[Bazf]

Bagpuss looks like Jerzy has kept his place against Burnley so lets hope Blake has already gone.

Academy: Drop It Like Dudek
Introduction
Last season Jerzy Dudek successfully followed in the fluff-steps of Liverpool goalkeeping greats such as Sander ‘Dropped my career’ Westerveld, David ‘Couldn’t hold a cross in a church’ James.
Dudek’s skill of dropping the ball through his legs will make you an instant legend for years to come and is the easiest way to get yourself onto a selection of videos – possibly with a £250 return.

Practice
It’s important to equip yourself with a nose so big that even a bus driver couldn’t see past it. If you don’t have a nose like a 20-foot puffin, then you can make one out of a suitably sized piece of fabric – say, like the one for a tent.


Then get yourself a ridiculously large pair of gloves and cover them with the contents of a large tub of lard - for that extra slipperiness.

+

Note: if at this point a team-mate of yours approaches you in the showers with a half-used tub of Vaseline as an alternative, a quick turn into them with the right knee raised should end any future awkward soap-dropping moments.

Now you look the part, and have the equipment to actually make such a talentless error possible, you should get someone to softly head the ball back to you and let nature take its course – you’ll be playing at Anfield before you know it.

Note: To make it more realistic you could get someone to wear a big girlie blonde Abba wig and skip towards you like Diego Forlan - maybe your team-mate you met in the showers