Hello Folkses,
Having a bit of a ponder today. As there's not a great deal happening I thought I'd scribble down some musings to pass away another interminably dull, drab, Sunday, so alleviating some of my boredom & increasing yours in the process. (those of you that is who bother having a read
) See already the title comes into its own, if only .... I'd not bothered reading this I could've saved 5 minutes of my life, which now I'll never see again! 
All in all it's a simple enough expression in itself but one that carries so many connotations in reality. How many times in our lives have we unwittingly used this phrase without a conscious thought of the alternatives, it's just something many of us say without really meaning it, that is of course as long as no one has come to any harm.
So a little cautionary fable for your enjoyment, the local Donkey Derby is on & our likely lad thinks, should I put a quid on Maisie May, but doesn't & after much pleading, threats, carrot waving & what not by the snotty nosed little 8 year old "Jockey", Maisie May shambles over the line, the winner, he could've been a 5er better off, but he didn't so he's not, if only.....?
But, if he had, sod's law then kicks in & Maisie May stops half way round to crop daisies from Auntie Flo's bonnet, then ambles home last, well that's a quid he won't be seeing again, if only.... he'd not put that quid on, but hey, it's going to charity so no bad thing eh ? So after his life changing loss on the Donkeys, he seeks solace & comfort in the welcoming, encompassing fug & congeniality of the Beer tent (as any sensible person would) alongside the days other victors or vanquished, united in the pursuit of Ale.
Here, the if only .... path continues its meander through his life, faced with choices, Lager for the Gentlemen, fruit based drink for the Ladies & Shandy for the Southerners,
there's also usually some foul, sweet, sickly & sticky concoction, with umbrellas & lumps of fruit for the snot noses to get on their hands, spill over everyone & smear over theirs & all within grasping paw radius's clothes. He settle for a Pint of Old Loonies traditional Shreddies ripper & blanket lifter, he finds a comfy spot & partakes of his brew. At a nearby table the most gorgeous creature you ever did see is sipping something dayglo, while her not so gorgeous mate is giving him a wink & a smile.
Being the knightly sort (although the armour is a tad tarnished & bearing some patches of rust), he engages in inane pleasantries & the offer of a drink for said ladies. Several pints later & most definitely lighter in the wad stakes, Our hero start angling for Daphne, while trying to politely get shut of Velma, if only Velma would get the hint, but nope, she's not having it. In fact, the more his attempts to palm her off the more determined she is to stay. What's a lad to do eh? Perseverance pays off & with a shake of the head & a roll of the eyes Velma heads off, but in that last backwards glance was there a hint of, "You'll be sorry!" in the look, nah, let's get it on thinks he!
Full of Ale, self confidence & boozy smugness, Jack the Lad escorts Daphne home with the promise of "Coffee, if you like?", sounds good to our lad so onwards & upwards he traipses. Once inside her flat certain things don't quite fit with his wild & fanciful imaginings, the decor for one, not as girly as he'd imagined, a quick visit to the bathroom, the toilet seat is up & there's a blokes razor on the shelf, but she'd said she was single.
As his brain starts clicking through the booze & little signs he'd previously chosen to ignore, the large feet & hands, tallness & unusually deep tone of this lass ...... as the open door swung on its hinges & our hero hurtles down the street as fast as his little legs could carry him, his thoughts were of course .... If only!
So there you go, a cautionary tale to take with you about "If only!". Although this little anecdote is not, I hasten to add from my personal adventures & experiences,
some of the details have been lifted from the misadventures of people I've known (I don't think it'd be a surprise to learn they were Squaddies) & in part cobbled together & woven about with my meagre talents of storytelling & that their discomfort & embarrassment brought us, their mates, much laughter with no regard for their ego's or trampled pride during the recounting. That's what friends do & were we to be in their position would expect to be equally ridiculed, It's simply a matter of facing the music or not say anything in the first place.
Well that's it for now, hopefully it's been worth your while or are you left with the feeling of ..... if only .......
May your days be pleasant & joy in all things you do, take care & thanks for reading .....
