roy Keane (well, one dream, one nightmare) – and Carlisle have Steven Pressley (lately manager of Cypriot side Pafos, who terminated him in October) in their Hot Seat (wired up but not plugged in. Yet), PNE GK Chris Maxwell-SilverHammer, and the Millers’ LB Ben Purrington; various people have left, permanently or not, but no one interesting - unless you like unusual names, in which case may I commend to you Reeco Hackett-Fairchild, Ashley Maynard-Brewer, and Wilberforce Ocran (who’s gone to play for Cray Wanderers, so he has)

Courtesy of owner and Belgian Millionaire (sounds like a variety of cheesecake) Roland Duchatelet they’ve had 12 managers since 2014, including joint caretakers, and Jose Riga twice .................... and speaking of managers, and this week’s Starter for Ten; which manager of which club allegedly told a reporter this week that the team was picked according to the size of the players’ penises? And Andy Cole has joined Sol Campbell at Macclesfield (now 3 points above Notts County, 3 below Yeovil, and 4 behind Morecambe) ..... and as a Bonus Starter for Ten; John Sheridan is now manager at TwistySpires Utd of the Bananarama – but name the clubs of which he’s still the last manager before the present one?

Deadline for entries is, as always, scheduled kick-off time, which is 3.00pm on Saturday 19th January ................ while they’re on a high – well, fairly high – well, alright, a middling-low, we haven’t scored in our last 3 League games, or in six of our last nine ............. as regards Dunces’ Caps, Walsall and Oxford have 2 points from a possible 15, and Wycombe and Rochdale each have 3 ....................... form team (four straight wins) is Scunthorpe, who not many weeks ago were waiting outside the Headmaster’s Study with books down their pants ........... we’re 14th (as you’ll know) which – apart from week 1 – is the lowest we’ve been all season, with 27 goals from 28 matches, which is the worst in League Two apart from the Wombles (21 – that’ll teach you to get rid of You Fat Bastard) and Brizzle (25) ................... Leaky Colander Award to Rochdale (conceded 58 – over two a game, except when they played us, when they conceded none!)

And for your Interest and Edification, the Manager with the 6” ruler and the yardstick is Imke Wubbenhorst, lady manager of German 5th-tier (what’s the German word for Bananarama, Dave?) side BV Cloppenburg .............. in reply to a journalist asking her whether she warned the players to “put their pants on when she came into the dressing room” she apparently said, “Of course not, I’m a professional. I pick my players based on their penis size” See what we’ll be missing if Brexit ever does happen? Mind you, the headline writer scored full marks for describing it as “a withering reply”; probably one of the all-time great unintended double entendres ..............And John Sheridan is the immediate past Manager of Carlisle, Fleetwood and Plymouth !

Good luck to everyone! ............. Keep the Faith! ........Don’t be a Lidl, be a Waitrose! ................... And thanks for playing!

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