Of course not, it could only be imagined as Compo and Nora Batty, its up to the others to decide which of us is whom!
Persistent Salesmen Don't You Hate Them?
- Thread starter Less
- Start date
Of course not, it could only be imagined as Compo and Nora Batty, its up to the others to decide which of us is whom!
Oh Less....My imagination is in overdrive.
A bit like buses we wait for ages then two come along at once.
I was on a fag break grateful that because it's summer the rain falling was almost warm, when from the depths of the pub came a Scot, not one of the stereotypical Och eigh the noo type scots but the full blown four letter word self opinionated type of Scot.
Expletive, expletive, expletive, look at that car that Western Oriental Gentleman is driving for expletives sake.
I looked, the guy was driving a top of the range Jag.
It looks fantastic says I,
Expletive, expletive, expletive, no says he, what the expletive, is he doing in such an expletive car? I can't even afford the wheel on that expletive!
Well, says I perhaps he's earned it not all of 'em are criminals he could be a well educated proffesional that deserves to drive around in such a vehicle?
Expletive, expletive, expletive, I'm expletive educated, the people inside this pub are expletive well educated none of them can afford such a expletive car!
This so called conversation went on no doubt longer than it took the guy in the car to get his Jag outa town.
I finished it by saying, well I think you must be jealous.
There are not enough expletives to copy and paste as his reply suffice it to say, he asked me why I thought he was jealous.
Well said I, I know I am.
At this point he expleted off.
Then, before I could take another draw on my fag along comes the next one,
shouting into his mobile with his cigarette hanging from his mouth.
Obviously an important call or else he was using some new expletives he'd just learnt from a scotsman.
He stopped, made a signal with his fingers at me that he needed a light for his fag and continued swearing into his 'phone.
I remained motionless, he repeated the gesture I remained motionless, he moved his mouth away from his 'phone and shouted, I need an expletive light.
No, I replied You want an expletive light please.
He looked shocked but slowly repeated the above sentence.
I gave him a light and said, you see, all we have to do is use some expletive manners and we can get what we want.
His parting words showed he had paid attention to the lessons being taught by the Scotsman.
I was on a fag break grateful that because it's summer the rain falling was almost warm, when from the depths of the pub came a Scot, not one of the stereotypical Och eigh the noo type scots but the full blown four letter word self opinionated type of Scot.
Expletive, expletive, expletive, look at that car that Western Oriental Gentleman is driving for expletives sake.
I looked, the guy was driving a top of the range Jag.
It looks fantastic says I,
Expletive, expletive, expletive, no says he, what the expletive, is he doing in such an expletive car? I can't even afford the wheel on that expletive!
Well, says I perhaps he's earned it not all of 'em are criminals he could be a well educated proffesional that deserves to drive around in such a vehicle?
Expletive, expletive, expletive, I'm expletive educated, the people inside this pub are expletive well educated none of them can afford such a expletive car!
This so called conversation went on no doubt longer than it took the guy in the car to get his Jag outa town.
I finished it by saying, well I think you must be jealous.
There are not enough expletives to copy and paste as his reply suffice it to say, he asked me why I thought he was jealous.
Well said I, I know I am.
At this point he expleted off.
Then, before I could take another draw on my fag along comes the next one,
shouting into his mobile with his cigarette hanging from his mouth.
Obviously an important call or else he was using some new expletives he'd just learnt from a scotsman.
He stopped, made a signal with his fingers at me that he needed a light for his fag and continued swearing into his 'phone.
I remained motionless, he repeated the gesture I remained motionless, he moved his mouth away from his 'phone and shouted, I need an expletive light.
No, I replied You want an expletive light please.
He looked shocked but slowly repeated the above sentence.
I gave him a light and said, you see, all we have to do is use some expletive manners and we can get what we want.
His parting words showed he had paid attention to the lessons being taught by the Scotsman.
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Less, you do lead an interesting life.
And I like hearing how you tell it.
And I like hearing how you tell it.
I live the only life that I have, if I could choose to live it without these kind of people I would be tempted, but then, would it be as interestingly diverse?
No, of course it wouldn't...and you would have nothing to make us chuckle.(well, it made me chuckle...perhaps I have a warped sense of humour...it was left out in the rain)
I think the batteries in your a$$hole magnet are Duracell plus...either that,or they are solar powered.
I think the batteries in your a$$hole magnet are Duracell plus...either that,or they are solar powered.
So here we are with today's little snippet.
Outside smoking as usual when a rather irate young man came up to me and with the usual flow of language asked me if 'his mate' was in the pub.
I asked calmly, what is your mates name?
He's my mate for flukes sake is he in there?
How do I know replied I, I don't know you and though I might know your mate and he may even be in there if I do, perhaps it would be easier if you just walked in and looked for yourself?
I can't go in there, I've been banned, look just go in and see if he's there.
I put my ciggy out, turned around and wandered into the pub, I used the chance to take a toilet break.
I then went back outside expecting he would by now have gone, no such luck.
Well is he there he screamed at me.
I've wandered through the pub says I, and I can honestly say if your mate is in there I didn't recognise him.
Well, booger says the irate one you'd think he would have come out knowing I'm here.
How does he know your here? You've asked me to go inside to find someone I don't know, I didn't find him, so maybe he's somewhere else? Would you like me to nip down the road and see if he's in another pub?
Nah, Yer right, I'm going that way meself, I'll ask when I get there.
There are times I get a splitting headache just like a hangover, without the chance of sobering up.
Outside smoking as usual when a rather irate young man came up to me and with the usual flow of language asked me if 'his mate' was in the pub.
I asked calmly, what is your mates name?
He's my mate for flukes sake is he in there?
How do I know replied I, I don't know you and though I might know your mate and he may even be in there if I do, perhaps it would be easier if you just walked in and looked for yourself?
I can't go in there, I've been banned, look just go in and see if he's there.
I put my ciggy out, turned around and wandered into the pub, I used the chance to take a toilet break.
I then went back outside expecting he would by now have gone, no such luck.
Well is he there he screamed at me.
I've wandered through the pub says I, and I can honestly say if your mate is in there I didn't recognise him.
Well, booger says the irate one you'd think he would have come out knowing I'm here.
How does he know your here? You've asked me to go inside to find someone I don't know, I didn't find him, so maybe he's somewhere else? Would you like me to nip down the road and see if he's in another pub?
Nah, Yer right, I'm going that way meself, I'll ask when I get there.
There are times I get a splitting headache just like a hangover, without the chance of sobering up.
Less, you really need to find that ash hole magnet and take the batteries out of it.
Batteries aren't just for Christmas, Duracell make them for life!
I think yours must be solar powered.
Awww come on Margaret, with the weather we've had over the last few weeks?
Ok,PV solar power then Less!