Having a bit of a ponder today. As there's not a great deal happening I thought I'd scribble down some musings to pass away another interminably dull, drab, Sunday, so alleviating some of my boredom & increasing yours in the process. (those of you that is who bother having a read
) See already the title comes into its own, if only .... I'd not bothered reading this I could've saved 5 minutes of my life, which now I'll never see again! All in all it's a simple enough expression in itself but one that carries so many connotations in reality. How many times in our lives have we unwittingly used this phrase without a conscious thought of the alternatives, it's just something many of us say without really meaning it, that is of course as long as no one has come to any harm.So a little cautionary fable for your enjoyment, the local Donkey Derby is on & our likely lad thinks, should I put a quid on Maisie May, but doesn't & after much pleading, threats, carrot waving & what not by the snotty nosed little 8 year old "Jockey", Maisie May shambles over the line, the winner, he could've been a 5er better off, but he didn't so he's not, if only.....?
But, if he had, sod's law then kicks in & Maisie May stops half way round to crop daisies from Auntie Flo's bonnet, then ambles home last, well that's a quid he won't be seeing again, if only.... he'd not put that quid on, but hey, it's going to charity so no bad thing eh ? So after his life changing loss on the Donkeys, he seeks solace & comfort in the welcoming, encompassing fug & congeniality of the Beer tent (as any sensible person would) alongside the days other victors or vanquished, united in the pursuit of Ale. Here, the if only .... path continues its meander through his life, faced with choices, Lager for the Gentlemen, fruit based drink for the Ladies & Shandy for the Southerners,
there's also usually some foul, sweet, sickly & sticky concoction, with umbrellas & lumps of fruit for the snot noses to get on their hands, spill over everyone & smear over theirs & all within grasping paw radius's clothes. He settle for a Pint of Old Loonies traditional Shreddies ripper & blanket lifter, he finds a comfy spot & partakes of his brew. At a nearby table the most gorgeous creature you ever did see is sipping something dayglo, while her not so gorgeous mate is giving him a wink & a smile. Being the knightly sort (although the armour is a tad tarnished & bearing some patches of rust), he engages in inane pleasantries & the offer of a drink for said ladies. Several pints later & most definitely lighter in the wad stakes, Our hero start angling for Daphne, while trying to politely get shut of Velma, if only Velma would get the hint, but nope, she's not having it.
In fact, the more his attempts to palm her off the more determined she is to stay. What's a lad to do eh? Perseverance pays off & with a shake of the head & a roll of the eyes Velma heads off, but in that last backwards glance was there a hint of, "You'll be sorry!" in the look, nah, let's get it on thinks he! Full of Ale, self confidence & boozy smugness, Jack the Lad escorts Daphne home with the promise of "Coffee, if you like?", sounds good to our lad so onwards & upwards he traipses. Once inside her flat certain things don't quite fit with his wild & fanciful imaginings, the decor for one, not as girly as he'd imagined, a quick visit to the bathroom, the toilet seat is up & there's a blokes razor on the shelf, but she'd said she was single.
As his brain starts clicking through the booze & little signs he'd previously chosen to ignore, the large feet & hands, tallness & unusually deep tone of this lass ...... as the open door swung on its hinges & our hero hurtles down the street as fast as his little legs could carry him, his thoughts were of course .... If only!So there you go, a cautionary tale to take with you about "If only!". Although this little anecdote is not, I hasten to add from my personal adventures & experiences,
some of the details have been lifted from the misadventures of people I've known (I don't think it'd be a surprise to learn they were Squaddies) & in part cobbled together & woven about with my meagre talents of storytelling & that their discomfort & embarrassment brought us, their mates, much laughter with no regard for their ego's or trampled pride during the recounting. That's what friends do & were we to be in their position would expect to be equally ridiculed, It's simply a matter of facing the music or not say anything in the first place. Well that's it for now, hopefully it's been worth your while or are you left with the feeling of ..... if only .......
May your days be pleasant & joy in all things you do, take care & thanks for reading .....